The Immortality Guy

I don't know why I decided to step in front of the bus; just curious, I guess.

After the dark nothingness, came a euphoria that I had only brushed against once before as a 14-year old kid, when given intravenous opiates for a wisdom tooth extraction—It was reeally nice. Something I could get used to...Know what I'm saying?

So... back to the bus.

That was the first time testing my theory about multi-dimensional universes, Buddha, Heinlein's take on Probability Theory, and immortality; you know, the standard philosophical fare.

The way I had it figured, they were all one in the same thing, anyway-- Just inspired from a bit of different vantage point on Life, is all.

Anyway, it worked! All those previous times I had heard, "Wow, man! Were you ever lucky that that truck driver swerved right at the last minute when he did..." or, "What are the chances, Dude, that another dive boat was right there when that shark took a bite out of you..." sort of thing.

Was it really "luck", though, that every time in my life something potentially fatal happened to me I was somehow serendipitously salvaged to see another day? Or, was it a grander design of something or someone a hell-of-a-lot smarter than me, that my "near misses" remained just that—near—and I kept breathing? That was my working theory, anyway.

Didn't much matter, either way, eh?

So, yeh, of course I started "test driving" the idea a bit. What other choice did I have, really?

There was the night I climbed over the zoo fence with the hungry Siberian Tiger. I can understand why he didn't exactly appreciate my waking him up with the sharp stick. Admittedly, a few nasty scratches and a couple of new orifices... yet, I'm still here, aren't I?

And then, there was the swan dive off the 23rd floor of the Westinghouse Building (I had to pose as a window-washer guy to get up there—true test of cajone size, I might add )... And surprise, surprise! Woke up again.

But, then again, who's to say that everyone that "dies" doesn't instantly return in some form or another? I mean, it's not like the ink's still wet on the re-incarnation concept, now is it? But, then again, if that were the case, you'd expect the "newly-returned" to tell someone about it? Like maybe your distraught mum? or "bestest friend"? Know what I'm saying?

So, I must either be unique in my invulnerability, like some real-life superhero, or else others either didn't remember their previous lives when snuffed, or they returned as some other creature like, say, a cockroach... making it a wee bit difficult to communicate their experience to another human—without being snuffed again, that is, by the big black-and-red 'Raid' can or an angry boot heel (what a shite life a cockroach lives, now that I think about it)...

Perhaps it was simply the case that most really smart people avoid risky situations that might lead to their becoming dead and, therefore, never experience any "near death" events? Leastwise, prior to reaching "ye ole Golden Age of senility" that is—at which point no matter they came back as... they're not rememberin' nada.

(Stemming algorithmic analysis— I know, impressive, eh? Simple really, though, for a deep thinker like me.)

Which was it, then? And how was I going to test my newest brain wave?

Guess I was going to have to observe a few befores and afters, in other folk's lives—"Fly- on-the-wall," sort a thing.

And that meant unfortunately...Yup. I was going to have to off a few people in the process... a bit prematurely... all in the name of scientific research, of course...