suffocation | dreamnotfound

may 21st

"you told him what?" sapnap exclaimed, laughter threatening to burst out.

"i told him i loved him! it just slipped out! don't laugh at me, none of this is funny! oh my god i have such a headache." dream rubbed his temples, feeling stupid. he remembered everything that happened last night, down to the expression on george's face to the shudder that he saw run through the boy at his words of endearment. still, he struggled to decide if george's reactions were good or if they came from a place of pure discomfort.

"it's not like you don't tell him that approximately every week, what's new?"

"i'm going to actually hang up on you."

"hey, hey, someone has to be honest. but dream, think about it this way; he showed how much he wants you around and said how he cares for you, maybe that means something?" sapnap tried to be serious, putting the shits and giggles to the side for a moment.

"it's all just as friends though, if i told him how i really feel? it would all be over."

"i know you're wrong. he would never leave you dream, listen to the way he talks about you! it would kill him to lose you. i swear that man is just confused about his feelings."

"are you sure?" dream didn't believe sapnap, thinking that he was sugarcoating to make dream feel better.

sapnap rolled his eyes. "i am not in george's head but sometimes i think we know him better than he knows himself most of the time. and you are just out here being blind, so i have to know everything, and watching his behavior, he is probably questioning the fuck out of himself. i don't think you're doomed dream. not at all."

"but does he have the time to figure it all out?"

"isn't that where the issue lies? time is finite, as are we."

~~

dream got off the phone with sapnap just to dial george, all at the advice of the texan. sapnap had suggested dream play dumb about what was said last night if he was that concerned and dream decided he would play that bit up.

"hey, dream." george greeted, putting the phone up to his ear.

"george! i have such a headache right now it is not even funny."

"well," george laughed, "you were pretty drunk last night. you were saying a bunch of things that clued me into that."

"really? like what?"

"well, i mean, it was nothing really, just slurring of your words and topics we don't really talk about much."

george wasn't technically lying; they weren't ones to verbally express their affection like that, their care for each other being shown in subtle ways, but it was deeper than that. still, dream knew that george had successfully escaped the question and would be forced to move on, that conversation done. therefore, it came as a surprise when george brought back part of the discussion from the night prior.

"i asked you this last night but i just want to make sure...you weren't mad or anything, right? this past week?"

"i am never mad at you." dream promised, making george smile.

"okay," george's next exhale let out all the worries, bringing a smile to dream's face. only then did the two move to a new topic, sharing new music and old jokes.

dream knew that acting as if he didn't remember anything had been useless and he had asked about nothing sapnap told him to, but dream didn't feel concerned about that. he enjoyed this time together, just sitting and talking while he still could. he wanted things to be genuine between them, and this felt so natural. this was how dream had fallen in love. if he ignored the way his chest always hurt and the petals itched the back of the throat, it almost felt like this could have happened years ago.

time had always passed so quickly that sometimes, it was hard to believe things were so long ago. how had it been almost a month and a half since he realized he was sick? how did his crush on george develop over a year ago? when did it become love? dream's life had sped by him but still, dream felt like he was playing a waiting game; would george fall in love with him, or would the disease take him first?