Learning to Swim

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I grimace at the burn as the liquid fire travels down my throat. Immediately after, I take a second swallow. I want to forget the past two days and everything else while I’m at it. I just want all the worrying and stress to go away for a little while along with the pain and sadness. I’m so sick of being sad.

I bet my mom would be so proud of me, I think bitterly. I’m finally following in her footsteps. At that thought I take another long pull from the bottle, hoping to drown out the bitterness. It doesn’t take long before a buzz spreads throughout my body. I had planned to stop drinking by this point, but the more I drink the more it seems like a good idea to continue. I don’t stop until the bottle is empty and there was a lot left when I started. Then I stumble into the kitchen and search the cabinets for my mom’s stash. I know there is more and I come upon them a few minutes later.

I don’t even read the label to know what it is I’m drinking before tilting it back and pouring the burning liquid down my throat. I wonder what Liam would think of me now. I bet he would finally realize I’m not worth a second of his time. For some reason this causes me to laugh and then I’m giggling uncontrollably. Somehow that turns into tears and I drink a little more to make the pain go away.

Everything is hazy and the room starts to spin. Suddenly I feel burning hot and breathless. I decide I need air and stumble my way outside. It is unbelievably good to feel the cold winter breeze brushing against my bare arms. I’m in nothing but a tank top and shorts, but the cold doesn’t affect me in the least. I find myself walking down the sidewalk of my dark street for some reason that I can’t recall. Whatever it was doesn’t matter and I just keep walking.

At one point I feel something vibrating in the pocket of my shorts and I pull out my cell phone to see that I have a call from Liam. Something tells me not to answer, but a more reckless part of me demands that I do. I listen to the second.

“Dakota? Are you there?” Liam’s voice comes through the phone and I cringe at the memories it brings back. Then I push it all aside and slip back into the nothingness that hurts so much less.

“Liammm!” I giggle.

“Are you okay? I really need to talk to you, but you haven’t been answering my calls,” he says, sounding confused.

“Mmm fine. It’sss cold,” I slur, suddenly realizing that I’m not wearing any shoes. Somehow it doesn’t bother me much, but the warmth I was feeling before does seem to be disappearing a bit. I drink a little more, hoping it will make the cold go away.

“Are you…drunk? Dakota, where are you?” Liam demands a tint of concern lacing his voice. I forgot how much I love the sound of his voice. It’s the nicest sound in the world.

“Ish none of your buisnessss,” I mumble and sit myself down on the sidewalk, feeling tired and sick.

I don’t feel like talking anymore and I press some buttons on my phone to try and end the call before dropping it on the sidewalk. Nausea settles in my stomach and a moment later I lean over and puke all over the cement. After this holding myself up seems like too much effort and I curl into a ball on the sidewalk before promptly passing out.

* * *

At some point I’m vaguely aware of being lifted off of the ground and carried somewhere. I don’t know who and I don’t know where, but I can’t find the energy to care. I can’t even find the energy to open my eyes. I feel myself slipping away again and I don’t fight it. Everything fades to blackness, which is completely fine by me.

The next time I come to is due to a door being slammed shut. It echoes in my ears, making me cringe. There is a pounding in my head that refuses to fade, making it impossible for me to fall back to sleep. I groan and roll over, pushing my face into the soft mattress.