All That Jazz

About Boyfriends and Shorts

It took a chill night in with his brother, a few beer and an aspirin for Jongho to text Yeosang. He had contemplated a lot, he didn't know what to say at all. He also felt bad to get back to Yeosang via text but he didnt think he could get anything out when he would be standing in front of the blonde boy.

It took 3 deleted messages for Yeosang to text him back with a what are you doing?

Jongho groaned. Did he actually knew what he was doing? It all felt wrong to talk to the older boy about text why exactly he ran away the day before. He couldn't actually come out to Yeosang via text, right? That would be unfair for both of them. Jongho sighed. He closed the messager app on his phone and opened the calling window, searching for Yeosang's contact and pressed 'call'. His heart stopped beating every time a soft beep made its way to his ear and he stopped breathing when he heard the small 'yes' from Yeosang.

Yeosang sounded hoarse, as if he just woke up, and he sounded sad, what made Jonghos heart break a little more. "Hey, hyung", he muttered, playing with one edge of his blanket. He was still lying on his bed, it was barely 9AM and he hadn't came home before two in the morning but he couldn't sleep anymore, "I didn't wake you up, right?"

All he got from the older was an affirming hum before both went silent. Jongho contemplated if he should just go for it. What if Yeosang actually didn't like him anymore and he would just make a fool out of himself? They had mutual friends at this point and they would continue seeing each other at gatherings. What if-

"Jongho? Why did you call me this early? And what were those deleted messages about? Jongho, you still there?"

The younger jumped, thrown out of his own thoughts. "Eh, yea, I'm still here! I-I wanted to talk to you", he took a deep breath, "Talk to you about...yesterday."

He heart Yeosang sigh on the other side of the phone. "Listen, Jongho, if you called me to tell me that you didn't like it or that you wanna stay friends, please, just don't, I really am not in the mood for sympathy right now. I know it was my fault but please, don't-"

"No, no! That's not why I called!", Jongho quickly cut Yeosang off, throwing his free hand into the air to emphasize his statement even though Yeosang couldn't even see him, "Eh, I mean, I do want to be friends with you! No, I- don't want to be friends with you-, I MEAN-" Jongho got interrupted by a chuckle and a sigh from Yeosang. "Get to the point, Jongho."

Jongho inhaled and exhaled slowly. Showtime.

"I'm gay, hyung."

Yeosang was silent. And Jongho panicked. He knew it, he knew it wasn't a good idea to do this via phone. Yeosang would hate him even more now that he knew he was gay but still rejected him. Or he wouldn't believe him. Should he just play it out as a joke? No, that was the worst thing he could do now. Thinking about it, Jongho felt strangely relieved to have this big piece of himself off of his chest. Coming out to Yeosang now had been easier than he had thought it would be. The silence from the older still edged him, though. Jongho decided to continue talking.

"I-I didn't come out to anyone except my brother, Wooyoung and Hongjoong...and now you. A-and I feel really relieved right now but could you please say something? Anything?" Still nothing from the blonde boy. Jongho wondered if he was still on the line when he heard a small puff of air. He was still with him.

"Jongho, I- were you scared of how I would react?" Jongho had been prepared for a lot but not for this question. "Eh, what do you mean, hyung?"

"Were you scared of how I would react when you come out to me? Is that why you run away yesterday?" Jongho crunched his eyebrows together, opening his mouth to say something but closing it again. He still didn't really know how to answer Yeosangs question. But Yeosang continued talking anyways. "Because if I seemed like I would react negatively, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...scare you away?"