Antiquities: A Short Story Collection

This Little Light Pt. I

"You don't know how to do anything." Nai scrutinized me. His horse trotted back to him, obedient as ever. I raised myself onto my hands and knees, fighting for breath. The fall would leave many marks. My tyke, Farrow, came to me, shoving his nose into my cheek. His tail waved furiously. My brother had been trying to teach me to ride a horse for longer than it should take.

"That's enough, brother." I told him. I put my hands on my knees, trying to recapture the air that escaped.

"Are you alright?" he came to me.

"I am." I muttered. He laid a hand on my back. I did not feel comforted. Farrow regarded us with caution. He was wary of my brother and others that weren't me. His hackles raised and he bounded away, treading out of our reach.

"I can't do it." I said.

"Not today. Tomorrow is a fresh day. Take pride in your trials." Nai clapped my shoulder when I righted myself. "If your cur was a horse, you'd be all fit enough." he bantered.

"I'm not convinced." I tried to laugh.

"Nai, Song!" we both jumped. Our mother loitered beyond our home. Her tone was foreign.

"Come." Nai mounted his horse with ease like a hundred times before. The wind picked up and tossed the horses braided mane. Nai swatted his hair back and he offered his hand to me. I took it, letting Nai heave me onto the animal behind him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, giving his horse caution as it tossed it's head. Farrow followed us at a distance. He avoided the horse and I didn't blame him. We flew back to our village at a canter, my stomach did flips the whole way.

I was the only one in my village who didn't have a horse. They frightened me. They were big enough to crush you without meaning to and brought hard down in battle. No, dogs were definitely the way to go.

"What is it?" Nai stopped the horse and dismounted, leaving me to balance the best I could. I shot him a look but he wan't paying me any mind.

"Boys, come with me." she opened her arms to me, easing me down. Her dull blue eyes searched me as I lowered myself into her arms.

"Mother?" I prompted. It looked like she was about to say something but she stopped herself and shook her head. Umber bangs fell over her shoulder. My eyebrows pulled together but she ignored me.

"What's wrong, mother?" Nai must have seen it too. I hadn't seen this look on her face since my father died. A man belonging to the clan south of us had slaughtered him. The people of Kitan and the people of Naita, my own clan, have been in many wars. Neither clan would agree to move their boundary or entertain a compromise. The clans belong to an endless cycle of violence.

My mother didn't answer Nai's question. Instead, she took both of our hands and led us through the village to the main tent. We gathered there for meetings and prayer. She kept us close as we entered, her posture was stiff.

My mother was a fighting woman. Many in the clan were. But my mother, above all, was as fierce as they came in Naita. It sent a shiver through me that she appeared to be restless. Farrow trotted at my heels whined, earning us irritated glances from others. They wouldn't shoo him, but his nature was not welcome in solemn places. I stroked one of his pricked ears and the low whining continued.

"What's this?" Nai took in the crowd. They shuffled like nervous cattle. Before mother could answer, our chief spoke. His deep, rich voice silenced all other conversations. It was loud enough to reach us all.

"Kitan has declared war." he announced. His face, aged like soft fruit, was grave. Silver hair cascaded over broad shoulders. It looked as if it were trying to escape from the braids that held it place.

"The battle will decide which of us must migrate north. When the sun awakes, so must we defend our home." he raised his arms up. A silence that that of winter night fell over us.

I'd been alive only long enough to hear this announcement once before and I scarcely remember it. I was old enough now, fourteen summers, to fight alongside the older men and Nai. My mother had gone pale and still and I knew she must have realized it too.

"My Chief." Nai's hand shot into the air. Our Chief Shinone, found us in the crowd and bowed his head. Nai mirrored his motion. My mother's eyes found my brother like an eagle who's found it's mark in dire circumstances. She reached for him, trying to force his arm back to his side.

"Eldest son of Wind." Shinone held up his bare palm. "Name yourself."

"Nai." My brother was as fine a man as any. Built like our father and my ideal man. His chest was broad like a fighter, but his body was slender like a fit horse. He had lively eyes that were finicky like weather. They caught people like the web of a spider and he had the venom too. My mother was never able to dissuade him.

"My brother must not go." Nai took my wrist and thrust my arm into the air. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Others had stepped away from us now and were scrutinizing us. I'd never known Shinone to be ill tempered and this was no exception.

"Does he say he will not?" Shinone's eyes fell to me and I met them as best I could. I met them like I knew Nai would but my lip was trembling and my palms had begun to sweat.

"I say in his name." Nai raised his chin and I tugged at my arm, trying to loosen his grip.

"Nai, don't." I hushed my voice, wary of those around us. My mother, seeming to recover from her shock, pushed us aside. I thought I saw pity in Shinone's gaze and my chest tightened.

I am accustomed to weakness and the things that come with it. I knew what pity looked like. I knew what everyone expected me to be, courtesy of my father. I am not my father. Not like Nai is. I am small for a man. My limbs are short and slender like the looming branches of the willow and hang from my trunk all the same.

"Wind." Shinone acknowledged my mother. He put a palm out to her and she returned the gesture. My mother was the the only one Nai would not fight. He bowed out of her way, but I could feel him seething. His hand was still coiled around mine.

"Your youngest is of age?" Shinone spoke with some sadness I didn't recognize. It was elderly like him, and defeated as I'd never heard it before. He looked at my mother with what I later understood was longing.

"Shinone," she started, "He is of age. My boys are all I have." She clenched her jaw and tucked her hair behind her ear. I don't know if she was aware of the other eyes on us, or if she cared. "He has no horse." She told him. "He's hardly a man at all. Why should he still do the duties of one?"

I squeezed Nai's hand. My mother had never talked about me like that. She never acknowleged my shortcomings, in public or private. My eyes stung but I stood taller. Nai squeezed my hand in return and I resisted the urge to run away.

"We can provide him one." The beads in Shinone's caught the light and he looked like everything I'd wanted to be. My body was not made for such things.

"He can't ride." My mother shook her head. My mother didn't plead. Not our ancestors, not our father, and never Shinone. But she slammed a fist to her chest anyway. "He is not rightly a man."

"Isn't he?" Shinone regarded Nai and I. I wished very hard to disappear.

"No."

"He will ride with Nai. It is the kindest I can do." Shinone rubbed the wrinkles deeper into his forehead. "He is your son, and thus he is a man." His posture dismissed us. "Men of our fighting age will say their rights and prepare their horses."

"My son is mine but no man." Wind shouted over the murmering that had begun to buzz in the tent.

"If he has honor. He will be among us." Shinone didn't spare her a glance. He turned on his heel and showed us the back of his hand.

"Nyhena is with you." The tent fluttered and he was gone.

"Song." Nai started, but I was already running, wrenching my hand out of his. I didn't feel the thistles strip skin from my shins nor did I hear Farrow lopping beside me. "Song!"