No. That's all I have to say. No. No to people, no to me, no to living. That's all I can say anymore. Maybe if I say it enough, everything will fade away into the air, and disappear. Another day passed, another one to come. It's kind of strange, I'm so weak, yet, I've held on for so long... Why? I'm not sure, I think there's just this small part of me that hopes there will be someone in my life who will come and show me it's not worth dying, and to live is an amazing experience. I guess I just want something I won't get....
Truthfully, I don't know why I'm so unhappy. I mean, other then the constant bullying and name calling... and mom and dad. I think it started when I was eleven. SOmehting triggered in me one day, and my heart shattered. I rememeber going home, and seeing mom spraled across the floor, beaten and bruised from father, alchohol in one hand. I looked at her body, and a part of me left that day, and it never came back.
Things changed for me, I began to realize how messed up I was, and life was terrible. I knew people didn't live like me, and it was horrible for me. I began crying at school, and going to the counselor. At home, I locked myself away... People at school found out about me, and I was teased for who I was. Life got so much harder, and it just became unbearable.
One day, I had a rough day. I came home, eyes burning with red, nose running, hair disheveled. I went up to my room, tossing my bag to the floor, staring into the distance blankly. I trudged to the bathroom, and opned the drawer swiftly, pulling out one thing straight razor, as tears welded in my eyes. Pulling my sleeve up, I kissed my arms with the cool metal. Again and again, until my arm was raw and bloody. I dropped the razor and bled, crying endlessly on the floor...
That night, was the begining of my escape. After that, I cut, everyday, anytime. It was my only way of bearing... And it still is.
I guess, this writing has helped. I think getting out my emotions or whatever helps a bit. It's difficult keeping things in.......
-Asher Renee Kingston
YOU ARE READING
The Diary of Asher Reneè Kingston
Fiksi RemajaAsher's back, but... this s his journey up until the Boy who cried...razors?' suicide scene. it will be incredible, I'll give you this much. This, this is the boy you may have grown to love, in every possible way. Things unknown will be discovered...
