Outsider

going home-4

The next few weeks aren't any better. The only ones that speak to me other than concerning cases are Elle and Garcia, and sometimes Morgan and JJ, who have slowly warmed up to me. Hotch acts like I don't exist, Gideon acts like nobody else at all exists, and Spencer seems to hate me with a passion. Every day I think about asking the genius why he dislikes me so much, and every day I decide against it. I didn't come here to start trouble, and I won't change that now.

I know barely anything about the team, and they know very very little about me. It's probably better that way.

"Morning." I say, sitting down in my chair at the round table. Elle smiles at me and JJ spares me a nod. The rest seem to ignore me like usual, but it stings less than it did at the beginning. It's just a regular Monday morning, another case coming our way.

"Alright, JJ." Hotch says and JJ clicks to a picture of a girl in a ballgown lying on a floor.

"Syracuse Grove, Georgia." I sit up straight and Gideon glances at me.

"Vanderbilt?"

Uh, sorry. That's-that's my hometown. I grew up there."

"You were a southern belle?" Morgan says teasingly.

"Yeah, I don't- we probably shouldn't talk about that." I say and I feel Elle's eyes on me as Morgan laughs.

"This should be good." He shoots me a wink and I feel elated. Even being teased by Morgan is better than so much of how the team treats me. I smile slightly as JJ continues.

"Interesting. Might help to have your perspective." She says and I nod. "Two girls found a week apart, lethal doses of strychnine in their blood."

"Jesus." Elle whispers. "Strychnine, really?" The drug was a paralytic that shut down the respiratory system. It was a painful and terrifying way to go.

"No other damage to them besides bruises and marks on their hands and ankles, suggesting they were restrained. Both girls were 17, both were found dressed in ball gowns, hair done and makeup fully on. First victim was found in a gazebo in the center of the town, second victim found on a river dock." I think about the gazebo, a centerpiece of Syracuse Grove. I'd definitely been drunk in it before.

"JJ?" I pipe up. "What are their names?" I dread it, knowing they could be the children of my high school classmates or friends.

"First victim is Aria Foltier." My heart skips a beat. "Second is Hailey Montgomery."

Aria Foltier was the daughter of the first crush I ever had, Doug Foltier. A baby shower invitation for her had been sent to me in college, but I hadn't been able to go. I'd seen pictures sent by my mom when she was little. Doug didn't deserve a dead child.

The Montgomerys had been a prominent community family, but I didn't know of a daughter named Hailey. Although I hadn't really kept up with the town, losing a Montgomery from any branch of the family was sure to be hell.

"Sawyer, you okay?" Elle's voice interrupts my thoughts and I nod.

"Yeah, sorry. When are we leaving?"

"Wheels up in 30. We'll finish briefing on the plane." We break and Hotch stops me.

"Vanderbilt?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Will there be an issue with this case?" He asks and I swear he looks concerned for a second.

"No, sir." I say after a moment. "No."

"Good."

30 minutes later we're on the jet as JJ continues the briefing.

"No sexual assault, no notes, no DNA, no fingerprints found. Absolutely nothing to go on." She finishes, sighing.

"Not true." Reid chides. "The dressing up in ball gowns shows remorse, especially with the attention to detail in the hair and makeup. They're positioned nicely, no harsh treatment or torture."

"True. If you don't count being unable to move as your lungs fail torture." I can't help but snap. Reid looks up at me, glaring.

"Okay." JJ says softly, ever the peacemaker. I tear my eyes away from Reid and look back at the pictures. I flip through and look at the dresses. The first is a blue dress, pale and light. The second is a light orange dress of the same design. Both with white bows around their waists. Then it hits me.

"The dresses aren't a sign of remorse." I blurt out.

"What makes you say that?" Gideon asks.

"Every year there's a spring ball, before the big debutante ball in June. It-All the girls set to debut go, it's a huge thing."

"The dresses?" Hotch says, encouraging me along.

"Sorry, yeah. Seven girls are chosen each year, they're called the April Council. The ball's in April. The community leaders choose them, they're made a special dress. It's stupid, really. But there's seven dresses, seven colors. Blue, orange, red, green, white, yellow, purple, there's some order to it, I don't remember what it is. But, what I'm saying-oh god- the dresses aren't an apology." I pause, looking at the team's eyes on me.

"They're a to-do list."

"God." Hotch breathes.

"That means...there's five more." Morgan says. I nod slowly, shaking. Cases don't normally affect me like this, but the personal aspect is getting to me. Elle's hand lands on my knee and I push out of my seat, striding to the little kitchenette in the back of the plane. Once I'm out of sight, I brace my hands against the counter, sucking in a deep breath.

"Sawyer." Elle's voice comes from behind me and I just try to take another breath. I was the girl in red on my April Council. My best friend Sarah was the girl in blue. We were all friends, all classmates, and knowing that the girls being killed were just like that is overwhelming. But, a panic attack isn't what needs to happen, especially not after going months managing to avoid one.

"Hey." Elle's hand lands on my back and I stand up, turning to face her. I open my mouth and then close it, not knowing what to say. She seems to understand and I feel my lungs open a little bit as she pulls me into a hug. She's a little taller than me and it's comforting, being held by her.

My mind is distracted enough that I don't even think about the fact that she's touching me, holding me. I just wrap my arms around her, shaking as I try to bring myself back from the edge.

HA see what i did with the girl in red...gotta make sure y'all know she's not straight:) if you're reading this, i love u!! -sasha