All for the Sake of Pleasure

Chapter 25

Iruka let out a sigh as he rubbed aching temple. He had long ago given up trying to read the homework he was supposed to be correcting. His eyes were so dry, his vision was blurred to the point he could not make out a single character on the page. He could not remember the last time he had been able to focus on anything more than a few moments, much less retain any of the information his eyes glanced over.
He had tried his hardest. He had put all of his energies towards his classes and Saki, not allowing himself a free moment to think. He could not afford a single second for himself or else he knew he would fall apart. But he could no longer find the energy to ignore what had been trying to break free from his subconscious every waking moment. Drained, Iruka gave up on containing his emotions. He finally lost the battle he had been waging against his concern, fear, pain, and, in many ways, his sanity.
It had been a full two week. Fourteen whole days since he had felt Kakashi's warm arms around him. Fourteen excruciatingly long nights of sleeping alone in his bed, which now seemed too big and cold without Kakashi there beside him. It had been fourteen mornings of waking up and caring for Saki all by himself, taking the baby to classes with him for his students and fellow teachers to fawn over because he had no one he trusted enough to watch his son. He did not even want to consider the possibility of taking off work to watch the baby. It would have only given him more agonizing time alone with his thoughts.
Blinking a few times to relieve the dry burn of his eyes, Iruka threw the math homework down in disgust. He had grown all too dependent on Kakashi in those few weeks of being lovers and, before that, as friends. But hadn't Kakashi felt some of that same dependency as well? Hadn't his lover held onto him as though Iruka were his anchor? Hadn't Kakashi anxiously waited for him to get off of work every day? Hadn't he loved Iruka despite all of his weaknesses and imperfections?
And yet, it had been two weeks. Two entire weeks without a single word about the rescue mission. There were no whispers about the other members of the team, much less of Kakashi. In fact, it seemed like no one even noticed that a number of their village's most elite shinobi were not present. They did not miss Naruto at Ichiraku's or Sasuke at the library. No one wondered where Kakashi could be when they passed a large poster for the new Icha Icha movie or why Sakura was not working her normal shift at the hospital.
To everyone else, everything was normal. They went on living their daily lives as though nothing had changed. If only they knew Iruka's entire world was crumbling down around him, and he had no urge to dig himself from the rubble of his shattered heart. Without Saki, Iruka knew he would have already given up and let the terror consume him. But there was only so much the baby could do to raise Iruka's hopes. And, with the baby sleeping through the night for the first time in two weeks, Iruka was finally alone long enough that not even the memory of his son's smiles could keep his fears at bay.
And he finally let his worst fear filter into his conscious thoughts. Could there be a reason Kakashi had yet to return? Was there an explanation for why his lover was not in his arms right now, pressing a gentle kiss against his forehead or nuzzling Iruka's neck in that cute way of his? Why was Kakashi not there to coddle Saki or put their son to bed? The love Kakashi obviously had for Saki should have been more than enough reason to come back as swiftly as possible. The ball of lead in the pit of his stomach seemed to grow to painful proportions, forcing Iruka to double over with a gasp as he wondered if something horrible had happened.
Could his fears be founded and something went wrong with the mission for it to be taking this long? Who would be coming back injured? Would one passionate, fiercely loyal, impossibly stubborn, yet very much loved jounin not be coming back at all?
A cry bubbled up from Iruka's chest at that thought, shaking his entire frame. He began understanding what it meant to date a powerful shinobi. What it meant to have a lover who was, not just an ex-ANBU, but one of the most famous and feared shinobi in the world.
Somehow, he found the strength to uncurl himself from his current position, but he could not release his arms from around his middle. It was as though they were all that was left holding him together. Sitting back against the couch cushions, Iruka let out a breath of air that sounded more like a sob. It had never been like this before. He had had a few lovers over the years. He had watched them go on dangerous missions, but he had never worried. Not like this. Not to the point that he overworked himself to the point of passing out each night. It was sleep that did nothing to relieve his exhaustion, but it was blessedly dreamless. Iruka did not know if he could handle vivid dreams of what could be keeping his lover from returning to him.
