A SASSY GIRL'S CHEESY STORY :)

Understanding

After talking to Rian that day I didn't get much time to understand the situation. I know I am not good at understanding people's feelings and emotions but with Rian it felt like I know everything about him and at the same time I don't know about his deep feelings and desires. Days passed into weeks and weeks into months and dad is completely fine now and also joined his work. He seems to be very careful since then and also didn't ask me about anything. Mom and dad tried their best to avoid talking about me and Rian. I have a feeling that Rian told them not to confront me about this and that is the reason why they are not talking about it. Flio was also as usual calm and he said we are better off like friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. As now he understood that Rian loves me more, he doesn't want to keep me in further turmoil of feelings. I felt grateful when he said that in front of our friends one day during lunch. No one said a word regarding that and accepted that we are friends.

Now Iya and Joe are in a serious relationship. They confirmed it during Valentine's day and to be honest I wasn't shocked or amazed to know this coz I already know this would happen sooner or later. They both are a happy couple now and mostly avoid PDA for which I am very thankful.

Life seems to be in a perfect track right now but deep down I felt lonely. I felt hurt. I felt alone inspite of being with everyone. I feel uncomfortable even with people I like. I feel suffocated for no reason. I feel like my heart is heavy without any reason. I feel pain. I feel myself lost. I feel.....

" What happened Jassy? You seemed to be in a deep thought. What is the problem? " asked Flio sitting beside me on the chair. I was feeling very lonely so I came to have some fun with him. Sunday would always make me happy and energetic but these days it feels like the painful day of the week. I thought of meeting him but I lost interest suddenly.

" It's nothing. I was just... thinking I guess " I said unsure of what to say. I know I am a terrible liar but I couldn't help but lie to him instead of telling him my fears and insecurities. He smiled slightly and then served me lunch which was placed on the table and I didn't notice too.

" I can see that you are thinking but there is more about this thinking and may I know what are you thinking about? " he asked and served himself too. He looked straight towards me and I didn't answer him coz suddenly my throat felt dry and words were not coming out.

" Is it about Brian? I know you have not mentioned about him for a while now and I understand that you cannot be happy without him in your life " he said and started eating his food and I sat like a dumb idiot there without saying anything. For a reason I know I cannot function properly without him but that doesn't mean I cannot live at all. Is it real that I cannot be happy without Rian in my life? Is he that important to me? Is he much....

" For god sake don't just sit like that Jassy and tell me what is bothering you? " he asked with concern and placed his hand on my shoulder. I shook my head trying to remove all thoughts from my head but it felt impossible for me to clear his thoughts and few tears escaped my eyes. I wiped them quickly and drank little water to control my upcoming sobs. I relaxed after sometime and looked at Flio who looked very confused and concerned at the same time.

" I am not understanding what to do Flio. I know that I am the one responsible for my situation but I am not understanding how to solve this. I just can't believe that I didn't talk to him properly all these days. From childhood onwards we have been together and couldn't be a day where I didn't talk to him or meet him but now, he himself tries to talk less to me and avoid me. It was me who asked him to give me some time to take a decision but now it feels like I am not capable of taking a decision at all. He had always supported me in my every decision. Even now he is not trying to convince me or make me understand anything he is just giving me space which is feeling like a void in my heart. I am not able to talk to him about the feelings I am going through right now. Mom and dad also stopped mentioning about him. He rarely comes home and talks only when necessary and that is killing me. He should convince me, right? He should tell me how much he loves me right? He should try to make me understand right? He should.. he should... " I was not able to finish my sentence as Flio pulled me towards him and hugged me tightly. I didn't even realize that I was crying until I felt his shirt being wet by my tears. He kept rubbing my back and consoled me but my heart felt too heavy to stop myself from crying. I cried continuously murmuring how much I miss Rian and his sweet talks. He kept telling soothing words while rubbing my back and after long time I stopped crying and pulled away from him. He wiped my remaining tears and gave me a tissue with which I rubbed my face clean. After giving me a glass of water, he made me eat food and I didn't have time to protest so I ate silently.