What Now? | N.H.

Chapter 28 | Hospital Room

The darkness fades back to light. The fluorescent bulbs attack my eyes as they flutter open. I squint my eyes trying to dull the annoying light. 

"Diana?" I turn my head around still struggling to adapt to the sudden shift back into consciousness.  

"She's awake," Someone calls out. I'm stuck in a state of dazed confusion every one of my senses is delayed and struggles to keep up with my movements. 

"Darling, are you okay?" The voice sounds like my mother's. She crouches down in front of me so she can meet my eyeline. 

"Is he awake?" I try to sit up, on the plastic couch. A groan slips out of my lips as a sharp pain floods my skull. 

"No, not yet," She shakes her head and grabs a hold of my hands. 

"Can I see him?" This time she nods her head and helps me stand up. The boys and my dad are all standing around me following me intently with their eyes filled with sympathy. 

As I approach the door, my chest feels like someone has dropped a weight on it. The same suffocating feeling comes back. My mother squeezes my hand reassuringly. "You ready?" I nod my head because I know I'll never be ready. I never want to see him hurt. Though, I need to see him. I need to be there with him, even if he doesn't know I'm there. I don't want him to wake up alone with his pain. 

She turns the silver handle and pushes the door open slightly and lets go of my hand. I step inside slowly. The air that fills the room is cold and still. It's silent except for the slow steady beeping of the heart monitor. 

My whole body aches as I force my eyes off of the floor. His face is pale. He looks just as he did when I sat with him in the ambulance except, the blood has been cleaned off of his face and his cuts are covered in bandages. He looks so peaceful. A part of me doesn't want him to wake up, I don't want him to feel the pain that I know he'll be in. If I could take his pain for myself I would. He didn't deserve this. Nathan didn't deserve this. 

I make my way over to the chair sitting idly in the corner of the room. I pull it up next to his bed. I sink into the cold leather never tearing my eyes away from him. I study the features of his face that I have become so familiar with. They're not as familiar anymore. He's almost unrecognizable with the bandages covering up most of his face. A steady flow of tears paints my cheeks. I reach out and grab his hand. I press it to my lips and hold it tightly with my two hands. 

"I love you so much," I whisper as if he can somehow hear me. "I'm so sorry, I should have been there instead of you. I should have done something," 

A take a second to catch my breath once more. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't made it. I can't live without you Ni,  I know that sounds stupid but it's true. I thought I had lost you and it scared the shit out of me. Any future I've imagined has you in it, without you, I'd be lost." The silence is interrupted by my cries. "Please, come back to me,"

I gasp as I feel his hand squeeze mine. 

"Niall?" He does it again. "I'll call the nurse," I start to stand up but, he tugs my hand back down. He shakes his head. I furrow my brow in confusion. He opens his eyes slightly. They lock on mine. 

"Lay with me," 

"But, you need some pain medication," 

"Later,"  His voice barely comes out in a whisper. 

"But what about-"

"Later," I finally give in and crawl into the small, crowded hospital bed, careful not to disturb his injuries and avoid the many tubes he is hooked up to. He smiles slightly as I tuck my head into his side. He slowly drapes one of his arms over me. "I love you too," He whispers. An overwhelming sense of calm washes over me as I allow myself to get lost in his arms. His warmth almost makes me forget where we are but, the pain is still there just, dulled.