notes - dreamnotfound

four

my hand is sore from writing.

i write the final words with my pencil.
love,
clay

i pressed down particularly hard on this one. maybe it was something to do with my emotion, though i'm not feeling much anger or sadness at the moment.

my handwriting is messy from me scribbling down words and letters as fast as i could. my thumb is rather sore from being bent and holding the pencil in place. i don't mind, though. it's normal for me. considering how often i write these.

maybe it's embarrassing for some people. to write letters like these.
not for me. well, not yet at least. i actually feel very comfortable in writing them. i feel no shame in putting my heart into these papers with words written in graphite. it's a way for me to communicate to him, though he doesn't receive anything and doesn't know i'm speaking to him. it honestly soothes me to dig into the back of my brain to my deepest fantasies. some of them are wholesome, others maybe more intimate.
i find myself thinking about them a lot, though.
-
(3) new messages from nick

BRO
DID U HEAR

what
hear what
huh

mADISON
MADISON
YOU HAVENT HEARD
SHE FUCKING LIKES YOU DUDE

madison...?
madison who?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??

there's two madisons in our grade

MADISON BROWN??
she LIKES you bro

hm. madi brown, has a crush on me. every person in our grade knows she's one of the "hottest" girls in school. theres guys just drooling over her everyday. maybe around a hundred guys willing to pay for her nudes.
yeah, she's pretty. sure. i'll admit.
but could i care less that she likes me?
nah.
i couldn't give a lesser shit.
my eyes are on someone else anyway.

i laugh for a bit.
it's like something out of a movie, isn't it? the most popular and hottest girl in school, crushing on a boy who isn't as popular. and just like in the films, his eyes are on someone else. in my case, it's a boy.

oh
nice

that's it??
that's ur reaction?
ur capping

if i'm honest i couldn't give a lesser shit

shut the fuck up
i know ur freaking out

nick i don't even know if i like girls anymore

the hottest girl in school
and you're gonna turn her down?
are u fr??
not even gonna give her a shot?

i literally think i'm gay tho
not even bi anymore
like full gay
no girls
i couldn't care less about her honestly

whatever man
you do you

i laughed again. i feel like an actor in a movie, though it's not dramatic at all. i find it hilarious in a way.
maybe she doesn't know i'm gay. i doubt that. i'm not out to too many people, anyway. just people i trust that won't chant it like a prayer.

if i'm honest, i've never really exchanged words with madison. i've always seen her as just another person, unlike most of the other guys who would do anything to fuck the shit out of her.

(2) new messages from gooogy

have u heard
madi brown

yeah
nick told me

congrats dude!!!
you gonna ask her out?

nah

stop lying
are you just playing hard to get

george i don't even know if i like girls anymore lmao
i've been thinking recently and i think i'm gay but idk yet

oh cool
for me? 🥺❤️
LMAO JOKES

yeah, we're dating now
come here and give me a kiss on the ass cheeks 😘😘😘🥺

i'm blocking you

BNO WAIT
i apologize
i'm sorry 😔💔

you cannot send messages to this user anymore.

-
a/n
may b hes gay 💔 mayb he still likes garls 😫
may b he's gonna run to george's house and they'll start making out 💔