Moving Forward

Chapter 6: Reflections and Memories

Draco stayed there long after the two had left. Unable to face her yet, he had ducked behind a shelf when they had left. He himself left only when Madam Pince shooed him out so she could lock up. To be completely honest, he felt like a complete and utter fool. Coming back to school he had been consumed in self pity. Mourning his not quite friend Crabbe and his lost popularity. He never gave a thought to what others had lost in the war, or the fact that others felt any pain at all. Thinking that he was the one most affected by the change. Seeing George breaking down over his twin was like a slap to the face. Especially when Astoria had been the one to help him pick himself up after.

Astoria. There was something about her that fascinated him. She had lost a sister. Her only sibling. And yet she hadn't completely fallen apart like George. She seemed to continue on more or less the same as before her sister died. To an unobservant person it would look like she didn't care. But Draco had seen her shaking hands and heard her pain, clear as a bell. She was fraying.

He made his way down the halls towards the dungeons. His friends were searching for him, although he didn't know it. Pansy was near hysterics. She'd already lost one childhood friend. And right now all she wanted was the other one. Blaise was on his last nerve. After holding Pansy together during dinner, and having to do it again now, he was about ready to blow. Astoria was drained, but no one could tell. Her mask of stone was in place, and she was searching business like.

The Gryffindors and Luna had even decided to help, he had been gone that long. Though Pansy suspected that they were only helping because of their hero complex. Hermione was the first to find him.

"Draco! Where have you been? Everyone's been worried sick!" It should have been the greatest moment of his life. His long time crush Hermione Granger had been looking for him, worried about him. She was looking at him more as a friend than an enemy. And yet he felt nothing. The self loathing was so dense it snuffed out any positive feeling trying to rise up. Hermione didn't notice. Her good deed done, she turned and created a Patronous to tell the others the good news. Draco trailed mutely behind her all the way back.

Upon entering the common room he was immediately jumped by Pansy. Who first clung to him, and then began to punch him. "You. Idiot. Don't. Ever. Do. That. To. Me. Ever. Again." She could tell something was off when he didn't respond. Ron clapped him on the shoulder and left with his girlfriend. Blaise took his place at Draco's shoulder.

"Thank goodness. Pansy was practically climbing the walls. Please never do that again." Astoria hung back, scrutinizing and dissecting his body language. Her head tilted to the side, her beautiful grey eyes narrowed and lips pursed. She stood there until everyone but Draco was gone. Even Blaise picking up on the 'I need to talk to you' vibe.
They stood there studying each other for a minute. Really, Draco wanted to be anywhere but there. Being in the presence of the main object of his guilt wasn't making him feel any better.

"Beating yourself up about it won't change anything." Draco looked up sharply from where he was studying the leg of a chair. "I don't know why you're feeling guilty. I won't ask. It doesn't seem like you want me to. But feeling guilty will do nothing. Use the emotion. Do something with it. Paint a picture, write a song. Find an outlet. And grow." She turned to go.

"Thank you."She inclined her head in acknowledgement, but didn't stop. And didn't turn back. He wanted to bring up the conversation he had overheard. He wanted to ask her about her sister. But feeling like a coward, he didn't. His mouth opened, but his tongue wouldn't move and his voice didn't work. He tried to convince himself it was for the best. That she was fine. But her shoulders were weighed down as she walked away, and he knew, once again, he was just being selfish.

Somewhere else in the castle a red headed boy sat in a secret passageway that had been one of his and his twins favorite haunts. They had planned so many pranks and invented so many new products in that very hall. Looking around he could see his past self there. Grinning and laughing, carefree and happy. Complete. Because right next to him was his other half. Some people were all romantic about soulmates and other halves. Who said soulmates had to be romantically involved? He had always speculated that there was no greater love than the brotherly, and best friend kind of love he had shared with his brother.

"We had some good times, didn't we Freddie?" Looking down at the forgotten parchment rolls they had left behind, he could see the rough sketches for the massive statue outside their shop. Fred had always claimed it was a statue of himself. Since he was the better looking twin. Reaching up to feel his missing ear, the smallest of smiles ticked at the end of his lip. "You ended up being right once again didn't you? You always had to beat me." His smile fell, and the parchment crinkled in his hands as they tightened into fists. "For once, could you have waited for me? You didn't have to go headfirst in. Why couldn't you have seen the wall?" He reached up to wipe a tear away. "They're doing another tournament. Remember the aging potion? That wasn't supposed to be the only time I saw you grow old. Come back Freddie. I can't catch up to you this time. Come back." He curled up in that lone passageway. Among the remains of all the memories. Astoria said to be grateful for the times they had had. And he was. But he couldn't help but wish they had had more. And really, who could blame him?