𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 ~ 𝐓𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐣𝐢

11. M

The sun is rising and its light shines through the curtains of my bedroom, a warm comfort from the biggest star tickling my face after the previous incidents to give me some time to think before getting up. I take a look on my bedroom, the messy bedsheets wrapping my waist begging me to take this day off, the notebooks on my desk, my bookcase on the corner with books and magazines about how to deal with anxiety, videogames that I loved to play now cover in dust.

I walk in the room, checking everything, is the door's lock working? Any dust on my windowsill? Should I change the pillows? Looking at the hair that fell last night on my bedsheets, cleaning the mirror without looking at my reflection. Checking everything, over and over, absolutely everything but myself

What happened to me?

Is the bathroom clean? No wait, I already checked four times

But what if..

I'm spacing out again..

***

Nothing changed during classes, focusing on my homework and later sketching at the back of my notebook, barely listening to our homeroom teacher about the activities about to come, I just can't concentrate.. Sighing, staring at the chalkboard, listening to the birds outside, the attempts of a few classmates on communicating and flirting by passing notes to each other, stretching my legs, closing my eyes, yawning.

It's funny

No matter how many hours of sleep I have, I always feel tired

***

Mirio politely asked me if he should explain what was happening to me to Hado but I don't feel comfortable with more people knowing about something that should have been a secret in the first place.

Why would I want to track my steps from the past and have a conversation of something I really don't want to talk about at the moment?

For Hado I'm just grumpy, nervous and aloof due to lack of sleep, the stress of exams and the recognition of people when I patrol with Fatgun

Nice, another brick added to the wall  I'm trying so hard to get rid of..

Before I realize, it's time to go back to the dorms. Sun still visible in the sky, just a couple of hours before it starts to set. My hair soaked under the shower, thinking, what should I tell you when I see you? Thinking, do you hate me? Are you going to avoid me from now on? Thinking, analyzing situations that haven't happened

Overthinking

***

Exiting the train, walking slowly as if this was going to freeze time and solve the problem I'm in, Mirio on the other hand decided to go with me because he knew I might pass out the moment I got in the Café. His company is heartwarming but I can't help thinking he won't deal this for me, this is my problem

I have to do this on my own

-Tamaki, breath- Mirio snorts, taking me out of my thoughts- It's going to be alright

Yeah, because you are the one who's not going to talk

-She hates me, Mirio..- I sigh and notice how his eyebrows frown- What if..

-Tamaki..- he lays his hand on my shoulder- Don't overthink, let's focus on the plan; what are you going to tell her?

-Uhm.. Well..- I pull out a paper from my pocket and start reading it- Hi, M.. I hope you have slept well yesterday.. So.. I was wondering.. if you saw a letter in.. Y-your garden this morning..- I put the paper down and Mirio is deadpanned looking at me, but I can tell he is laughing his ass off inside- This is.. This is not going to work.. Right?