suffocation | dreamnotfound

april 22nd

dream didn't sleep at all the first night he stayed at his parents, which left him exhausted on such an important day; the day he would tell them what was wrong with him.

he couldn't stop thinking of the cries of his mom years ago and they way he would have to endure them once again. he didn't know how he would deal with the way his father's shoulders sagged and the sobs that came from deep in his chest on the rare occasions that he did cry. he didn't want to look at drista's heartbroken face again.

he had realized that his broken heart had led to the heartbreak of his entire family. hanahaki disease wasn't hard to deal with because of the petals or the aches, it was the emotions.

still, dream had no other choice but to tell his parents he was sick.

still, dream refused even just the thought of surgery.

he sat at their dining table, eating slowly to avoid hurting his already sore throat. his eyes flitted constantly between his mom and dad, and then would meet drista's. she gave him nods and small smiles, trying to be reassuring.

eventually, he worked up the courage to get the words out after having been chewing on them for hours.

he decided to start with the good thing. atleast then, for a moment atleast, maybe they could be happy.

"i have a small announcement." dream said, averting his eyes from everyone at the round table.

"i'm...i'm bi."

it was silent for a few moments, those seconds of processing needed.

"hi bi, i'm dad."

dream couldn't help but start crying. there was no way his dad just turned his coming out into a dad joke and yet, he knew he wouldn't want it any other way. his mom hugged him, asking if that was why he was acting so weird.

"stress is an illness in itself!" she chirped. dream wished it was only stress.

"well," he began slowly, his brain blanking. his heart rate was escalating rapidly and he knew this was going to end in tragedy. "i really am sick. i have hanahaki disease."

the two looked at him with confusion as drista stood slightly behind them.

"hanahaki. it's fatal. i don't know any other way to put it. there's not really a cure for me. i throw up flower petals; honestly. flower petals and blood. the disease kills you by suffocation. there's no way i can get better."

"this was diagnosed by a doctor? a doctor told you there's nothing to save you?"

"yes, i was diagnosed by a doctor." dream lied through his teeth. there was no point in him going to the doctors and he feared they'd force the surgery upon him. he was certain in his diagnosis. "and there's something that can cure me, technically. love. genuinely."

he started crying uncontrollably, then began to cough. if his parents needed proof of the disease, the rosy colored carnation petals were enough.

he explained how hanahaki worked; the unrequited love, the blossom of flowers in the chest, the suffocation.

it was so hard to watch his mom's face fall before she buried it into his dad's arm. his dad was in shock. his eyes were glazed over, looking at dream while not seeing him. maybe he saw dream as a corpse already. once again, drista was crying.

the house could have flooded with the amount of tears they shed.

~~

dream never uttered a word about a surgery, and drista kept her promise, staying silent.

the house stayed quiet for the rest of the night and the dinner went cold. when questions came up, they were spoken in whispers.

"but you'll live if anyone loves you romantically?" his mom asked once.

"no, only one person's love can help me get better. the person i love must love me back."

his mom looked at him with pity before she walked into the living room, yet her cries were still heard in the kitchen. there was a chill in the air of the home.

~~

dream didn't know if he could spend another 5 days at his parents with the atmosphere the night's conversation had left, but he didn't want to cheat them out of any time they could spend with him. he decided he'd stay; maybe their presence would be welcomed anyways.

he thought about the fact that he still had approximately two months left to live and he should make the best of it. if he let the illness restrict him to bed rest and self pity, he should just give in to the illness and die within the hour.

dream promised he'd spend as much time making his family happy as possible. he'd call his friends more, tell them he loved them more, donate more to them. while the hanahaki would make it hard since he would have to stop, mute, and cough on occasion, maybe he would make it a goal to stream his speedruns atleast one more time.

in reality, it was harder than that but dream truly did make a resolution to live before he died. he still had some control of his life, even if it was very little.

atleast he now had his family to fall back on. if he ever needed help or a friend, he knew his family was only one call away. it soothed him knowing how caring they were, how they would put down everything for him.

he knew that if either of his parents could, they would take their life just to save his. that's they type of people they were, and dream loved them for it.

that night, dream thought about george, churning ideas in his head about how he could say goodbye to the boy. he thought about if he should admit his feelings and then leave his life, as that would be decently plausible; he could end the friendship by claiming to avoid the awkwardness, but that still left the entire issue of the fact that the blond was leaving the internet entirely, and that didn't just happen over a friendship.

would george find out that dream died years after the fact? would he mourn? would he think about dream ever again?

dream decided not to tell the brit anything about loving him; it just made things unnecessarily difficult and added stress to already skyrocketing levels.

eventually, he became so tired with the days events that he was able to fall asleep with nothing but his thoughts keeping him company. he never fought them anymore.