How to Annoy Harry Potter Characters

How to Annoy Lord Voldemort ~ Part 2

57. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment.'

58. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.

59. Ask him to dance a polka with you.

60. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.

61. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'

62. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.

63. Tell him you know this great therapist in London....

64. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.

65. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.

66. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.

67. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.

68. Steal, snap and bury his wand.

69. Tell him Lucius did it.

70. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.

71. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.

72. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.

73. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.'

74. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'

75. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.

76. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'

77. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'

78. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.

79. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

80. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'

81. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.

82. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric acquaintance.

83. Cuddle him at random moments.

84. Sign him up for Little-League.

85. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.

86. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.

87. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie.'

88. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.

89. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.

90. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.

91. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.

92. Write sonnets for him.

93. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.

94. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.

95. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie.'

96. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.'

97. Mock his baldness.

98. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')

99. Get him drunk.

100. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'

101. Let him catch you trying on Death Eater robes.

102. Be Harry Potter. Be alive.

103. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'

104. Call him 'Champ' or 'Tiger.' Refer to yourself as 'Coach.'

105. Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.

106. When he gives you an order, stare at him blankly and drool.

107. Kill Harry.

108. On the next Valentine's Day, decorate his lair.

109. Paint his fingernails hot pink while he's sleeping, then place a permanent sticking charm on them so he can't remove the color.

110. Trade his black robes in for pink pajamas.

111. Insist that it's opposite day and paint a lightning bolt on his forehead.