Don't Let Me Go

23

Jonathan leaned on his car staring into the calm waves of the ocean.

He needed to clear his head and this was the only place peaceful enough to do it.

He'd driven there straight after school feeling like his mind was clouded.

Football practice was rough and his muscles ached but he couldn't go home just yet.

He hadn't stopped to think in a while and his therapist kept reminding him to do so. She kept telling him that he was going to hurt himself if he kept pushing himself. In fact, she ordered him to log every time he took some time to slow down.

He only realized the value of sitting down and taking a breather today. He had laid on the football field with his heart pumping so hard it felt like it would leap out his chest.

They had just finished Suicides and he felt like he was going to throw up and pass out/ But Coach was pushing them as hard as he could since Football season was coming to a close.

He had stared up at the clouds as they rolled by as he waited for his heart rate to slow down. Soon, he found himself wishing he could lay there forever.

So, after practice, he showered, grabbed his stuff, and drove straight to the beach.

He hadn't seen Iris at all this week and he wanted to call her but he also didn't want to be a pushover.

Sure, they were friends now but he knew how fragile she was just by talking to her. It was like she was picking up the pieces and he knew better than to interrupt her process.

He was the type of person who would want her to share what was going on with her but he also knew that she had to take her time to process things.

Even if it took months, she would do it in her own time.

She was also someone who was on his mind a lot. Probably more than she should be but he couldn't help it.

After everything that happened in the last few months, he should've been repulsed by her but he wasn't. After the accident, he'd learned that he couldn't hold onto things. He'd desperately been trying to hold on to Iris but he knew that he had to let go.

He missed talking to her every day and everything that they shared but he realized that nothing lasted forever. What they had was great but now he had to learn to let go.

He thought about her all the time but as time passed, he realized that he would be okay. Watching her move on James pissed him off but he couldn't spend all his time being mad. It wouldn't do anything about the situation so he had to get over it.

Get over her.

And at first, he did but then everything with Olivia and he felt like he was back at square one. He felt terrible about everything that had happened. In his heart, he wanted to save her but he couldn't. She had to walk that road alone, no matter how much he wanted to hold her hand through it.

Now, sitting at the beach he realized that he'd spent the past few months coasting. Trying to forget about the accident and everything he'd lost but he knew he was doing himself a disservice.

Remembering was the only way he wouldn't make the same mistakes again. It was the only way he'd never forget the pain he felt. A broken heart wasn't easy to mend.

He had learned the hard way, that he had to love but in turn, he had to know how to be loved.

He and Iris and hadn't worked out and that said nothing about the future. But at the moment? His only choice was to do what Iris was doing.

Pick up the pieces and replace the ones he'd lost with better ones.

Jonathan's phone rang interrupting his thoughts.