Hell and Back (EXO x Reader)

Condolences (No Trials)

Word count: 1478

Chapter warnings: Mild language and themes

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"It's been two days." Kris said as they sat around the table in the dorm.

"Actually, it's been five days since we started the trials." Kyungsoo corrected. They all knew that hadn't been what Kris meant, but no one wanted to bring that up. "What if in that truth trial, we accidentally voted?" He tried to continue a conversation.

"Wouldn't Baekhyun have lost too, then?" Xiumin posed.

"I don't remember, I'd have to go back over who voted for who..." Looking up and thinking for a moment, he said, "I don't think so, Suho got one more vote than him. Maybe it wasn't random at all."

"That wouldn't be fair then." Well of course it wasn't fair. None of this was fair. The room was stagnant once again.

"We have to keep going at some point." Kris said in the silence. They all sat in front of their food, just staring. This had been their routine for the past few days. Everyone had managed to eat little bits and pieces, mostly on their own time, but every time they tried to have a meal together, it just didn't feel right.

"What, you just want us to get over it?" Chen glared in his direction.

"No, I'm- His death was meaningless if we don't win-"

" That was trial fifty-nine, Kris!" He shouted suddenly, slamming his fists against the table. "Fifty. Nine. That's barely over halfway. He's not going to be the first to die, you know that!"

"We just need to be more careful! There had to have been a way out of it, we just need to work harder to find it next time-"

"Next time? So you're just going to say that we were too lazy to avoid his death, he was just an experiment?"

"No! I wouldn't-"

"You know you would!" As they were yelling at each other, Sehun flinched, getting up quickly to bring his dish to the counter. He didn't like it when people were angry. Y/N felt tears rise to her eyes, heartily unwelcome. She had done nothing but cry for days, and the boys weren't helping.

"Both of you, fucking stop it!" Kai said, gesturing to her, "You're upsetting everyone-"

"Aww, look at you, trying to take his place." Chen sneered.

"He wasn't the only one who could see when you're acting like a child, you know."

"You're one to talk."

"How are you still fucking mad at me? What are you, twelve? It was months ago-"

Suddenly, Y/N stood straight up, saltwater about to spill all over her face, so quickly that her chair slid back and hit the floor surprising all of them. She looked between them, trying to think of something to say, but finally just rushed out of the room. She heard the half-hearted calls of 'Y/N' 'wait', but she was too worked up to deal with them. Kyungsoo turned back to discuss his theory regarding the trials with Xiumin. Sehun, still removed from the group, followed her in concern.

He didn't know exactly where she went, but he walked through the sitting room, then to the hallway with all the bedroom. Peeking into the first door, the lights were on, but he saw nothing. Then the second, then the bathroom door- still no one. It wasn't until he made it to the last room that he thought he heard something. Pushing the door open, he saw that the space inside was completely dark, but he heard a light, quick breathing coming from the other side of the beds. Moving around, he could just barely make out the figure of his friend, knees to her chest as she curled up, back to the wall.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Sniffling and quickly trying to wipe the tears off her cheeks, she asked,

"Are you?"

"Fair enough." He wiggled the bed over so that he'd have room to sit next to her. "Do you want to drop out?" He asked, but not condescendingly. She shook her head.

"I can't let you all do this without me."

"Why? It's all of our reward." No it isn't... she thought to herself. Oh... oh God. Now Suho was dead, and they weren't even going to get their reward? They'd never forgive her. She could find a way out of it...

"It's not fair, this is my fault. I'll only drop out if everyone else drops out." She knew it wasn't possible. They were too hard headed, to dead set on getting what they wanted. They wouldn't even know what the drop out fee was until they started the next set of trials, and by the time they were ready, they'd already be prepared to keep going. There were forty left. Could she do this forty more times? Would she have to watch anyone else die?

Watching her get inside of her own thoughts and panic, Sehun wrapped his arm around her shoulder, allowing her head to fall against his in the dark. He ran a hand over her hair gently, saying,

"I'm sure it'll be alright. Maybe we can find Tao and he can reverse all of it." Tao. Yet another thing she didn't want to think about. He never would have just left her like that... would he? Maybe something had changed, while he was stuck doing all of those challenges by himself. He was kind of their trump card, and he knew it, too. So why would he abandon them? More importantly, how were they supposed to break the news about Suho to him? And Luhan, oh God- he would be so angry. At least he'd managed to avoid the same fate.

At that moment, she heard the muffled shouts of Kris and Chen from the kitchen again, causing her to involuntarily seize up slightly. Feeling her fear beneath him, he continued muttering to her that it was going to be okay. A minute or two later, the door opened again, and Kai's large build was visible shoving two other people in the room. The light turned on, and the two rose, facing the newcomers.

"Uh, Chen and I wanted to say we were sorry." Kris said with an awkward cough. "For scaring you. Everyone's a little worked up." She sighed.

"It's fine, I understand." Chen turned to leave, but Kai blocked his way and Kris elbowed him in the side, indicating that he would have to say it as well.

"Yeah, uh... Sorry."

"It's alright."

Three days after the incident, they held a funeral for Suho. They didn't really have anything they would be able to bury, so instead, they took the calculator he'd left on the ground before the trial and a few pages of his sheet music, burying it behind the building. She didn't know why they'd waited three days. Maybe it was some desperate hope in a Jesus-like miracle, the prayer that he would reappear behind them and make fun of them for being so sappy, or scold them for wasting so much time. It didn't happen. As they stood around the joke of a grave, they all tried to say something about him.

"Suho, he, uh..." Baekhyun swallowed, having difficulty trying to be serious. "He meant a lot. To all of us. And we're going to win this for him, and I'll beat the shit out of whoever is behind it to begin with."

"He always used to say that giving him compliments made him want to work harder." Chanyeol said, wiping his eyes roughly to try not to cry. "And he really did work hard for all of us. We never would have made it this far without him." They went around in a circle, not one person skipping out. It did more for them than it ever would have for Suho- for some of them, their last living words to the man were regarding how obnoxious he was, and now he was gone. No one ever expects that kind of regret to weigh so heavy, but it really, really did.

"Sehun, do you want to say anything?" He looked down at the spot of overturned dirt in the ground. It wasn't what Suho deserved. They were just kids, that's it, and he already had a murder under his belt. This was his fault. There were tons of uncut, safe, ropes, and instead he dropped one of his best friends to his painful, gruesome, awful death. Suho had always liked to complain about injuries, no matter how minimal. He'd get a paper cut and act like he'd been shot. For someone like that to...

"I'm sorry." Was all he could say, tears rolling in droves across his skin as the underside of his nose grew damp, seconds away from ugly crying.

"It wasn't your fault." She said, putting a hand on his back and trying to calm him down.

"Wasn't it, though?"