What Now? | N.H.

Chapter 19 | Diana

(Niall's POV)

"Sorry"

"Excuse me,"

"Pardon me," 

I run down the crowded city streets picking up a trail of fans and paparazzi on the way. I knock into a couple of people on the way and quickly apologize.  My forehead is dripping with sweat, my legs ache, and I'm running out of breath but, I have to keep going. I run about five blocks back to the hotel. A doorman opens the door and I speed passed leaving him with a hurried thank you. The doors close keeping various fans and paparazzi outside. I almost feel bad for not acknowledging them. That feeling is soon gone when I remember my girlfriend sitting alone in a hotel room after what happened yesterday. 

The elevator couldn't have moved slower. It seemed to have stopped at every floor and I was growing more and more anxious. Once the elevator stops at our floor I push past the others in the elevator and sprint to her room. I knock on the door but, she doesn't open it. I grab the spare key I kept in my pocket and slide it into the lock. The door clicks and I quickly make my way inside. The TV volume is up loud filling the room with the sounds of Harry Potter. A smile spreads across my face as I recall that night when we both admitted our feelings to each other. As I get further into the room I don't see her. The sheets lay empty on the bed and the door of the bathroom is cracked open. 

(TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM)

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I round the corner to the kitchen and don't see anyone there. Maybe she's in Harry's room? I turn to leave the room when I hear the sound of metal crashing into the tile. "Di?" Diana sits on the ground with her knees tucked into her chest. She's staring blankly ahead with tears racing down her cheeks. "Di!" My heart shatters at the sight of her looking so broken. I crouch down next to her and pull her into my arms. 

"Ni.."

"I'm here baby, it's ok," She twists her fist into the collar of my shirt. I kiss the top of her head that is tucked into my chest. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," 

"Di, what? I should be the one apologizing, you did nothing wrong." She only cries harder into my chest. A pair of open scissors lay next to her and suddenly her apologies make sense. "Can you show me?" Dianna looks away from me and holds her wrist out. 

"I'm sorry Niall," Red lines are painted across her smooth skin. I can't stop the tear from leaving my eye as I hold her wrist in my hand. 

"It's okay love," I pull her in closer to me once more. "Let's go get you cleaned up," I whisper into her hair, trying to keep her calm. She wipes away her tears with her fingertips and nods her head. I help her stand up and walk her over to the bathroom. She avoids looking at me while I lift her up onto the counter and pull the first-aid kit from under the sink. I wet a rag and press it to her cuts. She flinches slightly. "You ok?" She doesn't respond only nods her head. I carefully wrap a cloth bandage around her wrist once I had dried the area. 

"Thank you," She says quietly. I can tell she's embarrassed. I tilt her head up so her eyes meet mine. They're still as beautiful as they were when I first saw them. I kiss her lips gently. 

"I love you so much. I would do anything for you," I wasn't lying. "You know that don't you?" She smiles slightly and the slight movement in her lips filled my heart with warmth. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you yesterday. I was being stupid and selfish. I feel terrible." This time it's me who is looking down studying the details of my shoes. 

"Niall, it's okay you didn't know,"  

"I should have known. I should have been there for you but I wasn't."