The Timing of Love

Chapter 12

I dreamt about him. Again. It was the time after he told me he had cancer. I should have been angry, he kept it a secret from me. To protect me. To shelter me. That was what he said. I wondered if I knew, would I had kept my distance from him? Probably not. By two years, I was too in love to walk away. After learning he had cancer, I hugged him and cried throughout the day. He tried to soothe me, to comfort me but it was pointless. I remembered asking him if he was going to die and leave me. His face, filled with extreme sadness, shattered my heart before his words.

"It's a stage four, Elle," he said, tears filling his eyes as he stroked my hair. "They said I only have two years at most."

That day, we cried together in front of the same fireplace we made love to the previous night. He cried because he was leaving me and not because of his illness while I cried because I loved him and hated the pain he was in. From then on, I was attached to him by the hips. During the few months left of his senior year and during the two years left of his life. I wanted to spend as much time I as could with him, making memories that we both could cherish. My hand went to the necklace around my neck. It was a golden heart, intricately decorated with vines. Inside rested the one dried petal of the tulip he gave me as well as the wedding ring.

All thoughts were stopped when the door of my room banged open and Julian walked in with a horn, busting my ears. Fucking hell. I sat up and sprang out of my bed, ready to murder the life out of him. But he was quick to grab both of my hands with his free one while smiling.

"What was that for?" I asked through gritted teeth as he looked around my room, taking in the off-white walls, queen-size bed resting in the middle, and the balcony outside of the window opposite the door.

"I thought I would wake you up," he shrugged as he studied the ornaments and pictures above my bed.

"I was already awake, you twat," I hissed and pulled my hands away with so much force that I stumbled.

"I didn't know that so it was worth a try," he said and I turned away towards my closet but his next words stopped me. "Who is he?"

I knew without looking whom he was talking about. You see, most of the pictures were of Camilla, Amelia, and I. Some of them were with the boys. But I had only one with him that I hung out with the others. It was a picture of us, laughing and happy while he hugged me front behind. That day, I spent him cuddling against him under the shade of a tree in the park behind my childhood house. It was nearly in the evening when my mom came, calling for me. I had reluctantly stood up and kissed him goodbye before walking towards my mother when his strong arms pulled me back by the waist. We were looking at each other, laughing and my mom thought it would make a great picture. She was right. When wasn't she?

Without looking at him, I sighed. "He's Joshua."

"Ex-boyfriend?" he asked.

"Yes," I said and turned on my heels to glance at him. "Now, will you get out? I have to get ready."

He nodded and walked out before closing the door. Remind me to lock next time he stayed over. Hopefully, this wouldn't become a habit of his. I picked out my outfit, a pair of leather shorts and a white t-shirt with a rainbow printed in front, and went to freshen up. I let the warm water of the shower washed my tiredness from the previous night, being careful not to wet my hair despite the plastic cap on my head. After a while, I was ready, with the t-shirt knotted in front, showing a little bit of waist. I pulled on a pair of thigh-high flat boots, a red beret on my still wavy hair, and a long back coat. Moisturising my skin and putting on a little bit of red lipstick, I was ready to go out. I grabbed the black banana bag that Camilla gave me for my birthday and put all my necessities in it; phone, wallet, and lipstick and attached it to my bare waist.