ateez one-shots

a final embrace - kim hongjoong

There was nothing jovial in the manner which your partner held as he stormed around the kitchen. He told you he was fine, that nothing was wrong. But you both knew everything was wrong.

     You were seated on a stool at the bench, resting your chin on your hand as you watched him with a gaze filled with solemnity. Though Hongjoong had never dared raise a hand in your direction, the amount of apprehension between you made you flinch every time he closed a cupboard or put something down on the marble countertop.

     His brows were furrowed, a mixture of concentration and what you knew was anger and resentment. You no longer hated him, you couldn't. How could you hate the man whom you'd loved so vividly for the past three years.

     It appeared he hadn't quite reached the stage of acknowledgement with what had happened as his own emotions were quite clear for you to see.

     "Clearly you have something to say," you wind up remarking softly, knowing this will be enough to push him over and the edge and more than likely start yet another fight. "So why don't you just say it?"

     Hongjoong doesn't need to give this a second thought as he grips the edge of the countertop in his small hands, gripping it so tight that his knuckles drain of all colour.

     "How many times do I have to ask you to turn off the lights when you leave the bathroom?" This isn't what has brought him on the brink of explosion. You don't need to meet his gaze to know he is aware of the same.

     "Apparently you pee in the dark now, sort I'll just start leaving you in the dark," it's a remark filled with sarcasm, but you are unable to pretend as though all is fine and keep it to a peaceful discussion.

     "I don't work for the majority of my life just to pay your fucking electricity bills," Hongjoong sways back and forward slightly, still holding onto the countertop as though if he let go he may fall down from the pure amount of rage which was flooding his veins.

     "My electricity bills?" Voices start to raise yet again, "last time I checked it is you who puts the numbers so damn high after spending hours on end recording in the study instead of using your studio!"

     "I started using the study because someone was upset that I was never home. But as soon as I try to do what's right for my fiancé apparently it's the wrong thing to do," the closing of the phrase is almost scoffed which only stirs you more.

     You push away from the bench, standing as you feel unable to remain seated for a moment longer. Hongjoong tries to gage your movement, what you plan to do next.

     This only sparks a moment of silence. You would later know this to be the moment where you had both made the silent discovery as to how your relationship was over. It was in this moment where no anger was verbalised, where no petty remarks would made with ill-intent, that it became clear that whatever you had shared for the past years was gone.

     Seemingly unable to deal with this - or simply not wanting to accept it - Hongjoong just shook his head in dismay before storming off into the bedroom.

     "We haven't finished talking," you call after him, following his heavy footsteps of defeat with your own. He stands by the window, overlooking the house across the street as you come to a halt by the end of your shared bed.

     Though, you supposed you could hardly call it shared when it had been months since you stayed by his side. The couch in your living room had quickly been adorned in sheets and blankets which could be hidden with ease, to try and keep the fractured remnants of your relationship hidden.

     "Three years,"  his voice is low, "three fucking years, yet you still can't please me." This stings immensely. Too stunned by the edge to his words, you find yourself unable to voice your thoughts as your sight begins to blur.

     "Together for three, friends for ten," he continues which his monologue, not seeming to care for what he had just said. "My mother was our number one fan, she knew after only a few days that we would be married one year. And I believed her, I really did. Heck - we had it planned for two months time."

     "I can't marry someone who no longer sees me," you interrupt, tears having broken from the prison that your eyes had tried to upkeep. "I'm right here, all the time I am right here, but you don't see me."

     There are so many underlying emotions and words behind this broken phrase. Hongjoong understands the entire weight of it all. He turns from the window to finally look at you again but it's still as though he is staring right past you.

     "I'm looking at you now, am I not?" His brow furrows again, yet this time in concern rather than anger. He was one step away from acceptance. One step away from giving up.

     "You said it yourself," you try to hold back on a sob but you fail. "I can't please you, but maybe you will be able to have a much happier life locked away in some forsaken study where you can bed the microphone each evening."

     That's all it takes for the final straw to seemingly be drawn. He tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling. A ceiling which had cracked paint. A ceiling which began to fall apart just as your heart started to move on.

     "We used to be lovebirds, but now we're just monsters," there was the defeat. He was finally at the same point of acceptance as you. He was holding back on his tears and all you wanted to do was hold him one last time as a couple.

      Neither of you were really sure as to how things escalated so fast. The beginnings of what seemed to be a petty brawl over leaving the lights on had spiralled to pushing you both to the point where you were about to give up on each other.

      It hurt you beyond belief knowing some of the harsh words which had left your lips. Part of the parcel when being with someone for long meant knowing many of their darkest secrets which can be used against them in any future argument.

      You had fought before. Once you didn't see each other for a couple days, allowing for you both to blow off some steam. Today was leading to having the same outcome.

     "Maybe we should break up," Hongjoong finally spoke up. His voice was soft, in a way that suggested he himself weren't sure whether this was the right choice or not. "Everything has been turning into fights recently and that isn't good for either of us. I care about you a lot, I just don't think we are right for each other anymore."

      As much as it pierced straight through your heart hearing this, you knew he spoke the truth. The last few years had been excellent. It was natural for people to drift and unfortunately it happened to you and Joong.

     You didn't know what to say or do. You merely gave in to your urge as you paced over to where your partner stood by the window. He didn't move away at all as you wrapped your arms around him. The final embrace for the mourning of the love you had lost.