Dirt

Say 'Ah'

    Trevor had insisted to pay for the food with yet another crumpled 20 from his pocket, making me wonder how many crumpled 20s were in fact inhabiting it. I had managed to eat the majority of my food with the exception of the eggs, just the sight of which made me want to vomit to my very core. The copious amounts of grease and meat that I consumed did wonders for my remaining hangover, but at this time in the morning the lack of sleep I had gotten was beginning to settle in.
    When he noticed me nodding off in the car Trevor snickered and pinched at the side of my neck, “Not enough sleep eh? I know exactly what you need, a little speed can do wonders.” From his pocket he withdrew five tiny white pills, little glowing spheres of happiness and heart palpitations which I had only tried once before at a party I had attended in high school, half a pill at that and for all I knew it could have been a piece of a sugar cube someone tried to pass off as drugs to appear cool.
    I shook my head to and fro instinctually though the energy was much needed and incredibly tempting. “Come on, two for you, three for me okay? Let Doctor Trevor take care of you,” he flashed me a toothy smile, “Say ah.” Without any hesitation I opened my mouth and shut my eyes, feeling like my childhood self taking communion and not exactly knowing why. Trevor placed the pills on my tongue delicately and I opened my eyes to see him shoving the remaining three into his mouth as if he were eating peanuts. I sat there with my tongue out for a moment like a fool before he turned in my direction and I forced myself to swallow them.
    “And let me check under your tongue… Good girl, you’ll be feeling all better before you know it.” Trevor assured me and patted me on the head as if I were an untrained puppy. I was still far too tired to care about some harmless teasing, and I tilted my head backwards onto the head-rest letting out a sigh; my stomach had been stuffed to the brim with food and my head felt light and heavy at the same time.
    After what seemed like a second my eyes fluttered open as the truck jerked to a halt in the dirt driveway of a run down trailer surrounded by overgrown yellowed grass and empty liquor bottles now inhabited by small colonies of bugs. Unravelled carpeted stairs led up to a door that looked as though it had nearly been torn off of its hinges one too many times. “Welcome to my humble abode, what is mine is yours as long as you don’t start breaking shit.”
    “I wasn’t aware that there was anything left unbroken.” I replied quickly, and chuckled to myself, finding everything and anything more and more amusing with every passing moment; I wondered if it was the speed I had taken or lack of sleep causing this pleasant reaction within my mind.
    Trevor gave me a glare of pure scrutiny, “Ha, ha, now get out of the car sugar-tits.” Trevor exited his truck and I slid off of my seat as I opened the door, jumping to the ground and creating a small dust cloud with the force of my feet. Just the sight of my once black shoes, now an unsightly shade of brown mixed with grey, made my muscles twitch with agitation. The feeling of being covered in filth suddenly became unbearably apparent to me.
    He must have noticed me in my state of silent bewilderment because he tapped my shoulder with more force than was necessary, “Hey, it gets better, you’ll get used to the jitters trust me.” For whatever reason even through my twinges of anxiety I clung to his word of trust, feeling hopeful that whatever faith I put in Trevor would help calm me.
    “Can I use your shower?” I asked, since what I needed more than anything was a cold shower and 5 gallons of soap to scrub every little speck of minuscule brown tar off of my body; it felt like a tight Halloween mask lacking in ventilation, I needed to get out of it.
    Trevor let a grin creep onto his face and bit as his thumb momentarily, “Kind of a funny story what happened to it but my shower’s been broke for as long as I can remember. I have a fully functional hose I’d be more than happy to spray you with though.” Whether this was innuendo or fact I cared very little, I felt as if ants were forming hills on my back and then crawling up my spine.
    I frowned at him, shivering slightly, “To be honest I don’t give a flying fuck, I want this shit off of me as soon as possible.” For a moment I perceived the same hint of empathy in his facial expression and wondered whether or not I had imagined it, because as soon as I took notice of it it was gone.
    He took hold of my arms and rubbed at them with hardened palms in an attempt to warm my nonsensical shivers, “Never fear my lady love, I will craft for you a shower fit for a queen.” And at this he squeezed me playfully, “A woman on speed is a woman in need.” Even in my state of agitation his quip made me laugh, albeit nervously, but laugh nevertheless.
    He took me into a garage makeshift of old scrap wood and rusted nails with crude carvings etched into every corner. The air smelled of moss and sawdust with just a touch of roadkill, what I would have imagined to have been Trevor’s signature perfume if he had created one. A rotting couch, some tools most likely only having been used to chop up body parts and some newspapers now rendered illegible by heat and moisture were the only things scattered around the dirt floor.
