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people often complain about wanting to talk to their crush all the time.

that's not a problem for me, considering he's my best friend.

no one knows.
thank god no one knows.
if anyone knew, it would spread through my school like a contagious disease.
and then eventually, he'd find out.

it's not that i don't want him to find out.
i plan on telling him one day.
i'm just scared.
scared of him finding out, eventually drifting away from me so i don't get the hint he wants a relationship. that would be my biggest fear.
losing him.

all my fantasies about us two stay have to stay in my head.
it hurts, so badly when i realize they're only thoughts.
often, i think about holding his hand.
pulling him into my embrace.
showering him with all the affection i can give him.
maybe even things that might leave a firm aftermath in the crotch of my jeans.

when i can't bother to leave them in my thoughts, i write them down.
sometimes on paper.
sometimes on the notes app in my phone.
i have a shoebox in my room, holding a pile of looseleaf paper, scribbled on with words of pencil. some have spots crumpled from tears.
all of them are letters.
to him.
to george.
i know what you're thinking.
cheesy, isn't it?
but it helps me.
not in the way i want it to, but it helps me express.

maybe one day we'll be together.
maybe one day i'll look back at them.
maybe one day he'll love me the way i love him, and we could read some together.

notes - dreamnotfound Where stories live. Discover now