The Secret (DreamNotFound)

9

TW's:
-None this chapter

'Do you think about boys more than girls?'

'I never actually think about girls really. Well, only when something bad happened. Some girl kept swearing at me in the past, I thought about that a lot.'

'What do you like about boys?'

'Everything,' I immediately said whilst blushing like crazy.

'And what do you feel when you think about them?'

'A very weird feeling in my stomach, but it feels nice.'

Georges mum smiled like she knew something I didn't.

'And Clay? Do you also sometimes fantasise about them?'

I blushed even brighter and nodded. 'I have thought about kissing someone.'

'Have you also thought that about girls?'

'No. Is that weird?'

'It isn't.'

'I don't know what I feel when I think about boys.'

'Can you explain it?'

'It's weird, it seems like there's something in my stomach and it feels good.'

'Are you talking about a certain boy, Clay?'

I smiled. 'Yes.'

'Aww, what's his name?'

I looked down at George sleeping. 'George.'

'Do you like George?'

I nodded. 'Yes.'

'What do you feel when he is laying like this on your lap?'

'That weird feeling and I feel warm from the inside.'

'Do you think he is attractive?'

I shrugged and felt my cheeks heating up even more. 'Eh- a little. We are just friends, I only like him as a friend.'

'Clay, I don't think you do.'

'What do you mean?'

'Are you in love with George?'

'No! No, I'm not gay. I just like him a little.'

'It's sometimes difficult to realise, Clay. And it takes a long time to really accept it for yourself.'

'I don't think I'm gay.'

'But Clay, if you are, it's fine. It's totally okay.'

'Is it?'

'Are you scared to think about it, Clay?'

'Eh- yes.'

'What are you scared of?'

'I feel so different and weird. I just don't think I'm gay, but maybe I just don't want to.'

'How often do you think about boys?'

'Everyday.'

'And what do you think about?'

'Sometimes about kissing them, but I mostly just like their body more than girls, you know? But that's not gay right?'

His mum smiled. 'What do you like more about their body?'

'I don't know, it's just h- eh- hot. Yesterday when I saw George without shirt, I just felt so weird but good.'

'You might be in love, Clay.'

'But I can't be gay. Am I?'

'You have to figure that out yourself, Clay. The only thing I can say- you are way more attracted to boys.'

'I am, but I just feel like I'm not gay.'

'I think you're scared to admit. You're not alone in this.'

'How do you know?'

'Because George shows the same signs.'

'George is gay?'

'I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised.'

'Do you think he likes me too?'

His mum smiled and shrugged. 'He has never been so relaxed around someone.'

I blushed and smiled. 'What do you think if your son would be gay?'

'I'm totally fine with that.'

'And if I would be gay?'

'I'm totally fine with that too.'

'And if we would be together?'

'Do you want to be together with him?'

I nodded softly and bit my lip. 'Yes.'

'Do you want him to be your boyfriend?'

I nodded and looked ashamed to the ground.

'What would you like about him being your boyfriend?'

'Eh- so I eh- can hug and maybe eh- kiss him.'

'Clay, don't be ashamed. Being gay isn't weird.'

'Am I gay?' I felt like panicking. I couldn't be gay. It just couldn't be true. I didn't want to be gay, I wasn't gay. I just liked George.

'You might be, sweetie. It's totally fine.'

'Am I really?'

'The feeling you feel are butterflies. You get those when you are in love.'

'I'm not in love. I just like him.'

'As more than friends?'

'I don't know.'

'You have time to figure it out. Figure out what you want and what you feel.'

'Do you dislike it when I say I think about kissing your son?'

'No, as long as you both want it, I'm fine with it.'

'Are you not disgusted that I think about it?'

'Absolutely not.'

'Thank you.'

'No problem, Clay. You can always talk with me.'

'Thanks.'

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