Karl Jacobs - 𝐴 𝑏𝑜𝑦 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚

𝚃𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢 𝚂𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗

𝙋𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧
𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣

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𝙺𝚊𝚛𝚕

But once again I was tangled up in my bed sheets, cringed until my knees were as if glued to my chest. My eyes were dry to the brim of actually hurting every time I dared to blink, my eyes obviously puffy and red as they always were nowadays.

I was familiar with this miserable greeting of reality in the mornings, -or may I say afternoons- but it had never hit as hard as it did this morning. The usually restless slumber had somehow given up on me, leaving me sleep like normally once again. However, I would've lied if I said that the restless slumber was worse than this.

I was tired, for sure, but that was something I was used to. My body never really wanted to function correctly, but I somehow managed to make my way through my long days at work or streaming. How, I have no idea.

My body was more than happy to collapse any second now, and it showed as I stood up after a long break of hesitation all thoughts of getting out of bed. My legs were shaky, my knees almost folding as I used all of my strength to use them.

I was exhausted.

With heavy steps I stumbled over to the kitchen in the same clothing I had worn the day before. I simply just wasn't motivated enough to change. I got greeted by Ethan, sipping on his cup of green tea as always, a concerned look spread across his face.

"Karl..! How's it holding up?" He sighed. I nodded at him, gaining time to think about a reasonable response. Was I going to lie, saying I was good as always, or actually tell him that I was horrible, barely slept or eaten in days.

"Good I guess, same as always." I reply, opening the fridge to pour myself a cup of water. "You don't look it." Ethan chuckled unenthusiastically. I roll my eyes with a scoff. Wasn't it obvious?

I took a few sips of the water before placing it on the cupboard above me. My head was spinning, and my eyesight was becoming more blurry by the second, but that was something I didn't bother to tell Ethan as I stood there, my arms shakily helping me stand as they gripped the kitchen counter in front of me.

"Karl." Ethan said. I turned around, meeting his worried glance, honestly radiating nothing else but ignorance in my eyes, but they were blurry after all. Ethan was blurry, everything was, which made it hard for me to decide what he even expressed. "Sit down."

"Why?" I ask him, swallowing harshly, trying to hide the tears building up in the corner of my eye. It disturbed me how weak I could be, how weak I was. I couldn't I just ignore the fact that it would never happen?

"You're shaking Karl. Sit down." He said stubbornly. I hesitated, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of victory, even though I knew he didn't see me like anything alike a prize.

My legs willing to give up on me any second now, helped me get to the untouched chair which was the one that the blonde had pointed at.
Can't he just leave me alone? I mean, I love him, but jeez he can be a bother sometimes.

"What's going on?" Ethan confronted me. I muttered something incomprehensible underneath my breath, obviously a weak attempt on either avoiding or answering the question, but which one of them it was, I couldn't even tell myself.

I sighed, contemplating if I should give in even more than I already had, completely spilling my guts to the guy. "The nightmares are back." I said, my already weak voice getting even more muffled by the fact that my face was now resting in my hands.

"But a boy can dream, right?"
I asked the blonde in hope of getting any type of reassurance to ease my insecurities.

"Yes, and that's okay. Your nerves might just be a bit tense since, today's the big day after all." He said, sipping on his drink. I groan at the realization of what was about to happen. The day that I had dreaded for months now, that I had cried for hours about, had finally come. Oh how I couldn't be less ready for it.

"I really don't want to go. I know I said I did, but I-" I complained with a whine, groaning again at his upcoming response I knew wasn't going to be anything that would be to my advantage.

"I know you don't, and that's exactly why we're going, because maybe then you'll accept it. Because that's what you want to, right? You told me that would be the only fair thing, for both of you." He said, a wave of comfortable silence hitting us as I thought about what he had just said.

"I guess so." I sigh, finally giving up to my faith as my face was still covered up by my hands.

"Hey, go get some rest, okay? You've got a long day ahead of you." Ethan says. I nod at him before giving him a soft smile. I make my way upstairs on shaky legs, but despite the fact that I was completely exhausted I completed my way upstairs.

I crashed onto my bed, crawled under my now dry bedsheets and before I knew it, I was fast asleep.