Each morning I ask myself the same question.
How did I end up here?
How did I screw up my life so badly that this is the result? What did I do wrong?
But I know all the answers. I'm not strong enough to admit that I did this. The reason everything is fucked up is because of me.
I let out a sigh as I finish taking report from the day shift nurse. Of course we are understaffed and overworked again. I look over my notes of my six patients I have today. It's going to be a long day. Being on a cardiac unit in the busiest hospital in Phoenix during flu season is not a pain I would wish on anyone.
Dreading the night already I make my way to my first patients room for rounds. Today marks exactly one year since I became a registered nurse. Don't get me wrong, I loved medicine. I loved science. Perhaps I am too jaded, I've been though too much and I have seen too much horrors in the world. But, I am burnt out. A dry shriveled up piece of ash.
I force a smile on my face as I knock lightly and push open the heavy hospital room door. "Hi, my name is Natalie and I'll be your nurse for today-"
I look up and my heart stops. Pressure fills my head, my heart starts to pound and my palms immediately start to sweat.
Sitting in the hard leather recliner next to the hospital bed sat a familiar pair of bright blue eyes and dark hair. Eyes that are wide and trained on me.
"Natalie." He breathes. My name sounds like golden honey dripping from his full lips.
I open my mouth, then shut it and took in a big gulp of air.
"Wes, hun, be a dear and quit drooling over all the nurses here." A heavily New York accent dripped sweetly.
I snap my head away from his and focus and the reason I am actually here in this room. In the hospital bed sat a small and frail little old lady. Her hair was done up expertly and she had bright red lipstick on. Despite being stuck in a hospital gown and covered in wires and IVs she was done up to the tees.
My favorite patients were always the little old ladies done up even while in the hospital. It says something strong about their character. Even in their worst times they don't give up. They don't stop caring about themselves. They don't stop fighting.
I force a smile on my face and head straight to the computer on the other side of the bed to start my assessment.
"Sorry 'bout my grandson. He's all pig for brains and the second something shiny and new comes around he can't keep his jaw shut." She lets out a gruff chuckle and gives Wes a smirk and a wink.
I force a laugh. It sounded odd. Too high pitched. Too forced. It was. Inside my heart was clawing it's way out of my chest. Memories I've never forgetting forced their way into my head and pounded at my skull. My mouth went dry.
"It's alright. We, uh know each other." I gritted out doing my best to sound chipper.
"Oh, Wes don't tell me she's one of the nice girls you humped and dumped." She swatted at his head and he dodged it.
"Nana-" he started with a tight smile and apologetic eyes.
I couldn't look at him. The pain they brought all those years ago came swirling back in.
"Really, it's okay." I interrupted. "Just from high school. No biggy." I shrug my shoulders and turn my attention to the computer typing in my credentials and pretending to be absorbed in charting.
Out of the corner of my eye, Wes scrubbed his face with his hand and gave his nana a pointed look.
"Oooh, I see." His nana wiggled her eyebrows. Lorna, according to the chart. I never got the chance to meet her in high school. Everything happened too fast, he left too soon. "Tell me, Natalie, you single? I don't see a ring. My grandson here needs to quit his man whore phase and settle down with a nice girl. You would be perfect! You know each other, the way he's looking at y-"
