The Greatest Milestone

Chapter 9

Nathan didn't talk to me again after that day in Language Arts class. In fact, he barely even glanced in my direction anymore.

That was fine with me. In fact, I was glad to find out what a jerk he was. This made it easier to get over him. If my diapers were the only reason he'd dumped me, I would have spent months secretly hating myself, wondering if I could have done something differently.

Never mind the fact that I was currently sprawled out on my bed, scrolling through a blog post titled, "Bladder Control Hacks for Teen Girls."

"None of those hacks will actually work," Emily said from over my shoulder. "That site is just trying to sell you supplements."

She was sitting at her desk on the other side of our bedroom. Unlike me, she was actually studying. That was probably the reason she knew so much about everything.

I frowned as I closed the web page. "Figured it was too good to be true." Even Dr. Kapil had said  kegel exercises were the only real way to strengthen your bladder muscles. 

Just as well, It was almost eight o'clock and I still had homework left to do. I pivoted on the bed toward where I'd left my math textbook and began flipping through the pages. I was just about to start when someone knocked on our bedroom door.

"Come in," Emily said.

Her girlfriend popped her head into the room. Rin was Japanese with a slender build and short black hair that barely reached her chin. But something else caught my attention as she stepped inside. She was wearing black yoga pants, and a plastic purple waistband stuck out from the top.

I blinked several times, certain I was imagining things. That was definitely a diaper though. In fact, I even recognized the floral pattern; it was the same brand my friend Britney wore to bed. 

But why? Rin was in her early twenties, and I knew for a fact she didn't wear diapers. Not even at night. Several seconds passed until I realized I was staring. She and Emily chatted for a few minutes. My sister handed her a shirt she'd apparently left here, then she stood up and gave her a goodbye kiss.

"Ew," I said, "get a room you two."

Rin's eyes widened and she glanced around in mock-horror. "Gee, I could have sworn we already found one."

"Feel free to cover your eyes," Emily told me.

As usual, they chatted for another five minutes, then they had to start their goodbye routine back from the beginning.

Once Rin was gone, I had to ask, "Was your girlfriend... um, wearing a diaper?"

"Oh," Emily said. "Yeah, she has kind of an overactive bladder. Like if she's studying and drinking a lot of coffee, she might have to get up and go ten times at a single night. She wears them so she can focus better. And so she doesn't risk someone stealing her laptop at Starbucks. A lot of college students do the same, especially during exam time."

My jaw dropped."Seriously?"

"Yeah, I've told you that before. College students are way more laid back than high schoolers. They wear them to parties a lot too. Even adult bladders suck when there's alcohol involved. I've also seen some people wear them to class on their lazy days."

"You never told me this!" 

Emily laughed. "Mom and I tell you this literally every time you're being dramatic about your late toilet training. The 'popular kids' don't speak for the whole world. If they pick on you, it's just to make themselves feel better. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with wearing a diaper sometimes."

"Have you ever worn one?" I asked. "I mean, since you've been in college."

"No, but I'd wear one if I needed it."

I glanced back at the door where Rin had been standing. "And she wears those to Starbucks? In public? What if someone made fun of her?"

Emily laughed again. "As unfair as it is, the real world isn't like high school. No one cares what anyone else is wearing. Or why."

It still matters, I thought. Regardless of what the popular kids said, no one wanted to date a girl in a diaper.

I was about to point this out, then I realized how silly that would be. Emily was, in fact, dating Rin. And she apparently still found her attractive, diapers and all.

My sister plopped down in her desk chair and rolled closer to the bed. "School's still been tough this year?"

I nodded, unsure of how much I wanted to share. As strange as it sounds, I was way closer with Britney than I was with my actual sister. Emily was ridiculously smart, and good at everything. Sometimes, it was hard to talk to her without feeling like a failure. 

"What would you do?" I asked her. "If you were in my position, and still needed diapers in high school?"

"Hard to say," she admitted. "I was already in pull-ups by the time I was a freshman. I never had to deal with the same stuff as you. But, in a perfect world, I'd be just as confident then as I am now."

I believed her. If Emily were in my place, she would have let the whole world see her diaper, just like Rin was doing right now. 

"I remember when I was a freshman," she continued, "the head cheerleader still needed diapers, but that didn't stop her from wearing revealing clothes. She made it seem like a personal choice rather than an embarrassing secret."

That was what real confidence looked like, and I'd been doing the exact opposite until now. Not only had I been hiding my diapers beneath layers of clothing, I'd actually lied to a boy I liked. 

"Did people still want to date her?" I asked.

"Of course," Emily said. "I totally had a crush on her, and so did most of the boys in school. And you'll find the right person too. I know I probably sound like a broken record right now, but diapers aren't as big of a deal as everyone pretends."

I nodded. Even if Nathan wasn't the one for me, I should have been honest with him from the beginning. I should have told him I needed to get changed that day in the hallway. If that had been a deal breaker for him, wouldn't I want to know as soon as possible? 

If Emily was right, then I might still be wearing diapers until college. They were apart of my life until then. 

As for my future husband, he might need to accept that about me. Just like Emily accepted Rin.

It was warm the next morning, and I didn't feel like wearing leggings, or three layers of tops tucked into my skirt. Instead, I threw on a simple long-sleeve shirt that left a top of my diaper band exposed. It wasn't showing much, mind you. My mother would never let me own a crop top, much less go to school in one. Still, my diaper was just visible enough that everyone could see it peaking out the top of my plaid skirt. It 

I spent a long time staring at myself in the mirror, debating on whether I should change back into one of my usual outfits. Or rather, if I should put on more clothes on top of this. A long sweater or jacket would hide the waistband when I bent over, and a pair of compression shorts under my skirt would muffle the crinkling. 

No, I told myself. You have to do this, Claire. If you want to be confident, you have to work with what you have. Fake it 'til you make it.

And with that, I headed down the stairs, passing the point of no return.