Outsider

i'm not who i used to be-5

I spend the rest of the short flight acting like I don't see Elle glancing at me. We'd had an awkward moment after the hug, where we'd both tried to talk at the same time and then just walked away from each other. I was going to apologize for panicking, but hadn't gotten the chance.

"God, it's hot." JJ says as we get off the plane at the Thomasville Airport, about an hour away from Syracuse Grove. Nausea rolls over me at the mixture of heat and anxiety from being home. We get in the cars waiting and I lean my head against the window, ignoring the way Elle's thigh is pressed against mine. The drive to my hometown is quiet and hot, the area getting more and more rural as we get closer.

Syracuse Grove was a bit of an oasis, a town of 8,000 people in the middle of rural Georgia. Familiar buildings start popping up as we near town. I perk up slightly as we pass an old barn that we used to have parties in during high school. It was one of our best kept secrets, one that not a single adult knew about. I wonder if the kids still drink in it now.

"Alright." Hotch says as we pull up to the police station. Luckily, we hadn't passed the town center yet, as I really wasn't prepared. I'd loved this town when I was here, but as soon as I was in college, I realized that I never wanted to come back. And yet, here I am.

The team heads into the precinct, where we're greeted by the sheriff. To my surprise, it's a friend of mine from high school, David Turner.

"Holy shit, Sawyer Vanderbilt?" He blurts as soon as he catches sight of me.

"Dave." I say, smiling and he strides forward, wrapping his arms around me. I hug him back and he laughs loudly.

"Y'know, your mom said you were working for the feds. I almost didn't believe it. Figure you'd be out in Hollywood or something."

"Hollywood?" Morgan asks and I shake my head.

"Nothing." I say.

"What do you mean, nothing?" Dave asks, crossing his arms. "This girl could sing like...I don't even know. My grandma used to swear she sold her soul to the devil."

"Dave." I say warningly. "We're here for a case. Not about me."

"Right, sorry. Right this way." He discusses the case with Gideon and Reid, as the rest of us go over photos and interviews.

"You sing, huh?" Elle asks after about an hour, during a lull.

"No. I don't." I say, refusing to look at her. Shame has been overwhelming me since breaking down in front of her, and the constant glances from her haven't helped.

"Really? Dave sounded pretty sure." Her tone is teasing, and my response is completely uncalled for.

"I said no. Drop it." I snap and stand, swiping a folder off the table. I feel eyes on me as I leave, and I already regret reacting like that. The team keeps their distance from me until Hotch announces that we should settle in.

This is the part I'd been dreading. In a very kind offer, my mother had offered to host us. I'd fully intended to refuse, but Gideon had leapt at the opportunity, meaning the entire team in my childhood home for the duration of the case. Reluctantly, I direct Hotch to my neighborhood, keying in the gate code at the end of the driveway. Morgan whistles as we pull up the house.

"Y'all rich or something?" He asks.

"Y'all? The south is really rubbing off on you." Elle teases as we climb out. Susan, my mother is immediately out on the porch, smiling and waving.

"Oh, Sawyer!" She says, hugging me. I hug her back and she hugs all the other members of the team, even Hotch, who looks like he might implode from the warmth. Susan leads us inside, instructing the maid, who I don't recognize, to take the bags.