Can't Let Go - An SVU fic

Chapter 4

After three weeks, things still hadn't shifted in Amanda's favor; Nick had become despondent over the news of his impending fatherhood that wasn't, trying even harder to avoid her while at the same time struggling with what he should do.

He would love and take responsibility for this child; there was no doubt in his mind about that but Amanda...she was another story. He cared about her, of course, but she was now expecting that they would make a life together and he didn't know if that would be the right thing to do under present circumstances; he hadn't even begun to figure out how he would explain this - any of it to Zara and once Maria found out... she was already determined to take Zara away from him and this would be the perfect catalyst to make him look like a cheating, irresponsible jerk in front of the judge.

At work things were tense between the two, away from work it was constant phone calls, unannounced visits and guilt trips that made the situation even more unbearable for Nick and leaving Amanda restless. If she had any hopes of getting closer to Nick it needed to happen now and there was no time to waste.

"So I've been thinking" she said in a hushed tone after having caught Nick by the elevators as he was on his way to interview a victim "Maybe this weekend we could do something...together"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, like maybe...dinner?"

"Yeah, we could do that. We should probably sit down and talk anyway"

"Okay" she smiled as the elevator doors opened. "Maybe we could even make it a family thing; us, your mom and Zara...tell them about the baby..."

"Wait, what?" he said as he put his hand in between the closing doors to stop them "Rollins, I'm not ready...for that yet"

"Well when will you be ready? When I'm showing and can't hide it anymore?"

"Will you keep your voice down?"

"Why? Nick this is happening whether you accept it or not so why don't you just accept it?" Amanda seethed, getting louder and more upset by the second

"I am..." he stopped when a fellow officer walked by, turning his head around to make sure the man had moved on before he began speaking again. "I am accepting it, I just need time; this isn't something I can just spring on my daughter, especially when she's already dealing with so much with me and her mother"

"Newsflash Nick, Zara is not your only concern anymore, you have to think about OUR child now too!"

"Really Amanda, here? You wanna have a shouting match in our workplace?"

"I don't give a damn where we are. I will not continue to let you ignore me!"people were now starting to pay attention, coming from the squad room to see what the disturbance in the hall was about.

"I'm not trying to ignore you; can we talk about this later, I have a victim to get to!" Nick's anger, on top of his embarrassment was threatening to get the best of him

"Anything to avoid me huh?"

"You know what, to hell with this, I'm out!" he said and turned to the staircase exit just in time to hear...

"Rollins, Amaro...NOW!" Olivia yelled from the squad room entrance, giving both detectives a death glare before walking away. Nick and Amanda stood speechless and gave each other accusing looks before following Olivia to her office.

...

"You two wanna tell me what the hell is going on?" Olivia asked, making no effort to hide her anger.

"Not really" Amanda grumbled

"Excuse me?"

"I said, not really" The blonde spoke up, noticeably louder this time. Nick turned and gave her a look from where he sat

"Tread carefully Rollins" Olivia warned

"You're my boss but that doesn't give you the right to know every detail of my personal life!" Amanda yelled angrily as she stood up from her seat. Olivia, having had it with Amanda's antics quickly got in the young detective's face.

"Guess what sweetheart? It does when you bring it into my squad room!"

"Liv; sarge, we're sorry, it won't happen again" Nick quickly apologized

"You're damn right it won't because I am telling you both, whatever the hell's been going on between you two, ends now! I've got enough on my plate without 1PP being on my ass over this!"

"You're right and I'm sorry" Nick apologized again "The last thing I want is to cause trouble for you"

"For her? are you kidding me?"

"Rollins..."Nick called

"No! You don't want to cause trouble for her but what about the trouble you've caused me?"

"This is not the place!" Nick warned

"To hell with this; 24 hours! I'm giving you 24 hours to man the fuck up or I go to the brass myself and I don't give a shit about getting either of your asses in hot water!" she screamed and stormed out of Olivia's office, slamming the door and continuing out of the squad room just as angrily, all eyes on her.

"What was that?" Olivia wondered aloud, looking at Nick who stood dragging his hand down his face

"That was my life spinning out of control. Liv, we need to talk." He confessed to his superior and again took a seat.

...

A few hours later, Amanda slowly opened her eyes, startled to find a strange woman who she didn't recognize, staring down at her.

"You're awake" The woman exclaimed

"Who are you and where am I?" Amanda asked groggily as she made an attempt to sit up but the pain in her head forced her back down.

"I'm Vicky, your nurse, you're in the hospital."

"Hospital?"

"You crashed your car into a pole, you've been unconscious for the last three hours. Do you know what day it is?" the nurse asked

"Um...Tuesday I, I think" Amanda replied. Her head felt like it was splitting open.

"That's right" the nurse smiled "What about your name?"

Amanda groaned before answering as she held her head "A-manda...Rollins. Could I please have something for my head?"

"Of course. We'll get you something that's safe for the baby"

"What are you talking about?" she asked, unsure if she'd heard correctly

"You were unconscious when they brought you in so we drew blood to check for alcohol and ran some tests to determine treatment. Your blood test came back positive for pregnancy; hormone levels suggest you're about three weeks along. Congratulations, I'll send the doctor right in." she smiled and left the room.

"Well I'll be damned!" Amanda grinned to herself in spite of the pain she was in "There's a little pea in the pod after all...even if it is Nate's...but that'll be my little secret!"

Her luck was finally changing.