He worried because he knew Kakashi. He knew that his lover took his promises and loyalties to a degree others would call obsessive or insane. Iruka knew that Kakashi would not return home without Naruto, no matter what condition the rescue team found him in. Iruka was not very worried about Naruto's condition, considering his demonic healing abilities. If, by some horrible twist of fate, the team was met with the worst outcome, Kakashi would not come back until every one of Naruto's killers was torn to shreds.
Iruka did not want to imagine Kakashi capable of such violence, but theirs was a world of death. Their chosen profession was one that bloodied everyone's hands, even Irukas's. He knew better than to think Kakashi revealed his gentle nature to others. Enemies would certainly be met with the fierce side of the jounin that Iruka had only heard of in rumors and stories. Even Kakashi's own friends could not possibly be familiar with the man Iruka had come to care for so deeply. The man who cradled Saki against his chest, cooing as the baby giggled and grabbed for his bare nose or chin. The lover who held Iruka so gingerly in his arms that the brunet did not know a single moment of unease or nightmarish dreams while he was in that secure, protective embrace.
How many people could have possibly seen the love shine in Kakashi's eyes or feel it resonate in his passionate touch? Iruka had been lucky to have that chance – and he would do anything, give anything to have Kakashi back in his arms. To feel his lover's warm breath against his cheek as Kakashi slept. To have those masterful hands weave between his fingers or trail along his skin. To hear Kakashi's deep breaths, rumbling voice and uninhibited laughter. To see Kakashi hold their son, not trying to hide his love and awe he felt every moment he was around Saki.
With nothing left to distract him, Iruka felt the terror stab painfully at him, forcing him to physically wince though he knew in the back of his mind that the agony throughout his entire body was only in his head.
How long was too long? Were two weeks more than enough time to retrieve Naruto? Would he have to wait even longer before someone knew something about the mission? He did not think he could survive another day of not knowing, much less another week or two of this hell.
And Iruka was terrified that he might find out a horrible truth when some news of the mission finally reached him. His lover was the eldest of the rescue team – the one who was at an age most other shinobi started to consider retiring from the field or, at the very least, taking on a genin team or a diplomatic position so that they were not in the dangerous missions where youth and endless energy were all but a requirement. Yet Kakashi took on things people a decade younger than him would reconsider, things that even Naruto would think twice about.
Iruka was frightened that his lover might be a moment too slow in dodging an attack. What if his energy flagged or his chakra was drained in the midst of battle? What happened when he led the entire team, taking on more enemies than he should because he saw himself as responsible for his younger comrades? What happened when Kakashi's emotions got the better of him and he attacked in anger and hatred, which was all but guaranteed considering his enemies were ones who had dared to harm Naruto?
Those what ifs tore at him, shredding his once steely control, as Iruka dropped his head back against the couch. It was then, for the first time in two weeks, that Iruka was alone and had nothing to distract him that his calm exterior crumbled, revealing the terrifying hell he had lived for the past fourteen days. Iruka felt the first scalding tears slide down his cheeks, but he made no attempt to brush them away, much less try to stop from crying.
Where were they? Iruka had not heard anything, not even a whisper. Kakashi, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and others – they were all gone and no one seemed to care. But no one spoke of ANBU missions because no one knew about them, so it was no wonder that it was being kept under wraps that there was a rescue mission sent after an ANBU member that had been left behind.
It was only then Iruka understood why so few ANBU members and other elite shinobi had families. It was that gnawing fear and desperation that was always in the back of his mind, refusing to be completely banished away by sane, logical thoughts. How could an elite shinobi's spouse or children take that same sense of not knowing? Not knowing if they had to get ready for a funeral or a celebration. Not knowing when to expect their missing loved one, or when to start wondering if something went horribly wrong. Were two weeks enough time or would it be months before Tsunade sent out another team?
