Can Yaman International Presents: "If Only..." (Inspired by Erkenci Kus)

Chapter 5:

At the end of Chapter 4:  Emre quoted back to him a conversation that took place before Can left. He and Sanem agreed to take this time apart to work on themselves and start to rebuild their lives. However, reminding Can of this only irritated him more. Emre concluded by saying, "Anyway, I don't even know where she is." Can was insistent that Emre find out where Sanem was. He said he would call him back when after reaching his next destination. It had been three weeks since he left and Emre was still serving up one excuse after another. 

(Author's Note: Please read to the end of the chapter and give us your comments and your vote too. Thank you!)

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Sanem arrived in Chania, Greece on the Island of Crete three days before the seminar was to begin. She hoped to familiarize herself with the town and the cottage where she would be staying. The goodbye with Leyla at the airport had been difficult. Her plan of not returning to Istanbul at the end of the seminar was a well-guarded secret. In fact, she hadn't told anyone she would not return, not even Leyla. When she got settled in, she would let Leyla know her plans.

The town was mesmerizing. Full of color and life. Her cottage was very quaint and small but it was all she needed. After unpacking, she went out on the back deck that faced the sea. What a sight! She wondered where Can was and what he was doing. After she gave herself a stern talking to, she decided it wasn't going to do her any good to sit and dwell on him. She was there for a new beginning, and she was going to have it if it killed her!

She made a quick phone call to Leyla to let her know she arrived safely. Leyla told her that Can had been binge-calling Emre, adamantly insisting he tell him how to get hold of Sanem. She wouldn't answer his calls or return texts. Can's famous words of, "Is she just trying to drive me crazy or what?", opened and closed every conversation with Emre.

Sanem knew this was going to be a reality check for him because he had never experienced rejection from any woman. Not that he sought after other women's affections, but it was just a fact that he had a certain demeanor that attracted them. She often wondered if that was part of his draw towards her. Or was it because she kept running from him? He had even mentioned a time or two how she was like the wind, and he couldn't hold her in his hands.

She begged her sister to stay strong and keep putting Can off, hoping he would grow tired and give up. She would call again in a few days.

Only a minimal amount of supplies had been furnished with the cottage. Her first trip to town would need to happen very soon. She changed her clothes and got into comfortable leggings, an oversized t-shirt with a belt, and flat walking shoes. She pulled her hair up in a high ponytail and put on sunglasses. She slung her extra-large tote bag over her shoulder and said to herself, "Do I look like a local or a tourist?" It might take a while, but she intended to fit in and be considered "a local".

The shops and open bazaars were abundant and full of arts and crafts. She purchased two wind chimes to hang on the back deck. She loved to hear them. They reminded her of the chimes at the mountain hut and the lazy evening she and Can spent there together just listening to the wind. Finally, to the market. She purchased just some simple things to cook since she had not mastered the fine art of cooking yet but it was on her bucket list. That brought the thought of Polen to mind. Although all those recipes were permanently photocopied in her mind, she would never make any of them.

It was late in the afternoon when she got back to the cottage. She decided on a quick snack of toast and chia. First things first... hang the wind chimes before starting on dinner. Even though it was late May and still warm, a chilly breeze was coming from the sea. She walked along the shore to gather some wood and make a fire. The fire pit furnished with the cottage was sitting in the back garden. The fire was warm and peaceful and there was just enough of a breeze to be able to hear the wind chimes.

"I've got this. I can do this. I have to do this. NO, NO, NO! Don't do it Sanem. Don't you cry," she said to herself as the lump in her throat grew bigger and tears brimmed her eyes. Her mind was screaming, "You have cried enough tears over him!"

She longed to forgive herself for all the lies and mistakes she had made. If the stars all aligned rightly and granted her the peace she so wanted and deserved, then maybe she could return to her home one day. And maybe, just maybe, she could be happy again.

With a free day before the seminar would begin, she got up excited to get started. She straightened up the cottage from the clothes thrown all around, ate a light breakfast, then set out for a walk along the coast. The houses were quaint and traditional with many different colors and designs. It was all very similar to her home and made her feel sad to think of how many miles away she was.

The beach soon ended in a jetty of rocks along the shore. Instantly, she was transported back to the dreaded rocks at home that had been the scene of numerous fights between her and Can. Stopping short of the rocks and making sure not to sit down, for that would surely jinx them, she let some of those memories flood back. She thought it was good to remember some of those times in order to understand and file them away in her mind's "what not to do in the future" file.

The sound of a voice brought her back to her senses. "Well, I can hear them but I can't see them," she uttered. She spotted someone sitting on the balcony of the house above the rocks. The conversation seemed to be slightly heated so she decided to move on down the beach, feeling slightly embarrassed. The man on the deck noticed her and had lowered his voice. He quickly hung up the phone, leaned over the railing, waved and said apologetically, "Sorry ma'am. I didn't mean to startle you." She gave a quick wave in response and made her way back to her cottage.

Sunshine filled her bedroom the next morning, so bright that she had to squint to tell the time. "Oh damn, this is not a good way to start the first day of the workshop." That glass of wine had really done the trick for her to get a sound night's sleep and the sound of the waves hadn't hurt either. As she rushed to get ready and sprinted out the door, the phone got her attention. "Ahh Can, my god, how I wish I could answer. Decline the call and don't think; don't react; don't feel". As always, it was followed with his text that was always the same: "PLEASE! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?"

The week that followed was like heaven on earth to her. She listened intently to every word that was spoken, feeling and absorbing it all. She experienced many different authors and many different styles of writing. It was all so intriguing and she wanted to learn more and more. 

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This is a work of Fan Fiction inspired by the characters of "Erkenci Kus". All photos, videos and characters belong to their rightful owners.

Written for Can Yaman International by Virginia Dewberry; @grannydew on Wattpad.

Edited by Mary Bloyd, ResidentEditor for Can Yaman International