Eleven Months [A Bensler Fan Fic]

Fifteen

"He tried to fire you? And it didn't stick? What?" Olivia asked with wide eyes, as she watched Elliot sway back and forth a bit as he walked around the living room with Amelia in his arms.

"He tried to fire me, but I told him that he couldn't. So I still have a job. But let's not talk about this. I want to just focus on you and Amy." Elliot smiled tiredly. Olivia swallowed hard before nodding hesitantly.

"She still needs a bath... would you mind giving her one? I need to go get more diapers and wipes." Olivia breathed as Elliot leaned down and kissed their daughter's forehead.

"Of course I'll do that. I want to spend as much time with my girly as possible tonight... since I had such a bad day." Elliot cooed before turning and looking at Olivia. He smiled at her, and she gave him a forced smile back.

"I'll be home in an hour or so... I love you both so much."

"Tell Mama that we love her, Amy."

///

Elliot didn't know what Olivia really had planned. She stopped and got the diapers and wipes that she knew that they needed, before heading to the precinct. She passed Amanda on the way up, but Amanda didn't recognize Olivia at the moment.

Olivia quickly headed upstairs before into the squadroom that was incredibly silent. She waved at Fin as she made her way back to Cragen's office.

"Don, even if you don't want to talk to me... I'm talking to you." Olivia spoke loudly. He sighed as he leaned back in his chair before eyeing his former detective.

"Okay. You have five minutes to talk to me. Then I never want to see you again." Cragen spoke. Olivia swallowed hard before shutting his door and looking him over.

"Cragen, I am so sorry that I couldn't tell you what was happening between Elliot and me. That I couldn't tell you what the fight was about before it was too late and I was shot. I'm sorry that when I was finally allowed to contact someone from my past, that they chose Elliot. But he is my soulmate, sir. He and I are in love and we have a baby together. I wanted to see you and tell you what was happening, but I needed to see Elliot first. I needed to tell him what was happening. I wanted him to know what was happening before he moved on and gave up on what we had had... so please stop trying to fire my boyfriend. And stop hurting your squad just because you are completely pissed off at me." Olivia spoke quickly, and she was nearly out of breath when she finished.

Cragen stared at Olivia for several long moments before leaning forward as he ran his hands over his face.

"Marge and I couldn't have kids. We tried for years and it never did happen. So when I got my own squad, I knew that no matter how old my detectives were, that I'd end up being a father figure or something to them. That I would have to guide them... then I met you. Olivia, you were the youngest detective that had ever joined my squad, but you have been the best one that I have ever had."

"Sir-"

"Olivia, you are like a daughter to me. And when you were... when you got shot I felt the same pain I felt when I lost Marge in the crash. I'm pissed off at you because you made me love you. And I promised to never love anyone in anyway again. Because my wife was scattered across the east coast when her plane... Olivia, I wish that this never happened. But it did and I hate it."

"Don, I'm sorry and I will never stop apologizing."

"But you need too. You need to stop apologizing for something that you had no control over."

"So-"

"So I'm going to stop trying to fire Elliot. I'm going to stop yelling at my crew. And I'm going to take a leave of absence."

"Are you coming back?" Olivia breathed, and Cragen shrugged as he stood and moved to grab his jacket.

"I guess we will see, huh?"

///

Olivia ended up following Cragen back to his place and making him flicker the lights in his apartment so she knew that he was okay. Then she went home. She found Elliot and Amelia sleeping on the sofa, and all Olivia wanted to do was join them.

But she couldn't. She had more that she needed to do, so she walked over and kissed Elliot's forehead and caressing Amelia's hair before heading towards their bedroom.

Olivia pulled out her phone and quickly dialed Agent Harrellson's number.

"Special Agent Harrellson-"

"Hey, it's Olivia." Olivia spoke quickly.

"What are you doing calling my phone? You were released-"

"I need to know how Ale- Missy is. You know exactly who I'm talking about so give me the answers that I want." Olivia spoke quickly.

"Olivia-"

"We hadn't talked since I found out that I'd be coming back to my life before her. She didn't even try to see me and Amy off. So please tell me how she is doing. If there is anything I can help her with."

"She isn't doing great. She misses you and the baby. She's going to be released soon."

"What? How soon-"

"Olivia, she will come to you when she's ready and is allowed. I'll get in contact with you once  she is out of the program. Until then, don't call me."

Olivia didn't even get to respond before Agent Harrellson was hanging up on her. 

"Where'd you go?" Elliot yawned, and Olivia turned around slowly to look at him.

"I got diapers and then talked to Cragen... he's taking time off to deal with what happened."

"Did something else happen?" Elliot breathed, as he reached out and gently caressed Olivia's cheeks.

"He is really missing Marge lately... and he was missing me nonstop since I was killed. Well, just shot and sent to the program..."

"Liv-"

"I feel horrible for allowing this all to happen and for hurting everyone. No matter what I do, I'll never be able to truly get over this." 

"Olivia-"

"Is Amy sleeping?"

"What-"

"If Amy is sleeping, I need to do something to decompress. So please... please just help me forget everything for the night."