Choices We Make

19.

They say when you're battling an invincible pain of losing someone close — grieving someone who is very much alive — it touches the deepest parts of your body. The lingering touch of the ghost, a memory struck by surprise making ground underneath shake.

The time stops within your eyesight but never stops moving. All you want to do is rewind — like an old movie on Friday night because you took too long making popcorns and missed the best part — it was all impossible.

The feeling of wanting to go back, change the past choices — do anything that could eliminate this feeling. Frustration. Having to stay awake when all you want to do is dream about perfect times.

It fucking sucks.

That's how Isabella's life went on for the past week. She was fighting invisibility. Something that is seen only to her heart. The pain is unbearable. Stronger than she would've ever thought. The first time they both broke each other was painful, but nothing like now.

There isn't much hope — the hope of coming back.

The truth was painful to see. Especially to some like Isabella.

How do you fight with it? Do you keep toying around the lies, the wonders where you went wrong or you just exist without living?

Isabella tried immersing herself into work — anything that could sway mind away from Olivia — but her mind clawed, sinking nails deeply into a memory box and tossing the happiest moments in the very front.

She would catch herself while attending a meeting imaging how it would feel seeing Olivia sit across the room, wearing one of those fitting suits, twirling a pen between fingers and then biting bottom lip when she catches Isabella's eye.

It was all one big sandbox Isabella is yet to figure out a way out.

But there was a small detail what helped Isabella a lot.

Cassie.

Isabella knows Cassie senses something was—is off with her. How couldn't she? Every time they meet to discuss another detail of the wedding, she stared at her with that look. Confusion basking in pithiness.

That probably placed a hold on their date — it felt like unsaid, heavy fragment that both tiptoed around. Isabella felt guilty. Hiding the truth from Cassie — it all made her feel guilty.

But what is the truth? That she's longing someone who is in love with her, but she's yet to realised her feelings? That she's angry, sad and heartbroken at the same to and for the starter, she doesn't have a freaking clue how to act.

Where all those feelings coming from.

But even with a sense that something was off, Cassie stood right by Isabella's side, conforming hand on the shoulder and a smile worth millions.

"Sabrina called yesterday," Cassie broke down news, resting an ankle on her knee. A worn-out black vans complete un-matching Isabella's luxurious office. "I told her about Kelsey's and my divorce finalisation."

Isabella lifted eyes briefly from the computer screen, stopping typing. "Did she yelled at you?"

"Not exactly. She's was angry... But I think it's more on herself than me. Kelsey is her friend too... she doesn't want to choose between the two of us."

"Chose?"

"Isabella met Kelsey way before me,-" Cassie paused, taking a sip of her iced coffee. "-I think they took few classes in college. She introduced us. I think with our divorce she's feeling like she's losing a friend."