Haven't I given enough? Given enough.

1

Peter Parker

1.
Why in a city, so large; so excruciating large and wide, do I feel so trapped? Like there is no escape, as if I can't leave and I'm slowly being concealed by the world. As if just as slowly I'm being suffocated and stuffed into a cardboard box.

I look down at Queens, at the late night and cars that drive below me. Their headlights flashing and the frequent horns rattling in the distance.

I think to myself, It would be so peaceful, so quick. And I'm not lying to myself, the pain could so quickly fade away. It could disappear, and I'd just be... gone.

No more Spiderman, nothing. No more anything. I'd be gone.

Is that what I want? I mean, Peter why give up now? Why, after all the pain and suffering you've put yourself through would you want give up now?

You can break through the trauma Peter I know you ca- !

No, I'm done. I'm done.

I step closer to the edge of the Skyline Tower, the tops of my shoes reaching the very brim of the skyscraper.

It would be so quick.

I took a deep breath and held my hands in front of my face. They aren't uncontrollably shaking, in fact none of me is. Why am I not scared? I want to be scared, I want to feel something!

"I want to be scared!" I shouted into the abis stretching out infront of me, edging closer to the brim of the tower.
"I want to feel something, I want to feel! Let me be scared!" Tears don't stream my face, hands don't shake. I'm not dizzy.

I'm not scared, not of this. But why? In a few seconds I could be dead! Let me be scared, Peter be scared!

"Let me feel something!" I shouted again, "Please..." My voice cracked, I know I'm ill. I know that I'm unwell in the head, that no normal teenager would feel this way. But a symptom of depression is not not being scared. But being lost... I don't know, maybe?

"Let me be scared, let me be scared, let me be scared..." I repeated the words as I stood at the very edge of the tower, looking down at the quiet city below me. Lights reaching my eyes, begging for me to fall into them. My hands reach the roots of my hair and pull, pull so hard I'm bending my knees and contracting my stomach.

I look into the distance, It would be so quick.

I shut my eyes, reached out my arms beside me, turned, and let myself fall. My back fell first, arms reaching in front of me. The air is pressuring and hitting my spine in stabs, I could feel the air through the gaps between my fingers.

They say, when you fall. You re-live all of your favourite memories. But I'm seeing nothing but the darkness my closed eyelids allow me to vision. I feel like I should be thinking of the memories, I'm Spiderman! But... I always felt like a kid in a onesie. I'm not the Spiderman they expected me to be. I wasn't strong, I wasn't courageous or resourceful.

This wasn't a mistake, I want to die. I do. To feel the pressure attack my senses, but my mind spirals as regret fills my consciousness. As I fall I look to my hand, staring at it the same way as I did earlier, tilting my head as I fall to look at the creases in my palm. But this time, instead of worrying about the fact I'm not scared, I think of the imprints people have made with me.

When Ben held onto my hand, in his last moments. When Aunt May was grieving and held onto it in the exact same way.
These imprints are soon to be lost, but thats the choice I made right?

I re-close my eyes and accept the fact that I'm gone, I try to enjoy it. Enjoy the winds rushing through my hair, or the cold breeze travelling up my clothing.

I let go of myself, and just let myself fall.

"I've got ya kid."

And then suddenly, I'm no longer falling.

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Hi guys! So this was the first chapter, I hope you enjoyed. I think the second chapter is going to be a filler, on why Peter feels the way he does ❤️

This series won't be very long, I'm hoping for around 10 chapters.

Goodbye for now:)