harleys wet halloween suprise

The Chair

Harley is a fucking loser.

Every single time Harley walks her butt cheeks flop up and down. She was born with horizontal buttcheeks. And those horizontal slabs cursed her with being a stupid fucking VIRGIN. So she finds ✨pleasure✨ in being a voyeur. But she also hates taints so it doesn't always work out, and Carl didn't like that. 

Carl was created by Daddy Cthulhu so he could procreate and make tentacle children. The raw sexual, masculine, and divine energy that sprouted from Carl's 10 foot clitoris made every person with a uterus within the Tri-State area, and Wisconsin, have their pancreas explode from the sheer fact that they cannot mate with Carl, the God of Sex and so called "sweet transvestites" that run an ALL TRANS-MASCULINE BURLESQUE CALLED VIVA LAS GAYGAS. 

Carl had a pact with Daddy Cthulhu that he would never tell a soul that he was, in fact, a hairless goddess. To cover up the fact that he is completely shredded and hairless he wears a slight fat suit to give off the appearance of a dad bod, and glues on his own pubic hair to his neck everyday to have a neckbeard, and wears an afro every other Tuesday. He has inserted himself into Harley's friend group but after finding out that Harley is a loser voyeur stinky virgin, he had to speak the truth to her. 

Not the full truth, but some of the truth. 

Actually, he lied. He told her that she was cool so that she would trust him enough to let him teach her about how stupid it is to be a fucking voyeur. Carl said that he could fix her butt cheek problem so that she could stop being a dumb virgin-voyeur loser pissbaby. She reluctantly agreed. So on December 31st 2018, Cthulhu twisted Carl's body into a chair so Harley could sit on him and fix her voyeur ass.

About 30 minutes past since she sat on Carl. 

Carl didn't like that; not at all. 

But what was done was done. Harley's ass soon became the finest in all of the land but Cthulhu didn't tell Carl nor Harley that this perfect ass was a curse. The curse of... "Unexpected Voyeurism". Over the course of a year Harley walked in on every single irrelevant celebrity to ever step foot on this planet having sex. One day she walked in on the rat from Ratatouille, Jaden Smith and Gabbie Hanna trying to remake "three orangutans, one blender" and that's when she decided she's had enough. She calls up her cousin Rachel

"This is for Rachel you big fat white nasty smelling fat bitch, Imma need you to gather the whole hahadummythicc squad and we finna roll up on this so called musically star and teach that stupid hoe a lesson about my ASS."

Rachel hates driving because she's paranoid about black men in the night, but she agrees because she heard there was going to be orange juice involved and because Carl is allergic to citrus. Rachel, a Hamberger, a tiny urn named Markie, and Harley all get in Rachel's disgusting CRV and drive to the middle of nowhere. They pull up in a little Rock driveway and find themselves between a dog house and a log cabin. They all get out of the car to look around to see where they can find Carl. All the sudden a dart comes flying from the trees and hits the Hamberger in the buns, it passes out almost immediately and squirts mayonnaise everywhere. A man jumps down from the trees wearing nothing but a tank top and he's carrying a pig. There's mud and cum all over his face.

"Wait.. HARLEY?!.. How did you find me here?" He says.

"Snap map, you should really make that private you know, if you're in hiding." Harley says.

Carl disappeared throughout all of 2019 for he had been taken to the woods to fulfill the needs of his wife Victoria Justice. While in his woodland retreat, he befriended a pig and three cats named Heap ass, Muffin man, and Burnt Meatball.

"My life is ruined, Carl. Because of you. You know I wasn't happy as a virgin or a voyeur for it is a very unfulfilling lifestyle but I would have been better off that way, even if it did mean I had fucked up butt cheeks. A nice ass don't mean nothing around these parts." Harley says.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Ever since the very first day of 2019 I have walked in on every single irrelevant celebrity having sex or doing some kinky shit" she states.

Something about that sentence infuriated Carl deep down, for he knew Daddy Cthulhu had wronged him and his old friend. He wishes he could tell her the truth about what he really is but he knew that that would break his pact with Daddy.

He then says:

"This may seem like it's my fault but trust me. Do you really think I would go out of my way to discombobulate my body into a fucking chair for your loser ass to stop you from being a voyeur JUST so I can force you to experience voyeurism every single day? Because no, I honestly couldn't give less of a fuck what your sexual preferences are I was just bored. BUT I think I know who is behind this."

"Who?" She asks.

"That's the thing, I can't tell you, not yet anyway, but I know how we can fix this. Follow me."