Was he always going to have to deal with this uncertainty? Would he have to get used to this horrible, painful sense of worry that left him exhausted and sick to his stomach? Iruka had no idea how many of these kinds of missions Kakashi went on. Did he ever take his ANBU mask out of storage?
Iruka could not recall the last time Kakashi was not around since they started dating. He was always in the village. He was always free to watch Saki during the day while Iruka worked. He was there every night to help make dinner and put the baby to bed. And he was there throughout the night, whether he slowly made love to Iruka or was simply there to hold the brunet as they slept.
When did Kakashi go on missions? What kind of missions did he go on – ANBU, reconnaissance, or simpler, safer ones? Did he even go out on missions anymore? The past several weeks with Kakashi told him that the jounin rarely went on missions. But the rumors and legends surrounding his famous lover spoke otherwise.
And those same stories were ones that frightened Iruka all the more. They spoke of a fearless, stubborn shinobi who did not fail. 'Retreat' was not a word in the Copy Ninja's vocabulary, much less an even more debasing term like 'surrender.' He fought to win, to decimate his enemies so completely that the destruction he wrought sent ripples throughout the world. People spoke his name in whispered awe or fear. He was the boogeyman to all those who would harm Konoha or her allies. He was the one missing nin had nightmares about.
And he was the man Iruka had fallen irrevocably in love with.
Iruka had no idea when it happened. All he knew was that he could not imagine a life without Kakashi there, without his lover's perverse giggling or rumbling laughter. He could not think of waking up in Kakashi's warm embrace or falling asleep with Kakashi by his side. He could not picture a future where Saki did not smile in a particular way every time he saw Kakashi, as though he knew what the jounin had still adamantly refused.
The past two weeks had taught Iruka just how important Kakashi had become to him. The past fourteen days had shown him that, no matter how annoying Kakashi could be at times, Iruka could not ask for anything more. All he wanted was Kakashi home safe so that he could tell his lover that he loved him. He wanted to hear his lover's nagging tone when he tried to get Iruka to relax or go to bed early. He just wanted to have a chance to argue a moot point with the genius for no other reason than to butt heads with one of the most intelligent men to exist. He needed to have Kakashi's groping hands touch him, arousing his body though Iruka valiantly tried to fight his response because otherwise he would be late to class again.
Even before the new batch of tears that instantly filled his eyes got a chance to trail down his cheeks, Iruka felt a change in the room. It was as though the temperature had risen by several degrees or an electric current ran though him, singeing his very flesh. The hair on the back of his neck rose and a shiver went down his back as he realized he was no longer alone.
Iruka barely had the chance to turn, much less register the owner of the overpowering presence that was filling the room, before he was ripped from the couch by a pair of powerful arms. The grip was strong enough to bruise, but Iruka did not care. He would gladly be permanently marked if it meant his mind was not playing another trick on him. But he instantly knew he was not hallucinating. No dream could be so detailed. The firm chest he was pulled against was perfect, triggering Iruka's memories of wonderful nights spent sprawled across those same muscular planes while he did nothing more than nuzzle against his lover's neck. Then there were other indications that Iruka was not dreaming. He knew those fingers, those muscular arms, and those ragged gasps for air. His hands slid up his lover's powerful chest, feeling his warmth, recognizing the steady beat of his heart. He could feel Kakashi's warm, moist breath against his cheek. Iruka could hear the rasp of his breath. He could all but taste Kakashi's love and desire for him.
"I missed you!"
Iruka could not only hear those hoarse, emotion-filled words, but feel the bob of his lover's Adam's apple against his cheek as he pressed his face against that gloriously smooth neck. He groaned softly at the sound of that deep voice, his cock already hardening as though that sound was the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world. And perhaps it was.
