Take Me To Church » Kit Walker

† Hurt pt. 2

14.

"Oh my God..." I said, tears streaming my cheeks. I can't believe I just saw that, I didn't want to believe that's what I saw, but I did. I couldn't deny it. I saw Kit and Grace. Together. It definitely hit me hard right in the chest and made my heart sink. I was beginning to wonder what Kit really felt towards me. It plucked on my heartstrings so vigorously that it provoked tears. Tears stained my cheeks as I began my way, hurrying down the corridors.

"Wait, Hope!" I didn't make it far when a voice called out to me. Kit. Just the sound of his name right now made me want to scream. He caught my wrist into his hand, and I began to thrash in his hold, more tears sprouting from my eyes. I didn't want him here, I didn't want to talk, touch, or even look at him right now. "Hope, calm down! What has gotten into you?!"

"Get away from me, you asshole!" I said. "Am I not good enough for you anymore, huh? Is that the problem? Did everything we've been through mean absolutely nothing to you? Because that's what it feels like. Do you think it's fine to just toy with my heart, and mess with other people in front of me? Was all you wanted... Was to use me? As if I'm your puppet?" I said and pressed my hands against his chest, causing him to stagger backward. Kit regained his balance quickly and gritted his teeth as if he were frustrated with me.

"You're the one at fault here too, Hope! Jesus Christ! Stop pinning all this and taking out all your anger on me! Stop making me feel more like shit than I already am!" Kit shouted back and rage overcame me. He did not just say that to me. He didn't understand.

"How am I at fault here? You just screwed Grace. Not to mention she's one of my good friends too! How do you not expect me to be this angry?" I responded and wiped my tears that wouldn't stop running down my cheeks. Why was I crying? Why was I crying and feeling sorry for myself?

"I have a reason to be angry too, Hope! Because you kissed him, Hope! You. Kissed. Him," Kit said in a quiet but a harsh voice. "Now, excuse me." He inhaled deeply and walked past me. My eyes widened when I realized he was talking about James and me earlier.

"No, wait-- Kit." I grabbed his arm to stop him from walking any further from me. "You don't understand. It wasn't me. It was James." I gritted my teeth when he paid no attention to me. "Kit, I'm not going to let you just walk away from me like this!" I said to him and he shrugged my hand off him. Kit turned around on his heel, and I sucked in a breath.

"Just-- just listen to me!" I said nearly shouting, and blocked his way. Kit looked at me with dull eyes and a blank stare, then walked past me, bumping my shoulder as he made his way down to the common room. I stood there and rolled in my lips, letting a few more tears fall. I wrapped my around myself and wept silently in that dark corridor until a guard found me and forced me into the common room.

I screamed and struggled in his firm grip, telling him that I didn't want to go, knowing Kit was already there. It made no use. He ended up dragging me in and tossing me to the ground. I didn't stop crying though. I whimpered and glanced upwards to see James running to me.

Kit's POV

I hated to do that to Hope, but she has to understand what she did... Was horrible. I can't believe what I did as well. Grace and I were only friends. What was I thinking? I must have been so jealous of James and Hope that I just snapped and kissed her. Well, it turned into more than that. I don't recall remembering anything that even happened.

I still haven't forgotten about Hope and that dirty trick James was playing, but I bet she hasn't forgotten about Grace and me. I would apologize to her, but seeing that she just ran into James' arms and cried into him, she probably doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I watched them for a split moment and just when James' lips landed on her skin, I looked away, and down at the board game that I was playing by myself.

I still felt so guilty about it all, but if I tried talking to Hope with James was with her, all hell would break loose... It's not like it hasn't already. I sighed and occasionally would glance over at Hope who sat with James on the couch on the opposite side of the room. He held her close, rubbed her back, stroked her hair, and comforted her. But, I wanted to be the one who gave her that. But, I guess not anymore. I regretted ever doing that to her. Why am I like this? What's wrong with me?  I feel like I'm going crazy.

\\

I kept my eyes down and blinked back a few tears when Hope and James left the common room, together, hand in hand. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong between Hope and I did when he arrived. I hated this, I really did. I hated James for stealing away hope from me, but I hated myself more for doing that to her in return. Grace and I didn't speak to each other, she felt just as guilty as I did. Lana took a seat across from me and tried to get my attention.

"Kit?" She said in a soft voice. "Can we talk, please?"

"What do you want? Are you here to scold me about Hope? Then if you are, you mind as well just leave," I said and moved a chess piece to another spot on the board. Lana just sighed, but she stayed sitting there. So, this wasn't about Hope? but I knew that how, since I brought it up, that's what our conversation would end up being about.

"Look, I'm sorry about Hope and everything else... But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't talk to her about it."

"I can't talk to her, she probably hates my guts now," I said in reply, and Lana sucked in a deep breath.

"Then take some time."

"I don't know if that'll work either, Lana. Just like you said, James has won her over in a heartbeat."