5 Year Love

2016

This was around our freshman-sophmore year, if im not wrong.

Yeah, we were still together. It must have been this year. I went out of state on a family vacation. I ended up cheating. It was a kiss, at least that's all I told you. I shouldn't have lied. No, we didn't have sex, but we did do more than kiss. And yes, I regretted it, both cheating and not telling you the truth. My excuse was that i didn't want to hurt you, i hurt you anyways and I hurt myself the worst.

Cheating, i now know, doesn't mean we should work on the relationship, it means we should end it. But we didn't.

At some point you became distant. I didn't feel wanted and so i looked for what i wanted in someone else. I can't believe that at our age we had gone through so much already. My other friends were experiencing their first relationships and we were destroying ours.

I can't remember why you were distant, i guess you sensed there was something wrong. I remember talking about it, but it's the details that escape me.

It's not an excuse, but it's how i felt, how i saw things. And for anyone wanting to come at me, we never got over it, i don't expect someone else to.

We tried to work on our communication. We took a break. You met a girl, a thin red head. One of your friends had been trying to introduce you two for a while, and you took our break as your opportunity. I was a huge blow at my self esteem, i wondered what she had that i didn't. You must've felt the same way when you found out i cheated on you. He had nothing that you didn't. He was there and I wanted someone to care, or at least pretend to care.

You strung her along, the entire time still loving me. At least, it was the only version of romantic love we knew, it was true to us then. I told you to choose between me and her and you said you chose me, but you continued to string her along, only this time you strung me along as well.

If you could mess with two girls at once, i could do the same.