Those same words however caused tears to fall unchecked down his cheeks. For a short while, Iruka had all but convinced himself that he would never hear that beautiful voice again. Pressing his face against his lover's neck, Iruka's tears were quickly soaked up by the vest collar he was crushed against as Kakashi's arms tightened around him.
Before he could say anything in response, Iruka felt warm lips against his own, devouring him with a hunger Iruka had desperately missed. Weaving his fingers into Kakashi's silken hair, Iruka held his lover's head in a firm grip as he angled his face, deepening their kiss. Iruka showed his lover with actions, not words, that Kakashi had been missed as well. And he could only hope that he could show his lover that his love was returned because, at the moment, Iruka did not trust his own voice to even make a sound.
Iruka did not spare more than an instant for the wave of relief that hit him. He could not have let go of Kakashi had his life depended on it. At that moment, he did not care about the tears of joy trekking down his cheeks. His fingers trembled in unrestrained emotion as he realized the wonderful, heart-stopping truth: Kakashi was back in his arms again.
Instinctively, Iruka pressed himself up against his lover, moaning at the feel of Kakashi's warm, hard body as his fingers trailed along every magnificent inch of the jounin. His hands curled into fists around his lover's padded vest, his grip so tight, it was debatable whether or not Iruka would ever let go again. In response, Kakashi crushed him against his chest, his forceful kiss bruising Iruka's lips.
In that demanding kiss, Iruka could feel the range of fierce emotions Kakashi felt. But, above all else, he could taste the jounin's love for him in that single, glorious kiss. He could feel it in the way Kakashi's arms slowly loosened just enough that he could cradle Iruka against him instead of squash him. He could hear it in Kakashi's ragged gasps for air.
Slowly, their heated kiss changed. If Iruka had to describe it, he would say it was filled with curiosity. It was as though Kakashi was searching for something as he reacquainted himself with his lover's mouth. Whatever it was that he was looking for, Kakashi must have found because Iruka could feel the upward curve of his lips as the jounin grinned.
Kakashi let out a hoarse laugh as he released Iruka from his embrace, his fingers sliding up to weave into his brunet's unbound hair. He had sneaked into Iruka's quiet apartment, fully prepared to slip into bed next to his sleeping lover and surprise Iruka when the beautiful brunet woke up in the morning. He had not expected to find Iruka awake, the concern etched in his features tugging at Kakashi's heart in the most unfamiliar of ways. The tears that lined Iruka's face made Kakashi realize that his brunet had been thinking about him as he cried. When he left to retrieve Naruto two weeks ago, he had not imagined that Iruka would have spent a moment of worry for him. Why would he? No one else ever had before. The closest he had ever had was his old students, who always expected him to stop by unexpectedly, and they probably would only worry when he did not show up after a month or two.
He had never had a welcome home like this – hell, he had never had anyone waiting for him before.
And, having now experienced it, Kakashi knew he could never go back to those lonely nights of returning home, bruised, battered and bleeding, but only having his shadow for company as he stitched himself back up just so that he could go on his next mission. He could not lose the beautiful man who had cried out of worry for him, who had kissed him as though he had been missing for several months. Pulling back, Kakashi littered his lover's face in kisses, knowing no other way to express the surge of love he had for his wonderful, compassionate brunet.
Iruka felt tears prick his eyes at the gentle caresses of Kakashi's lips against his skin. Unable to stop the onslaught of emotions, a sob caught in his throat, releasing as a pitiful hiccup as he finally let himself look into Kakashi's face. He had never thought he could have missed those bi-colored eyes or the glint of perversion that seemed to be a permanent part of that gaze, but the warmth in Kakashi's eyes was far worse than any lewd glance.
With a sniffle, Iruka's lower lip trembled uncontrollably. Finally, with his lover in his arms, the two weeks of exhaustion and fear hit him at once, shredding any self-control Iruka had left. He fell into Kakashi's arms with a wail, clinging to his lover's neck as he cried as he had been wanting to for the past two hellish weeks.
