Fight for Me

Chapter 71

Lydia clutched the envelope with the photographs tightly in her hand as she mounted the stairs. All the time she had spent the night before trying to get her emotions in check had gone to waste. Now she wasn't entertaining the idea of waiting to confront Sherlock until after her initial reaction had passed. She was pissed and Sherlock was about to find out.

When she opened the door to the flat, thankfully left unlocked, Lydia's gaze fell immediately on Sherlock, who was standing by the window with his violin in hand. He hadn't been playing, the violin hadn't even been tuned, but he had brought it out with the hopes that he could find the strength to play something. Music had always helped him sort out his emotions, yet it was useless today.

Quickly breaking her gaze away from her partner, she scanned the rest of the flat, finding that it was just herself and Sherlock. Lydia cleared her throat and asked, "where's John?"

Hesitantly, as though Lydia were a wild animal who would go scurrying off if he did not handle her with the utmost care, Sherlock replied, "he had to go in to the clinic for a few hours."

Lydia nodded and stepped further into the flat, finally deciding that she'd make herself a cup of tea. Having access to an extremely hot liquid probably wouldn't be the best idea when she was so angry, but the tension in the room was suffocating and she needed something to do. She didn't want to immediately lash out at Sherlock, she needed to catch him off guard. Otherwise, he would easily lie to her and she could find herself forgiving a man who didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry, Lydia," Sherlock finally spoke as he watched her get the kettle on. "The way I've acted has been childish and unfair to you. I know you think I don't trust you, but I do. It's just hard."

"No, Sherlock, yesterday was my fault. I shouldn't have gotten so worked up. It just hurt, you know? I've been trying to show that I can be there for you the way that you're there for me. I want you to feel comfortable opening up to me and I know that I'm pushing you too far. It's like I said yesterday, I knew when I started dating you that you were new to this and would be uncertain in our relationship, I just hoped that you would try."

Lydia's voice shook slightly as hot tears welled up in her eyes, her anger starting to erupt within her. So, without waiting for Sherlock to defend himself, she continued.

"But it's ok, I know why you distance yourself now, I was a fool not to have seen it sooner. I mean, I'm nothing more than a hot mess in human form, there's no reason you would actually fall for me. And I'm sorry for your loss, I truly am, but I can't continue on with this relationship if you think that I'm someone that I'm not. I may be an actress, but I am not comfortable pretending to be someone else just so I can receive your affections."

Sherlock frowned at her, not understanding a word she was saying. He had been up all night trying to think of everything Lydia could possibly say to him when they were finally speaking, but he had never anticipated something like this.

"Lydia, what are you talking about?" He asked, trying to piece together where she had gotten the idea that he thought she was someone else.

Lydia gave a bitter chuckle, "you don't need to feign confusion anymore, Sherlock. I know about her. And now I understand why you've never been the one to initiate kisses, at least not on the lips. Because even with my physical resemblance, I can't kiss you like she did, when you touch me it's not her skin that you feel. I know it's probably hard for you, but she's gone, Sherlock. And you're only hurting the both of us by wanting a relationship with me so that you can feel closer to her."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Lydia. I don't know what you've heard, but-"

Lydia cut him off by opening the envelope she had brought home and slamming the photograph of Irene Adler onto the table in front of him. Upon seeing the photo, Sherlock grew, if possible, even more confused.