13th Street (Poly)

Why Am I Caged?

001
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   Whenever I get the chance to look outside the window, either from afar or from a closer premises, every time  I'm not limping or  free from where I'm chained to, it was fascinating.

I always wondered what's outside? All I can see are rooftops, birds and sometimes planes, even doves are hardly seen. At night when my Dad's at work and I'm at my best to walk past the balcony, well a few steps away from it, where I can gaze at the night sky and if lucky enough witness a falling star once in a while, I get to wish.

Right now is one of a few nights where I'm actually sane, away from the influence of medication that messes my brain, to actually walk past the balcony? Wow self! Ever since I was a kid, all I ever knew is this cage, as what my father and Nana call it. Nana, my  care giver, talks to me a lot about what's outside. From what I remember, I was banned from reading a book back when I was still five so I practically know next to nothing about the world as I am right now. I remember Nana covered in brushes and scars smiling at me and handed me my first book. As much as I'm concerned of her bruised arms and face, I'm more aware that my so called concern is a deadly omen since I lost a lot and learn a lot from it. Though I don't know how to read, Nana briefly explain what I'm supposed to know about and not. She teaches me how to carefully dolged questions from my father and tread my self situation since my cage is full of cameras to monitor what she's doing and teaching me.

I know what I'm about to do is a violation and I will pay a great deal after this but since last month when I turned 18, Nana never came back.

Where is she?

The last time I get to see her is when she gave me a box, saying it was a gift and I was supposed to be given one every year. I don't understand why and what she's talking about so she have to explain that I was already 18  and I have to flee. I was supposed to go out with her that night and open the box once outside, but she never came for me. I asked my father about it trying as hard as possible not to stir any question about the escape as what Nana instructed me to do if ever, but my father never spare me a glance every time I brought out the topic so I stopped. I just need to see with my own eyes.

My toes tingle with the wind as I felt the cold hard cement under my feet. Am I really doing it now? What if someone come barging through the door? What if father sees me? What am I supposed to see outside anyway? What if I fall and there's nothing to catch me at the bottom? I hesitated and contemplated for about an hour or so until I finally decided to go back in the end. There's nothing to see anyway. My father said this room is my world and I'm expected to be living within it so why do I have to see what's outside? It'll be troublesome if my father cought me sniffing and crouching in places I'm not supposed to go into.

I laid down in my bed eying the box Nana gave me. It's my choice to let it go but what she said keeps on bugging me. Should I just look into it? I'm thought to never ever break any rules and always remember them. I was thought the hard way that even thinking about breaking them gives me chills. One time when I tried to speak with the guard asking if I can go out I became bedridden for almost a month. I even lost consciousness a few times due to the heavy dosage that my body couldn't keep me up for even a few hours. I never saw the guard who spoke with me again and not a single one of them even spare me a glance after.

"I should just let it go."

I keep mumbling for a few hours until my mind clogged from the same thought.

"You should." That deep baritone voice echoed in my head like a broken tape. "You know better than pulling that stunt on me, baby boy."

I pulled myself together bringing the blanket closer to me as I felt him sit at the other side of my bed facing my back. I kind of feel guilty for doing that earlier and as expected he'll know right away. It was the right decision to abort that stupid idea anyway. I love the view from here and I wouldn't compromise losing my balcony just because I wanted to see what's outside. For all I know he could replace my beloved balcony to a cold wall.

"Do you want to see what's down there?"

The way he asked me is so kind I can hardly hear the menacing tone I'm expecting to hear from him. Is this a trap? I slowly turn around looking straight into his eyes trying so hard to figure out what his thinking at the back of that deep forest eyes. The way he looked suggest fondness but  thinking that I almost break the rules he set gives me the complete opposite feeling.

"Will you allow me, father?" I meekly said making my voice as soft as I can. "If it's what you want, I will do as you please."

He sneered, he looks at me with amusement. I almost choked from the tension and the pressure of that dominating aura he had. I shudder at the thought of the consequences of my actions. "You should have asked me in the first place. Then I wouldn't go as far as putting some dirty blood in my hands. Come then, my lil'one."

He picked me up and carried me towards the balcony. What did he say? Dirty what? It hurts me as the realization came flooding like a nausea wave that it didn't occur to me that his carrying me towards my end. What is he doing? I panicked as his steps echoed throughout the room. What will he do to me? What if he throws me outside? I'll fall. I'll break. I'll probably die. As our distance from the balcony grew smaller my breath grew thinner. I'm suffocating from the lack of air. My mind is screaming danger every step my father take closer towards what's waiting for me outside. I'm scared. I know I should have listen to him from the very beginning.

"I-I I... I d-dont... want..." My breathing started to deepen even more. I'm starting to have a severe panic attack.

"F-father ... Please!" I hiccuped, choking from all the tears I'm having. "I I-I won't d-do it a-again!! I s-swear!"

Either what's outside or what my father is hiding from me I don't care anymore. I just wanted to go back to my bed, right this moment. I'm not dumb, I know what he meant by what he just did. I'm not supposed to go there and knowing what awaits me if ever, I'm not allowed to. From the very beginning it's a taboo and if ever I thought of doing it again, I know what he'll do and fuck! It's downright terrifying enough to even think about.

"Shh... Hush Baby boy... Hush now." His shower of kisses and reassuring words keeps my panic from growing even more, I started to calm down eventually as he sat back down at my bed.

"I-I won't... w-won't go out... o- outside e-ver again." I hardly said clinging into him for dear life.

"Good boy. Yes, you'll never ever go anywhere. You'll forever stay here with me. You are mine. Remember that." He said cuddling me closer.

I hummed softly as I felt my lashes grew heavier. I don't know if it's okay to sleep without him telling me so but what I did today is very disrespectful in my part. I'll never do that again. I slowly drifted off as I felt him laying beside me at my bed.

"You are mine and mine alone, Azure." His tongue invading my own is the last thing I remember before darkness swallowed me completely.

😊