Kakashi blinked in surprise, bewildered by his lover's reaction, as his arms instinctively went up to curve around Iruka's shaking frame. Yes, he had made Iruka cry when he forced his lover to watch a sappy romance movie one night. He had seen tears in Iruka's eyes when the brunet laughed too hard at something Kakashi or Saki had done. But those were completely different than Iruka's tears now.
He could tell Iruka was not sad; he had seen Iruka's earlier tears and, from the painful tug at his heart, he knew those to be ones he would never want to see in his lover's eyes again. No, these were tears of joy, but were unlike anything he had dealt with before.
"I-I was s-s-so w-worr...worried!" Iruka cried against his lover's neck. Two weeks of not knowing if Kakashi was alive or dead exhausted him to the point Iruka lost the ability to continue speaking, his words coming out only as sobs. All he could do was hold his lover, reassuring himself that Kakashi was home and blessedly unharmed.
Kakashi had had little experience with tears. Saki was one thing, much like Naruto when the blonde came to him with angry tears in his eyes over something Sasuke had done when they were younger. He had dealt with the rare glimmer to Sasuke's eyes as he thought about his family. He had seen Sakura's tears of frustration. But Iruka was crying for him. No one, not even his students, had done that before. Able to do little else, Kakashi held his lover, making soft shushing sounds that had always seemed to calm Saki down.
"It's alright, Iruka," he whispered into his lover's hair, knowing now was not the time to mention that their mission had been a dangerous one. There was time later to explain that Naruto and Sasuke, the idiots, had drained their chakra, so both young men were currently in the hospital under observation until they recovered. Sakura was also there, watching her stubborn friends because the rest of the hospital staff was too terrified of the overprotective Uchiha who threatened them all with death when they tried to put Naruto in a different room. Thankfully, Naruto was still unconscious or else he would have similarly scared the medics with his chakra-altered eyes and raspy, demonic voice that was a short-term result of the past two weeks of channeling the Kyuubi's energy.
"Naruto is fine," he added as he pressed his lips against the crown of Iruka's head. He would tell him later, when Iruka was more emotionally stable, that the Kyuubi had taken over for his entire period of captivity so Naruto in fact remembered very little. "Though Sasuke's going to probably be an emotional mess for a couple days – he isn't used to being so...well, physical in public." If Iruka could see Kakashi's face, he would have seen the bright pink tinge to his cheeks as the jounin recalled how Sasuke had been all but thrown to the ground by his demon-controlled uke as soon as they had killed every shinobi in the compound Naruto was being kept in. It would have bordered on rape, but, as the saying went, you couldn't rape the willing.
And, from the sounds everyone on the team heard despite their best attempts to tune out the two reunited lovers, Sasuke was very willing.
Now was not the time to discuss why Sasuke would probably be exhausted for weeks either. Though Kakashi knew he would have to ask the two young men if Naruto was always such a sex-addict or if it was due to the Kyuubi. He'd ask if no other reason than to make the two uncomfortable and force blushes and stammers from Sasuke. The Uchiha deserved it after having to deal with his bad attitude for the week it took to find and save Naruto. Then there was the four-day delay in returning as Naruto took his sweet, depraved time with his seme. And no one was willing to drag the horny, demonic blonde off of his equally possessive lover. Even returning to Konoha was filled with sickeningly sweet embraces and supposedly "private" moments that made the rest of the team twitch and stuff their ears with anything on hand. So what should have been a quick mission turned into two weeks of emotional roller coasters – and Kakashi was going to make Sasuke pay for every uncomfortable moment of it.
"I w-was worried about y-y-you!" Iruka stuttered as he hugged his lover's neck, his body trembling from a mixture of powerful emotions. He was relieved, but he was also giddy to the point of being high from joy that his lover had come home in one piece.
