Little stump

CHAPTER 10

         The tears I'd held in throughout the entire ordeal with my father started to spill out the moment the realisation of what I'd done hit me. Why? Why was I so foolish?

       I'd promised myself I'd kill this infatuation, I'd promised myself I wouldn't let another incident like the one in the car happen again, and I'd failed, miserably. I don't know what it was about Damien, I don't know the kind of spell he had me under, but every time he touched me, I lost all rational thinking.

     My mind replayed to what he had just done to me, he'd touched me, down there, and he'd reacted as if it wasn't anything special. It was special to me, it really was, physical intimacy was something I never really got into. I'd only ever had sex once, and it was the biggest mistake of my entire life.

     I was beginning to confuse myself, I didn't want to believe I was in love with Damien, that wasn't possible. I was too scared of love to love anyone. Nothing good ever came from love.

   Love was a demon, it was a monster, that United two people together, only to break them and laugh at the pieces of them that were left behind. Love was what my father had done to my mother everyday since their wedding, love was what my father had done to me everyday since I was born, love was me and my mom enduring what he did for so long, love was the way Monty had hurt me over and over again. It was scary, and it definitely wasn't something I wanted to get involved in, at least, not ever again.

   But then, if I wasn't in love with Damien, and my attraction was purely physical, why did it hurt so much anytime he got intimate with me? Was it because I was expecting something else, maybe a real relationship? That was a question I didn't have an answer to, and it was a question I was never going to get an answer to because I was never doing this again. This thing that Damien and I had going on, it had lasted for 24 hours, and that was long enough.

    I picked myself up from the bathroom floor, why was I crying? I should be satisfied, I was only curious of how it would feel to get sexual with Damien, and now that I'd gotten a little taste of it, my curiosity was satisfied. I was going to stop checking him out, and stop all the sexual innuendos that we were constantly throwing to one another. Well, that he was throwing.

    Yes, I was done. I was finally done. I picked up a tissue and dried my tears, I wasn't going to cry, not anymore. Damien was an asshole, and he wouldn't care about my tears, or the fact that he had caused them.

     I cleaned myself up, taking of my underwear that had become severely dampened due to the earlier ordeal with Damien.

     Leaving the bathroom, I immediately made my way to my room, avoiding everyone downstairs like the plague. I could see that mother had already slept off, and Diana and Damien were discussing something. I ignored them, and went directly upstairs.

    Getting to my room, I took out new clothes and immediately changed into them. I couldn't be walking around in the clothes I'd orgasmed in.

    Just as I was done changing, Diana walked in. She pushed her head into the room first, turning her neck around to observe the space. When she saw I wasn't doing anything, she fully entered the room.

    "Maddy, can we talk?" She asked, the most innocent smile ever pasted on her face. I nodded.

     "What's up?" I asked her, smiling right back at her. The situation with my dad was embarrassing, but not so embarrassing that I'd shy away from my best friend.

     "It's just..........." Diana stopped midsentence, as if contemplating whether or not to tell me what she was just about to.

    Whatever it was had to be serious, Diana and I had always told each other everything. Like literally everything, from random stuff like boys we were crushing on to extremely specific stuff, like how many shapes we found in our vomit. Neither of us held back our words, and we never, ever cut sentences from each other.

    Granted, I'd disappeared for six years and practically abandoned her, but we were gradually making up for that. We were gradually building back our strained relationship. Holding words, and keeping secrets from each other would not help that build. I had been completely honest with her since I came, well, except for the dad part, that didn't matter though. Why couldn't she be honest with me?

    Diana sighed, looking conflicted with whatever she was about to share. "I see you and Damien don't get along very well" she said, looking towards me with a serious expression. An expression too serious for talk about someone like Damien.

    Seriously, she looked all serious and stuff because she wanted to talk about little stump. I wanted to laugh, and laugh, and keep laughing, and then, scold Diana for scaring me unnecessarily. "Oh, we're talking about him". Distaste was very clear in my voice. She already knew I had a problem with him anyway, no need to hide it now.

    "Maddy........". She paused midsentence again, why did she keep doing that? We were only talking about Damien. It wasn't that serious.

    "Why do you keep stopping your words, Diana? It's just Damien" I asked her, genuinely confused.

    It's just............. I don't know if I should tell you this, Maddy". The uncertainty and conflict was back in her voice. She was having a serious internal battle with whatever she was going to say.

    What exactly about Damien could be so bad that Diana couldn't tell me, me? I was practically his elder sister. What was being kept from me, and why was it being kept? I needed to know.

    "Tell me what, Dina?". I pressed, the curiosity had gotten the better of me.

    "Just, please, Maddy, cut him some slack, I know he acts like an asshole now, and he's a little pompous, it must come with the popularity and all, but Maddy, he really isn't like that, he just.............. he has a lot of demons okay". Diana's words ignited serious curiosity inside me. What did she mean by demons? Why would little stump have demons? Her words made me feel a certain feeling in my chest, I'd already written Damien off as an asshole, and I'd made it clear to myself that I wanted nothing to do with him anymore, but Diana's words awakened a kind of emotion in me I couldn't control, the emotion that started all this in the first place.

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