JEMIMA

Chapter 34

It was a lonely road, silent with no one in sight. Oladele sat in the car which was parked as he embraced the silence, that was all he needed now. He had never been a fan of lonely places except he was having his quiet time. Quiet times? He hadn't done that in ages. His head was rested on the car steering, he was so ashamed that he couldn't even face the bright light.

Tears rolled down his eyes as he replayed the events of the past months. He was completely done for, no doubts. How could he have done all of that? All this while he had thought he had it all under control, he had managed to play the harlot with God, he had dined with sin and he had failed to listen to his conscience. He had killed his conscience, so much engrossed in the worldly joy sins gave him. That he left the right part completely while deceiving all others.

He enjoyed sin but held on to his position. Dele was still the perfect pastor in the eyes of many. He was still their Pastor, with his suits and big Bible. Pastor Adewale Oladele was still respected, he would still give his sermons in church on Sundays. Noticeable by only true believers, his sermon was had watery for months. He had blocked the message of salvation off his sermons, all he did was a minister on prosperity, and being an overzealous grace minister. He had so much enjoyed the goodies of Satan, that he refused to feed the sheep the chief shepherd gave him to Pastor.

But now he knew why the Bible always caution that we stay clear of little sins. His little sins that had blown into bigger ones. It was costing him his home, his ministry, and his reputation. All at once. Never for once had he known and appreciated the value of a peaceful life, family, and an intimate relationship with God this much. Now he knew and it seems too late. Just too late. He had disappointed everyone the burden and guilt that seemed to have disappeared after his third night with Monica, was now ever on him. Alas, the devil had only given him a taste of fake relief and happiness, and he had accepted it with all joy. He had always thought it was love.

Love?!?! How could he have forgotten that God his love? How could he claim to love her when that 'love' had made him sin against LOVE himself. Lust was painted in deception making it seem like love. And telling his wife he loved Monica and Her? He was a big jerk!

What more could be here for him on Earth? He was so filled with sin that he believed God must have given up on him after several warnings. He couldn't even get himself to say God's name. Deceitful, dirty, and sinful, those were the words that perfectly described him.

Derin. She didn't deserve how he had treated her. The reasons for his actions at first were of no value now. He should have corrected her when he still had the honor. But now, she had nothing to lose, but he had everything to lose. He thought about Monica's options, he couldn't do that no he couldn't. He couldn't divorce Derin, if anything would happen to their relationship he would give her the honor of taking the steps. There were too many sins already, a huge burden, and a heavy heart on him. As much as he knew he was soaked in sin, he couldn't bear taking another selfish step.

He was tired of them all, tired of his life he's been living. Scared about what the immediate future had in store for him, it was not good. He had his options. It's either he commits suicide or he allows the guilt and aftermath of his sins to kill him.

It would be better if he ends it all. His head ran through a lot of suicide options. And he had to admit, dying was nowhere near easy.

His phone rang, snapping him out of his thoughts, but he remained in his reality. He lifted his face and turned to check his phone on the open space just under the car safe. with tears smeared face. He checked the caller ID, the name causing him to retreat. The caller called another three times before he finally picked it up.

"Hello Joseph", he greeted the caller.

"Oladele, what's wrong. Where are you", he asked hurriedly?

Everything was wrong!

"I'm fine", he lied.

"No, you aren't".  Joseph's response shocking him, he rolled his eyes, he didn't bother arguing with him, "I was praying some minutes ago. And I felt some uneasiness when your name-dropped in my spirit. I was sure you aren't fine", Joseph said.  Dele sniveled as his nostrils were wet due to his tears.
" What is wrong?" Joseph asked after he received no response.

"Everything", Dele muttered unconsciously.

" Dele. I know you are not alright. But I want to tell you what dropped in my spirit as I prayed for you", Joseph pursed. "Psalm 78:38-39".

But he, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not: yea, many a time turned he his anger away and did not stir up all his wrath.
For he remembered that they were but flesh; a wind that passeth away, and cometh not again."

I don't know what you have done Dele. But God stills cares about you. You might think he is angry with you. Yes, he might be. He is always upset when we sin against him, but the Bible lets us know that his anger is just for a moment. He loves you so much he can bear to stay upset with you".

Dele listened to him attentively, and as he spoke. His heart melted like heated butter. He couldn't hold back the tears again as they flowed freely. He looked out and it seemed like the heavens were watching him.

"I've gone too far Joseph. Too far", he stuttered tearfully and he cut the call. He switched off his phone and removed his SIM card. Turning on the ignition with the keys, the engine riled up. He sped off at high speed, praying in his heart that he could be run over by a trailer.

           ~~~

Pastor Dennis paced the room with a heavy heart. He couldn't get the guilt off his mind. Olamide was watching a movie in the sitting room. What would she do if she knew what he did?

His last mistake had turned him into her punching bag. What would happen if she knew about all he had been doing right under her nose. What would the church do if they found out? What would the Teens think if they knew what he did?

He's already miserable life would be completely ruined. How would the family react to all the rubbish he did? For four years he had engaged in this filthy act, he had tried to fight it at the beginning but lost all the time.

How could he tell anyone he was sexually attracted to younger persons? And that he had molested his niece for four years.

He sat on the bed and rested his face in his chin. He was messed up in the certain head.

Toni had been made to live with him after her parents' death. His older brother and wife died on the same day in an accident. Prior to that, he was Toni's favorite uncle. She was a very lively child in her early years, not like the boring and shy one she had grown to be after her parents' death. He had loved and cared for her with his life.

Olamide had loved her at first too, but that was before he cheated on her with a junior worker in his office. They had waited many years on God but there was no issue. Though he loved his wife, he fell into the sin of adultery the second year Toni started to live with them. Ever since, Olamide had been the cruel, atheist like a maniac.

Toni was a constant recipient of her frustration and anger. Even at that, he had made her face something else. He was the only one she had, but he betrayed her, he had taken away her innocence.
She wasn't able to say anything to anyone, She had still seen him as her only family, loved him like that, and endured whatever pain that came with it.

He had played with the love and admiration she had for him. He had made it difficult for her to know which is wrong or right. All his actions created a socially awkward person, a weird girl, and a silent one. With no friends other than the excellent Jemima. She had become A girl with very low self-esteem.

As if he hadn't done enough. Toni who becomes pregnant from their escapades on frequent occasions had to undergo abortions. He wasn't only destroying the life of a girl, he killed many more unborn children.

A tear dropped from his eyes as he thought about this. And now, when she probably needed him more than ever, he couldn't find her and he couldn't pray to. In all this he was still ever selfish, he had his home at stake, his ministry, his job, and the possibility of being locked up in prison by Olamide's family.

He couldn't own up to the fact that he was responsible for his niece's mysterious pregnancy.