In Time//Elavan

~26~

The air is still without the vibrations of  voices to disturb its peace. The only sound that could be heard was the soft gulping of Liz as she took small sips from the remnants of the hot cocoa Avan made for her. In the intervals of her sipping, there was only silence so deafening yet bringing no sense of awkwardness, only emptiness. The quietness between them was sitting there just waiting to be filled by the words that sat stagnantly in their brains or their hearts, whichever it was that spoke the truth.

Avan's brown eyes darted around the room from the dark wood of her coffee table and the adequately sized humidifier in the corner to the grey couch they sat on and the arc that divided the living room from the dining area. Her apartment is much bigger compared to his but it was to no surprise since hers was a one-bedroom unit and his was a studio type.

The soft clinking of the thermos against the coffee table echoes in the room and catches his attention. He gives her a small smile as she swiped her thumb over her upper lip, getting rid of the chocolate that still coated it. Avan has to close his eyes briefly as he was reminded of the kiss they so awkwardly shared somewhere around two weeks ago.

"Was it good?" he subtly nods to the steel, cylindrical container.

"Mhmm," she purses her lips. "Did it have marshmallow fluff?"

"Yeah. You said you wanted marshmallow fluff in your cocoa so I added a dollop."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he smiles. "Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugs, "I don't know. I haven't talked to you in two weeks or so."

"Gee, I wonder why," she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I do wonder why," he mocks her. "Do you have any idea on why in the world a certain girl ran from me and didn't talk to me for two weeks?"

"Maybe she needed to do a little thinking," she shrugs.

"Why wouldn't she just tell me that then? I was worried about her."

"I didn't mean to worry you, Avan, and there was no reason to worry at all. I was fine."

"You always say you're fine, Liz. That can't always be true," he frowns. "I know that you probably regret what happened and I don't blame you. I understand you needed time, but I'm here now and so are you. Would it be okay if you talked to me and make me understand what that kiss was all about and why you ran?"

Liz cringed at the sound of the word kiss. She didn't know why but a shudder ran down her back.

"It was a moment of weakness."

Avan deflated and he wished for a moment that he wasn't so transparent. He couldn't hide the fact that her words hurt him. Since she kissed him, he failed to stop the small flicker of hope in his heart that she actually returned his feelings no matter how small its proportions were on her part. Now, he knew better but like people say, the truth is a hard pill to swallow.

"A mistake," he looks down to his lap.

"That's not what I said."

"But that's what you meant," he breathes out an unamused laugh. "That's good to know."

"Yes, if I could turn back time I wouldn't have kissed you but it already happened, Avan. I can't change that and there's no sense in regretting it."

Silently, he nods. Try as he could, Avan couldn't speak through the dagger of pain piercing through his chest. He knew he shouldn't have let himself hope there was anything other than a spur of the moment action behind that kiss, but he was stupid enough to do it anyways. He wasn't  angry at Liz, he couldn't be. You can't force someone to love you the way you love them, that's unjust.

"Avan, look," she sighs. "I don't know why I kissed you, I really don't. I can only explain why I ran."

"That will do."

"It seems a little ridiculous but I was scared," she starts to gnaw on her lower lip. "I could feel myself start to trust you and it terrified me because I didn't know what trusting you would entail."

He nods in acknowledgment, waiting for her to continue.

"Since my dad, I've never really trusted anyone."

Avan feels his heart ache at her tone. It was soft and so vulnerable, almost childlike. She sounded so scared to let him in, so scared of what she was feeling.

"I understand, Liz," he nods and shakily scoots closer to her. "I know that it's hard for you to trust people because you got so badly hurt the last time that you did. It was truly unforgivable how he manipulated you."

She nods, biting down harder on her lower lip.

"But, little one, you need to understand that not everyone is like him, especially not me," he gently says. "People are all different and even if we're bad by nature, we make daily choices to be good."

"What happens when you just make the wrong choice one day?" she softly whispers, sounding nothing like the Liz he knew. "Then, I get hurt again."

"Yes, you will get hurt again if I decide to be stupid one day," he nods. "But you will move on and life will get better. I will make it up to you and try to be the best for you. No one is perfect, Liz, not even you, and that's okay."

Liz wondered how he could see through the layers of masks she wore over her true self. The truth of the matter is that Liz always had some sort of resentment not only for her dad but for herself as well. She was stupid enough to trust him and get herself hurt in the process. It was hard to forgive her dad but even harder to forgive herself.

"It's okay," he gives her a small smile. "Everything's alright and if it isn't, it will be in time."

"Thank you, Avan."

He smiles, "Whatever for?"

She shrugs silently before moving closer to him and leaning forward, wrapping her arms around his torso. He gasped silently, caught off guard, before wrapping his arms around her as well.

Liz seemed to fit perfectly in the curve of his body. Her head was buried in his chest but her eyes were high enough to look over his shoulder.

"Sorry for running off," she whispers in a childlike voice.

"Shh, it's okay, little one," he smiles against her hair. "No hard feelings. You're forgiven."

"I am?"

"Mhmm," he hums. "Now, you should forgive yourself."

She purses her lips against his shirt, nodding as she realized he was right. It wouldn't be an easy road but she was going to try.

Her lips curl upwards as she felt his lips press against her hair. Usually, she would smack the person away but Avan was the sole exception.

After a short while, she pulls away from him and he feels as if a small part of him was detached from his body. He displayed a playful smirk on his lips at the calm look on her face.

"You still haven't told me your thoughts on my song."

__________
when I was at an ultimate low in my life, I was about 14/15 years old. I wrote myself a bucket list of things that seemed impossible for me to do just to remind myself that I still had so much to live for because I'm young. I had forgotten about it until I saw it a while ago after my vocal lessons. One of the things on there said "To learn a song in another language". (Take note that I wrote it long before I trained with my vocal coach) It just made me so emotional to think about the fact that I'm learning a French song now. It was just a way for me to lift myself up from a bad place and now it's becoming a reality. God really does listen.

Question: do y'alls have discord?

i do hehe i only ever use it to talk to friends though

Hope you enjoyed this! Don't be afraid to comment down your thoughts. Lots of love! Be kind, y'all!