Like the first time I saw you

Chapter 24

Jo's pov:
All I do is feeling guilty recently. I blame myself for being in this bad situation, and from when I open the apartment door, to Jack's "How was your day?" I massage my temples in search of a bit of peace.
"Not eventful" I say softly to answer his question.
"You know, I've been seeing you a little sulky lately. Is everything all right? You wanna talk? Did something go wrong?"
If he continues to ask questions like these I won't hold up for long. I don't want to talk about what I should talk about right now, I asked Hero to give me time and he did. It sounds bad, but I don't feel like he's wrong. But at the moment the fear of taking a misstep weighs more than time.. I've always considered myself a sincere person, what happened?
Noticing that I'm not talking he adds smiling "I even ordered a pizza, you know... to cheer you up".
"Stop!" I shout out. But then I immediately regret it, because I know Jack doesn't deserve this reaction from me. Shit, it's getting worse and worse.
"What did I say?" Jack says kindly. After all, he doesn't have that bewildered expression that I thought would appear on his face, he's as calm as ever.
"Nothing, it's just...never mind."-I say whispering the last part of the sentence- "Where are you going?" I add when I see him place his shirt collar perfectly ironed and take the keys to get out.
"I have to meet a colleague for work, I'll tell you everything later.".

I'm silent. It's only not the first time he goes out for work at night, so I'm not worried. My subconscious reminds me that I wouldn't be worried even if it was the 100th times. What should I worry about? About him cheating on me? I'm doing this already, and it doesn't make me feel good, at all. If the next days will give me the courage to tell everything, perhaps I'll be happy again. Besides, I talk to myself rather than anyone else, it's not a problem to spend the evening in loneliness.

"I won't be late. Bye". He gives me a soft kiss on my cheeck, so I give him a sleaky smile.
I can hear the door shut, and I whisper "Bye", knowing that he can't hear me. I go straight to the bathroom to rinse my face, but I don't want to take Hero's scent out of my body. I look at my reflection in the mirror, tocuh my neck with my fingers and close my eyes to re-establish the memory of him and his kisses. I repeat to my self that this is what I've been fighting for in months. 
When I turn off the bathroom light, the house falls in the dark, but when I'm about to get in the kitchen my phone's screen lights up and I get an unexpected call.
"Katherine?" I softly say.
"Hi Jo, I have some free time at the moment, more or less, so I thought I'd call you. How are you doing?" she asks.
I missed her voice. We're almost out of touch because of the thousands of commitmens, but she always occupies a place in my thoughts. I know she's achieving more and more goals and I'm happy for her career and the life she always desired.
"I am not okay. Too many thoughts wander in my mind, I can't make desicions, or better, I don't want to... I'm afraid." I murmur, even if I'm alone in the apartment.
"Isn't everything okay with that guy...Jack?". I knew she would've said his name. I think she liked him at first, because I was kinda happy. Now it's different, it's all changed since I met him again.
"Do you remember Hero?" I say after a long sigh.
"You met him again?". I can feel her curiosity and concern through her voice.

I suddendly decide to tell her everything about the days I spent with him. Maybe she'll know how to help me, she'll tell me how to help me retracing my steps. I don't know what else to hope for.