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Inhuman

“Come on, Jason!” The voice yelled. “Focus!”

Jason tried his hardest to concentrate and aim correctly. The Glock was getting heavier in his hands the longer this went on. The painted targets were moving erratically around the range and to him they appeared to be getting faster. Officer Shane Walsh’s yelling wasn’t helping him focus. 

He took a shot but missed again. The targets stopped moving. Jason removed the earmuffs as Shane approached. 

“I’m trying, I swear.” Jason pleaded. He knew Shane was a good man and an excellent gun instructor but he was being pretty hard on him right now. 

“Then try harder.” Shane told him. “If you ever need to use one of these chances are your target ain’t gonna stand still for you.”

“I’m hoping I never need to.” Jason answered, trying to be pragmatic. 

“What happens if you do have to? Huh?” Shane spat back. “A criminal decides to get revenge on your old man and comes to the house. What then?”

Jason lowered his gaze, his hair bangs falling in front of his face. 

“You need to focus. Shut down. Turn off your emotions and act.” Shane explained. “You can’t be human in that moment. You need to be a machine.”

“How the hell am I supposed to manage that?” Jason asked. He had always let his emotions guide him. Turning them off was like turning him off. 

“You just do it. You don’t manage it. You do it.” Shane told him. “If someone is counting on you every second counts. You don’t have time to think. You act.”

“I can maybe do that in the moment but not right now.” Jason explained. “This is target practice. Not a life or death situation.”

“What happens if someone threatens Kellin?” Shane asked him, narrowing his eyes. “You just gonna let them hurt him because he’s too soft and weak to defend himself?”

Jason tightened his fist, spun on the spot and punched Shane in the jaw, knocking the larger man off balance. Jason froze where he stood. He instantly regretted striking the man but he hadn’t been thinking in that moment. He was very defensive over his boyfriend for various reasons. No one was permitted to speak ill of him around Jason. Shane’s voice broke him out of his thoughts.

“Like that! That’s what you need to do.” Shane told him, rubbing his jaw. “Switch off and act.”

Now Jason understood. It wasn’t all your emotions that had to shut down. Just the unnecessary emotions of the moment. His love for his family and his desire to protect them was the very thing that should make him focus. He nodded and placed the earmuffs back on his ears. 

Jason turned back to the shooting range, the targets moving again after Shane had started them up again. Jason took aim and took his shots. Focused. He no longer missed. 

Jason’s eyes fluttered open as he adjusted to the sudden light that reached them. He sat himself up and rubbed his head as he yawned. From the sun’s position in the sky he could tell it was still early. Sticking to his morning routine he extracted his notebook from his bag and wrote down the tally mark for that day. Jason also marked down a second, separate tally. He returned the notebook to its place in his bag and looked around the camp. Michonne was awake and working out. Carl was still asleep. He smiled as he observed the teen’s sleeping form. Carl looked so innocent as he slept, much like a sleeping puppy. That’s when it occurred to Jason. Rick was missing.