    On the north wall hung a hose, grossly green in colour with metal browned with age, soon to be my new luxury shower. Trevor unraveled it from its home and swung it over a nearby rafter, “Ta da! I’m a fucking modern day DaVinci,” he proceeded to twist at the rusted knob, muttering profanities and then finally resorting kicking at it with his boot until it began to give way. The mix of reds and browns that sputtered out of the hose were enough to make me close my eyes and wince, let alone the sound it made, similar to ketchup being squeezed out of a bottle.
    “Wow, I’m surprised that thing still works. The water will clear up soon, there’s probably a few dead rats that need to be flushed out.” He states with a laugh, discouraging any bravery I had mustered up thus far, which was very little might I add. “Let yourself in when you’re done, I’m gonna have a beer.” And with that he walked away leaving me shuddering to myself, fingers trembling from the effects of the drug, trying to rummage through my bag to find the soap I had packed.
    My heart pounded in my chest as I shifted clothes and toiletries around in search for my soap, I dropped to my knees and took deep breaths in an attempt to calm my body down but I knew it would be no use. The speed had already taken effect in my system and I would have to go along for the ride for a few hours at least. I couldn’t help but begin to cry, whatever rational part of my brain was still functional told me it was a reaction to the drugs but even rational thought could have no effect on me at this point in time.
    I felt like an idiot as my emotions overwhelmed me, not that I didn’t feel that way about myself when I wasn’t on speed but everything had now been amplified. The tightness of my chest and uncontrollable trembling that one usually experiences when overly upset were now present but accompanied by the tightness of the chest and trembling that can effect one on any drug considered to be an upper.
    By now the water had become a clear, and I allowed myself to sit underneath it as I sobbed like a child without its mother, still fully clothed and wishing I could simply sleep. As it usually does when weeping and feeling sorry for ones-self, time must have flown by because I heard a voice calling from outside of the garage asking, “What’s taking you so fucking long?” followed by knocks on the fragile wooden walls.
    Maybe I didn’t answer him because I needed someone to pity me, or maybe I was too consumed by self pity to speak, but I sat with my head resting on my knees waiting for him to find me with my entire body tingling. “Alright, alright what’s going on in here?” I listened to his heavy footsteps as he strode in and with each step I trembled harder.
    I heard him let out a long sigh and a tsk-tsk before I felt his presence sitting beside me, “Are you having a bit of a bad trip sugar?” he inquired, “Come on, tell Uncle Trevor what’s wrong.”
    I sniffled, not quite knowing what I wanted to say or what exactly I was upset about, it seemed to be a combination of everything that had gone wrong in my life thus far and my breaths became short and quick as I attempted to express myself but was unable to do so. “Shh, come here.” Trevor grabbed a hold of my shoulders and moved my body downwards until my head rested comfortably on his lap.
    “I think one pill would have been enough for you,” He let out a snicker as he ran his hand over my head and his fingers through my hair, “Deep, slow breaths now, that’s it.” It was a few minutes before I could control my crying and breathing but I couldn’t escape my shaking just yet, I assumed that would subside in a little while. Even though I still felt as though my life were spiralling out of control I felt oddly at easy in Trevor’s lap, and decided in my delirium that I would never leave it.
    “Okay Nora, let’s find your soap you fucking light weight.” Trevor laughed and lifted me upward into my previous sitting position. It was only as he explored my duffle bag that I noticed he too was now drenched in water, and I observed the contours of his shoulders and back as well as the dirt dripping from his skin. “Here’s your fucking soap, here’s your fucking shampoo.” He tosses the bottles out of my bag and onto the ground so that they rolled slowly towards me.
    Trevor slid in my direction and set the bottles upwards, “Now are you alright or to I need to wash you too?” he grinned at me, “God knows I wouldn’t mind.”
    Though my body and mind still felt as if they were lost in some distant part of the universe I managed to crack a smile. With twitching fingers and arms finding it difficult to control themselves I motioned for him to leave, feeling my body weaving slightly. “You know I wouldn’t have taken you home if I’d known you required constant supervision.” At this he took it upon himself to poor my pretentiously berry scented shampoo onto my head and then place my bottle of body wash onto my lap. “I’ll be back in 5 minutes to check on you so get your shit together.” At this he stood up and left and I took a moment to listen to the sound of his boots crunching gravel.
    I pulled myself together enough to scrub at myself a little and rinse my hair but nothing more than that, the room was blurry and seemed to tremble as much as my hands did as I pulled on a new t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. I abandoned my clothes from the night before on the ground alongside my bag, forgetting about them entirely as I left the garage that was much more akin to a shack long vacated somewhere in a forest than any garage I had ever seen.