Eli Cullen gets Lucky

04

A/N - If you want a song to go along with chapter, I would suggest listening to Temporary Love by Ben Platt, its what I listened to writing this,and feels very fitting:)

Part 4: Oliver

You're so stupid, how could you get close to him, he's just going to end up like Oliver, you should be locked up for what you did and now you're going to do it all over again.

* * * *

"Hey Eli," I say as I walk up into my brother's room, I don't see him at first, since he's hiding in the corner on his bean bag chair, "how was tutoring?" instead of answering he gives me a grunt and turns back to his book, "that bad?" I ask sitting down at his desk, "It went well, I think," he says, and I give him a look that says go on, "he just, makes me feel things." I can't help but laugh at my brother's stupidity, "it's not funny Jasper."

"You're right it's not, but you need to forgive yourself, you need to let yourself fall in love again," He flinches in a way that tells me he's being told otherwise, "don't let them influence your decisions, you'll just get hurt." It pains me so much to see him like this, it isn't the first time he's liked someone but refused to act on it, and I understand, it must be hard being told that you're wrong and a monster every day. "I've already been hurt," he says so quietly I wouldn't have heard him without my vampire hearing, "and I'm not letting anyone else end up like Oliver," he says with a terribly sad look on his face, one that makes me glad I can't cry or else I would be in tears right now, and probably every time Oliver gets brought up, no one knows what he feels quite like I do, no one knows how badly the voices affect his emotions.

I sigh and say, "you have to stop blaming yourself, it wasn't your fault." as soon I say it, I regret it "How the hell was it not my fault!" he yells "I'm the one who killed him, I was so stupid, I fell in love with a human, and I killed him, all because I can't control myself!" he yells again and starts lightly shaking, I know not to push him anymore, so I get down on his level, and I put my hand on his shoulder knowing too much contact overwhelms him, "we've all slipt up, I want you to find your one, and you will if you let yourself. Why don't you offer to tutor him more, and see if anything happens."

He shrugs my hand from his shoulder and just looks at his ceiling, his breathing heavy and inconsistent, "yeah will think about it, bye Jasper." I give him a sad smile and head downstairs, "bye Elijah."

* * * *

Eli's head is spinning, there's so much for his process, on one hand, he wants to get close to Lucky, but on the other hand, he doesn't want another person to die because of him. He paces around his room for a solid half hour before sitting down at his desk and opening up his journal.

* * * *

Dear Oliver,

Lucky Swan, the blonde-haired, blue-eyed wonder. He stepped into my life at the worst time, I've been seeing you again, I try not to, you know that but it is so hard not to, it's so goddamn hard, everything about you pulled me in, your smile, your bright eyes, and wonderful hair. I fear I am being pulled in again, and I fear that I will hurt him as I hurt you. But I don't think I can stay away from him for much longer. He came over today, in fact, he just left, I was helping him with a history project he is doing with Emmett. His smile reminds me of yours and I think I want to tutor him again. Jasper says I should offer him my help, just to see if our relationship goes anywhere, and I think I will. There's just one other issue, I don't even know if he likes boys. I want to ask Edward, but then I would have to tell him why, because there's no way Edward would do something for me without a reason, he doesn't trust me much since you.

Tonight Lucky said that he likes the real me, but I don't know how to tell him that what he was seeing was far from the real me, it was closer to the real me than the act I put on at school, but still, he hasn't seen my scars, heard my stories, hell he doesn't even know I'm a gay Vampire. I think that's what scares me the most, is telling him, or having him find out. I know his sister, Bella has come to close to figuring it out, and Edward will probably tell her any day now, but I don't trust her to keep such a big secret for her twin.

I've lost so much in my past loves, I don't know if I can bear it again, I don't know if I can be talked off another ledge. I guess I don't know a lot of things about myself, what do you think, is it worth it, am I even worth it? If Dylan was here right now, he would tell me to just go for it, just shoot my shot, that's why I love Jasper so much, he gives me my brother back again, but that's beside the point. It's been good talking to you and I think you're right, I just need to take things slow, and hopefully, everything will work out this time.

Your love, Elijah Cullen

Chapter 4: Oliver

Words: 1090

Published: April 10, 202