.weighted. //frerard

.notes.

I threw on my bag as I ran for the bus, trying to desperately catch up to it as it sped down the road, leaving me to lose my breath and stagger to a stop. I was fucking tired of this. Someone had again, told the bus driver that I was getting driven to school today and they didn't need to stop at my house... Wonder who that was for the 16th time this month. Never gets old. 

I gave up the quest for the bus and resigned myself to being late that day. At least my mom wouldn't care about the amount of "tardy" marks I had on my report card for that semester... She was cool about that stuff, thankfully. I looked around and saw other people driving by and looking at me like I was crazy, so I made my way back to the sidewalk and set myself at a steady (yet speedy) pace. 

Wishing more than ever for the day to be over already, and I had just fucking rolled out of bed in time to get to school as the bell rung. Earning me a congratulatory cheer from one of those teachers that pretends to be way too much like a kid for comfort. Like I'm talking pedophile level acting. I didn't reply to them. I couldn't even laugh at the way her arms went up to cheer stupidly. Then people would hear my voice, and I just didn't want that.

Giving a polite smile to the teacher, I walked to the first period class. The first period class that day was one that I took along with none other than Gerard fucking Way. I played it cool as always and sauntered in with minimal glances in his direction, nearly cracking a smile when I saw how dumb his face looked staring at me in shock. You could see him wondering how in the hell I got to school on time today, considering his stunt with the bus that had usually hindered my ability to do so. 

The class passed relatively smoothly, and luckily I was able to say the same for the rest of the day. Apart from the normal event of a bunch of people whispering behind my back, I really didn't have too many bad run-ins.

After the final bell rang and the last few people were clearing out of the hallways, I finally went to find the letter for today. 

Of course, this sounds fucking crazy. 

Gerard Way was an asshole who liked to fuck with me in any way possible, so I'm not even surprised he would start (and keep on doing) something like this. 

See, he had been leaving notes in my locker every single day since the first day of high school. And the first few notes, I had been dumb enough to read. They all contained close to the same things. "Go kill yourself", "You deserve to suffer for the rest of your life for being such a fucking nuisance"... You know, normal Gerard stuff. 

Soon enough I just learned to not fuckin read any of them anymore. But me being the curious ass I was, decided to keep them anyways. I had this box under my bed filled with the notes. They all had dates written on them, not by me of course. Gerard had been kind enough to date every single note he had left since day 1. How thoughtful of him, wasn't it?

Even if I never read the letters, it became part of a routine that I kind of enjoyed. It was one of the few consistencies in my life and I guess I did have Gerard to thank for that.

I started on the path to my house when I left the school and quickly pocketed the note. I didn't want anyone still left in the hallways to assume I had a secret gay lover or anything. I'm not gay at all. I am not.

Of course... Who else am I to run into other than the one... The only... The disgusting... 

Gerard.

Without hesitation he ripped off my bag and shoved me to the ground, my shoulder feeling the brunt of the impact. I didn't wanna deal with this stuff again so I decided to just get back up and try to walk home. In the middle of trying to gain my balance, he shoved me down again, this time using his knee to push me down at the chest. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and was sure to feel the impact of a punch, but alas, he left my face untouched and let go of the fabric clenched in his fist. Leaving my head with no support, my skull quickly met with the pavement with a sound that would have given you goosebumps if you were there. 

He got off me and kicked my bag across the sidewalk, snickering and watching me try to gain my composure as he walked off. 

I stood up, holding the spot where the back of my head was bleeding through my hair. Walking home injured again. 

-x-x-x-

//trigger warning, suicidal thoughts and acts of self harm

That night I was at the lowest point I had been in a while. It hurt to breathe. Not physically, no, I hadn't sustained any injuries to my ribs or lungs during the run-in with Gerard on my way home. It hurt to keep breathing. It hurt to deal with a new person hating me every day, a new reason to just give up and hope that if there was a life after this, it was better. 

The thoughts circled my head for what seemed like hours and hours. The minutes grew longer every second that I let my head go farther. And I let my head go far. 

Really far. 

Too far, oh my god.

too fucking far. 

The blood ran down my fingers and onto the floor, just as my tears did, only moments before. I shook myself out of the trance that I was in and grabbed the nearest t-shirt to wrap my arm in before rushing downstairs to wake up my mom. I needed to get to the hospital... I'm not ready to leave yet. 

I'm not ready. 

The room around me faded and blurred as the door opened to my mother looking worried, just before everything around me closed off, and the swirling darkness that enveloped my world, swallowed me whole. 

I wasn't ready...

//trigger warning over

a/n hey guys, this got real intense real fast o.0

but what do you think so far? would you rather more dialogue and less description? would you want to do a POV for gerard, or leave it as a frank POV for the whole time and maybe write a sequel entirely in Gerard's POV?