TW: This chapter contains mentions of abuse and suicide, panic attacks, mental illness and ED. please read with caution!
I have a lot of regrets in my life. Who am I kidding? Everyone does. For me though, these regrets haunt me more than ever. Even the little things.
One of my regrets was not being an adventurous teen. I made myself stay inside because of my mom and the moment she decided to let me have freedom, I chose to stay inside still, only leaving if it was band related, school, or for work.
The most "adventure" I had in high school was when I would go with my band to perform for parties (we even had performances for parties at different high schools, that's how much of a following we had). The best performance we did was definitely our senior year for Halloween.
I dressed up as Luna from Scooby Doo's Hex Girls with the dress and everything, even going as far as using straws to curl my hair so it would have more volume. My least proud moment of that day was my attempt of hooking up with a random girl at that party. I don't usually do stuff like that, but I was stressed and decided to give it a try. Never again because not only did I back out last minute and embarrass myself looking at the naked girl on the bed, it just didn't feel right to do it anymore.
The day my dad and step mom decided to throw a house party, I skipped it. The parties they threw would always last until the next morning when the sun would rise (literally) and the house would be a mess for 2 days and all of a sudden, the house needed to be cleaned last minute at the ass crack of dawn so I made sure to stay at Elizabeth and Layla's house. I also made sure to bring my Xbox to avoid it being caught in the mess of the party and clothes for the next couple of days.
Sadly, even at a friends house, I could never get any sleep. I would always be up until midnight for no reason. I use to always be able to sleep early (probably because I was depressed), then I moved in with my dad. Proper sleep schedule, gone.
A majority of the time, I would be up due to my anxiety and over thinking everything. Currently, that's why I'm inside the bathroom while everyone in the house was asleep. I sat inside the bathtub on top of a towel, huddled close to my knees as I controlled my breathing. It was hard to see and my throat was getting dry from all the crying I was doing while trying to focus on the music through my headphones.
Such a lonely day shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
I hiccuped and tried continuing to sing the lyrics softly. It was a year ago, why can't I forget about it already?
Such a lonely day, and it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
The tears continued pouring down my face as I grasped my hands into my scalp.
The times my mom would treat me like shit, when she would say she should've aborted me when she had the chance. When she packed all the things in my room and threatened to call the police on me if I ever came back.
And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away
When she slammed my head against my bedroom door and dragged me by the hair around the house because I apparently gave her attitude.
The music stopped and my phone started ringing. I grabbed my phone and look at the caller ID and saw it was Anthony. I gasped as I tried to catch my breath before answering it. "H-hello?" I croaked, wiping my face.
"Hey Rose, I wanted to call to check on you."
It's almost midnight. Why is he calling now?
"I saw your Snap about being in someone's house in Boston and I saw your Xbox."
YOU ARE READING
Innocent Rose
Romance*MAKE SURE TO CHECK TW BELOW DESCRIPTION BEFORE READING* Alejandria "AJ" just wanted to get through her first year at community college and continue going through her life. She was numb to the world after all that she's been through, until she met...
