Save Me [editing]

Chapter 1

 
[trigger warning: please do not read this story if you have gone through any form of abuse and/or have self harmed unless you feel as though you can carry on]

___

A scream of agony had escaped when feeling his knuckles hit my stomach. I held my cheek after being slapped by the devil's queen. The sting traveled through the heat of my face and all I could do was stare in pure shame (foolish of me to believe they wouldn't do it again). Without saying a word they leave and don't spare a glance my way. What was left were the sounds of my whimpering, and my desire to leave. I let my tears fall, not caring if I'm heard. After all, the worse that they could do is kill me, but that's one thing I know they wouldn't dare do.

I head up to my room, taking a mere moment to glance into the kitchen to see my persons bickering over the simplest of things as I passed by. What more could they argue over? The fact that my existence should have been non-existence?

Once I latched the lock of my door, I'm quick to grab the blade off of my night stand. My grip tightening around the sharp edge (it sinks softly into the palm of my hands). The scars are still there, however, all were skimmed over with scales of dried up blood, with the exception of new ones that grew over. They were dug deep into my skin as a remembrance of how unimportant I am to everyone in this world. Am I ashamed for doing such a sinful thing? Why should I be?

I suck in my bottom lip as I gently pressed the sharp line of object into my arm, and watched the blood trickle along my veins. I'm relieved from the pain they give me. My escape from them. They can't hurt me if I cause the pain. No, they're the icing on the cake. The pain doesn't bother me anymore.

At least that's I've been telling myself. I like to believe it helps, even if really doesn't.

Minutes later I managed to clean the warm liquid off my paper thin skin. I used a ratty old cloth that laid beneath dust covered books. In the corner, I sit with my knees to my chest. There is nobody here to guide me through. No one here to softy whisper how everything will be okay. I don't have a soul who will love me. Nothing at all.

It seemed like hours had passed as I sat there in the emptiness of my room. The one thing I could do was think. Think about everything I have done, and what I can do to fix the mistakes. To fix up my guardians, their problems, my problems, and overall, myself.

My creation is the reason I'm in the position that I am. Is there a possible of removing myself?

[#245]

I put up with it all. Living the same routine over and over everyday. I don't understand. Anywhere but here can be a place that frees me from hell. No one asks. Lets keep it that way. I don't want them to. Danger will follow and I don't need another person aching due to my actions. I crave for a soul to take mine and help. I want those three words, "I love you." Actions to prove the sincerity. I need the reassurance of both. Why do I even bother writing in this. What good does it do? It seems like the more I write, the worse I am.

I'm sorry that I can't help myself.

                                                                                               Sincerely,
Conflicted Girl

I just lay there in the dark thinking until I hear a noise. it grows louder and louder. Its playing my favorite song, "When I'm Gone " by Anna Kendrick. I look down at my phone and see that my best friend Skylar was calling.

"What?"

"Instagram now and look at Anna's recent picture. "

"Why?"

"Just do it and call me back later ok?"

And with that she hung up.

I shook my head in confusion. A typical update for the woman I admire and support. I look at her recent picture...It's just her wearing some blue jeans and a nice plaid shirt. I then look at her caption. I try so hard not to scream. It says and I quote "Can't wait to see my little weirdos in Houston,  Texas! "

____

I'm going to be revising this story when I can and I hope you guys comment about the updated version once I am done. Thank you for supporting me. I love you all.