Blood and Battle | Criminal Minds (gxg)

Chapter 76

"What have you done?" My voice hardly rises above a whisper, but she hears me in the quiet night. Elle doesn't respond, her eyes full of pain.

I holster my weapon and turn to Lee's body. I check his pulse. He's long dead.

"We need to call Hotch," I say louder. I fight to keep my voice steady.

"Carli–" she whispers.

"We need to call Hotch," I say again. "Now."

I stand, keeping my eyes on Lee's body. I can't look at her. I pull my phone from my pocket. I flip it open but stop when I hear her crying behind me.

Steeling my nerves, I dial Hotch's number. He picks up right away.

"Carli? Where the hell are you?"

"Lee's apartment. He's dead." The numbness of my voice frightens me. "I'll explain when you get here."

Hotch is shocked into silence. "What happened?" he manages to get out.

"I'll explain when you get here," I say again. I hang up without waiting for an answer.

"Carli," Elle whispers again. She stands right behind me now. The silence is filled by cars on the street and the sound of her quiet tears.

She reaches forward with one hand, brushing my elbow. I jerk away but quickly regain my composure. She tries again and I let her touch me.

I fall for her as soon as she does.

I turn towards her and she collapses into my open arms. She cries into my shoulder as I tighten my hold around her. One hand grips the back of her head.

I try to ignore the pit in my stomach, the tension building behind my eyes. I feel nauseous. Angry, terrified, relieved that she's okay. But she's not okay. I don't know if she ever will be.

She doesn't leave my arms until the team arrives. Even then, I hesitantly pull away.

Hotch runs over to us as Morgan checks Lee for a pulse. He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

"What happened?" Hotch sounds scared.

Neither of us answer. I can't drag my eyes from hers. I'm not sure what emotions are in control at this point. I'm not sure anything is in control.

"Carli." Hotch grabs my elbow roughly. "What happened?" he asks again.

I finally drag my gaze away. Once I do, it's like I've broken a spell. The world goes on. "Elle shot him in self-defense."

"Self-defense?"

I don't respond, staring into his dark eyes. He glances at Elle but she's looking at me.

"Get back to the precinct. Both of you. Don't say a word to anyone," he orders.

I nod and swallow the lump in my throat. I head to the SUV parked on the side of the road, Elle on my heels.

We climb in. I keep my eyes forward but I don't start the car. Now that I've pulled away from her, I don't know if I can go back. Slowly, I slide a hand into hers. She holds onto my index finger.

"I'm sorry," is all she says.

My voice sounds hollow as I speak. I don't recognize it.

"We all are."

────

I stare up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the sounds of Elle crying upstairs. Every sob shatters another piece of my heart. I can't carry the sharp edges. They slip through my fingers. I dropped a few on the way home last night.

I close my eyes and they stay dry while hers weep rivers. It's three in the morning. I've been lying on the couch for only an hour. It might as well be an eternity.

I can't take it anymore. I can't take any of it. The hardly speaking, the staggering distance. She's cried enough for the both of us.

I leave the couch and climb the stairs. Stopping at the top, I see her body buried beneath the blankets. Her back is to me as she tries to hide her tears. She's lying on my side of the bed.

I walk to her side. She doesn't respond as I crawl in beside her. I take a shaky breath.

"Sun, moon, and stars," I whisper into her ear.

She sniffles, then quiets for a moment.

"I won't let you get trapped in a box, Elle."

She finally speaks. "I don't want to lock you in with me." Her voice breaks on every word.

I look at the back of her head. "Then give me the key."

She rolls over as my hands find her waist. I drag her body to mine. She clings to me, sobbing into my chest. Her tears slide across my skin.

Enough for both of us.