The Greatest Milestone

Chapter 8

I lay my head on Britney's lap, crying softly while she stroked my hair. I'd skipped my last class, and Britney—being the amazing friend that she is—skipped with me. I was far too heartbroken to stay in school after that, so she drove me back to her house.

"Does it always hurt this much?" I asked her.

"Yeah," Britney said. "It always sucks. Hurts even more the longer you're with someone."

Oh joy. That made me never want to date a boy again. Maybe my sister Emily had the right idea with dating girls. Then again, I'd seen her get her heart broken too.

I should have known that a few days on cloud nine would come with a cost. I should have known my fairy tale had to end. There was no way around it. Honestly, what did I expect? That I could just keep wearing diapers around Nathan and he would never notice?

If Amber hadn't told him, he would have found out some other way. I'd barely made it through the first date without giving everything away. I may not know much about relationships, but I know they're usually more intimate than a game of mini-golf.

"Maybe it's not as hopeless as you think," Britney offered.

I frowned. "You do remember what Amber said, right?"

"I know, but consider the fact that you leaked in front of him. Not only was he cool with it, he offered to buy you another pack of pull-ups himself. Do you know how romantic that is?"

"You and I are watching very different movies," I mumbled.

"It's not movie romance. It's real romance! You know how awkward it must be for a boy to waltz into a store and buy girl's pull-ups? The cashier probably thought he was a crossdresser."

I smiled despite my tears. "Still, it was only pull-ups. Those aren't what I really wear."

"I'm just sayin', if he was cool with that, then maybe diapers don't bother him either."

"That would make him the only high school boy on the planet who feels that way."

Nearby, a phone started vibrating. It might have been mine.

Britney leaned over and picked it up. "Nathan," she read.

I buried my head my head deeper into her lap. There was no way I could answer it now, not like this. Besides, I already knew he was calling to cancel on me. 

The phone vibrated a few times before going silent.

"Voicemail," Britney said.

Slowly, I forced myself to sit up and wipe my eyes dry. I accepted the phone, but it was blurry. I wiped my eyes a second time, then Britney handed me my glasses which I'd thrown off earlier.

"Let's get this over with," I said as I played the voicemail. "Just like taking off a band-aid."

I put the phone on speaker, and we both leaned in to listen."

"Hey Claire," he said, "It's Nathan. Sorry, I know we had plans tonight, but something came up, and I have to cancel. I'm—"

I ended the voicemail and cast the phone aside. Hearing his voice hurt a lot more than I thought, and another rush of hot tears filled my eyes."

"I'm sorry babe," Britney as she pulled me close again.

"Stupid diapers, I muttered. "Stupid bladder that can't control itself..."

My fantasy had always been to meet someone who didn't know I wore diapers—someone like Nathan who lived outside the zeitgeist. But of course, being the idiot that I am, I'd never considered the long-term. I'd pretended to be something that I wasn't, and now I felt worse than ever.

Nathan didn't call or text again for the rest of the night. And why would he? He was probably out with Monica Williams right now.

I did, however, see him the next day in Language Arts class. He smiled and waved when I walked into the room. I averted my eyes, pretending I hadn't seen him, then I took a seat in the back of the room, as far away as possible.

Why was he still waving at me as if nothing was wrong? He was obviously one of the popular kids now. And after the things Amber had told him yesterday, he was probably disgusted by me. 

I'd only had two "bad" accidents in the past six months, and I'd done the responsible thing both times and cleaned myself up within five minutes. But that wasn't how the popular kids saw me. In their eyes, I walked around messing myself everyday, and I didn't even realize it.

Stop thinking about him, Claire. It won't do any good.

But I couldn't stop. Why was he waving at me still?  He probably wanted to be "just friends" or something. My sister's ex-girlfriends had done that, and it drove her crazy. It was like they wanted to break up without upsetting the status quo. She'd gone along with it when she was younger, naively hoping to rekindle the lost spark. 

More often than not, it was a waste of time. Her exes moved on, found someone knew to date, then expected her to be supportive.

And that was the best case scenario. Worst case, this was some elaborate joke concocted by Amber and her friends. Claire thinks a boy actually likes her, diapers and all. Isn't that hilarious? Let's all place bets on how long it takes her to figure out the truth. 

I shook the images from my head and tried to focus on my teacher for the rest of class. Blessedly, there was no group work today, or any other form of mandatory socializing.

When the bell finally rang I took my time packing up, hoping Nathan would go onto Alegbra class without me. 

No such luck. He turned around and strode across the room, still grinning as if nothing was wrong. "Hey Claire, did you get my voicemail last night?"

I continued shoving books into my bag. "Yep."

He nodded. "I'm really sorry about cancelling."

"It's fine," I snapped.  What did he think? That I spent the whole night in tears, thinking of him? I mean... never mind.

 "It didn't work out anyway," Nathan continued.

I narrowed my eyes and finally glanced up at him. "'Didn't work out'?" 

"Yeah, she said I was nice, but we weren't the best fit. She was also looking for someone with more experience, which I don't have."

He was talking about Monica Williams. Anger flared in my chest as soon as I realized it. So, not only had he cancelled on me to go out with her, he was actually admitting it to my face. But of course he was. I was just a stepping stone until he met someone better.

Nice try. Diapers or not, I still had more self respect than that. I could be funny and cute sometimes. Even if I was no Monica Williams or Amber Postma, I still deserved better than this.

"Maybe we could reschedule?" Nathan asked.

"Sorry," I said as I put away my last book. "But you had your chance."

And with that, I stood from my chair and left, not caring if he heard me crinkling in the empty classroom.