5 Year Love

2015

I think around this time I met your mom. I was the first girl you introduced to her. I know that around this year we had sex for the first time. I regret how it happened, how soon i let it happened. But i don't regret losing it to you.

You told me you wanted me to do things, and i did them. I didn't know what i was doing, sometimes i didn't like what i was doing. But you were my first. And you never took it far enough for me to leave the relationship.

In retrospect, I was too scared to leave. I wanted someone to be with me, i didnt like to be alone. Maybe that's all our relationship ever was, me staying because i was scared of being alone.

You met my parents this year too. After they knew, we were able to hang out more often. You took me out, spending time and money on me. I never liked your gifts, but i didn't want you spending a lot on me so i dealt with it. You never bothered to learn my passions, did you? I can't remember anymore.

Nothing memorable happened this year apart from that.

We talked about our families and our hopes for the future. I wanted a big house with a kid or two and a pet. You agreed and I could picture you as part of my future. You could picture me in yours too.

I thought we'd get married after high school, move in together after college, buy a house and have the perfect family. If i try to picture us now, we'd likely be the ones who split up a week after moving in together.