Kakashi gently pulled himself from Iruka's grasp, stepping back so that his lover could see him. And, as he felt Iruka's tear-filled eyes trail along his entire body, Kakashi bit back a groan of blinding lust. Even Iruka's most seductive glances did not make him as aroused as the ginger brush of Iruka's fingers as the brunet checked his entire body for injuries.
With a soft gasp, Iruka discovered he had somehow missed Kakashi's condition until now. Looking up and down Kakashi, Iruka could see his lover's uniform was now destined for the trash. There was no repairing the deep gashes through his vest, the tears in his shirt and pants, or the countless burn marks that littered his clothing. Iruka had seen his fair share of shinobi returning home from missions, but seeing Kakashi's destroyed uniform was vastly different.
He could see his lover leaning to one side, obviously favoring his left leg, even though both his legs looked equally injured, judging from the dismal state of Kakashi's black pants. And, though Kakashi's padded jacket hid most of his torso, Iruka could now all but hear that he had broken ribs just by his gasps for air.
"You dumbass!" Iruka scolded as he glared at his lover, who only gave him a sheepish smile. Before he got the chance to further tell his lover that Kakashi was a stubborn ass who should be at the hospital right now, he saw his lover's tall body weave. Iruka moved without thought, half-helping and half-carrying Kakashi to the couch.
Kakashi's gasps for air were released as agonizing hisses as he shifted on the couch, his hand curling around his middle protectively. Iruka fell to his knees in front of his lover, his hands already starting to glow a faint green. His healing jutsu may not be on par with a medic's, but it had always been sufficient to heal scrapped knees, bruises, broken fingers and other small injuries that seemed to be an inescapable part of childhood. Now, facing his boyfriend's multitude of injuries, Iruka somehow mustered the strength and resolve to at least attempt to heal his wounds.
Before he began healing the jounin's obviously broken ribs, Iruka unzipped Kakashi's jacket and slipped it from his shaking shoulders. Next, Iruka removed his lover's shirt, careful to not press against Kakashi's ribs. As he revealed inch after inch of pale skin, Iruka found himself unable to hold back his gasps of horror. The mottled pattern of purple marks was far worse than Iruka had expected. No amount of his amateur healing could completely heal Kakashi's injuries.
"It isn't as bad as it looks," Kakashi said quietly as he brushed his masked lips against Iruka's cheek. Until mere moments ago, he had somehow forgotten that he had been injured on the mission. First, he had been running on soldier pills and adrenaline, and when he saw Iruka on the couch, waiting for him, he was hit by another rush entirely. He had been so overwhelmed by being back in Iruka's presence that the pain of his wounds were drowned out, all but erased as he held his lover and kissed him as he had been dreaming about for the past two weeks. "Sakura reset the bones and started healing them..." he added as he gingerly ran his fingers along the worst of his ribs, wincing as he felt the stab of pain it sent throughout his entire torso.
"And you didn't let her finish?" Iruka retorted as he looked up into his lover's visible eye, catching a glimpse of the small smile and loving expression that told him the answer to his question. The brunet shook his head in disbelief as he looked at his lover's once alabaster skin, now a painful mixture of purple and red that told Iruka that Kakashi should probably be strapped to a hospital bed, but the jounin would never allow that. So Iruka did the next best thing and began considering which break or cut to start healing first.
"I wanted to get home to you and Saki," Kakashi all but whispered as he brought a hand up to Iruka's cheek, brushing away the tear streak running down the side of his face. From the surprised glance Iruka shot at him, it was obvious the brunet had not even realized he had started crying again. "I missed you two."
"I missed you too, but that isn't reason to ignore your injuries!" Iruka snapped as tears began running unchecked down his face. Recalling the hell his life had been the past two weeks, he found himself crying for a host of reasons. He had never felt so alone or so helpless in those fourteen days that seemed to drag on for an eternity. And, yes, he would have just continued being terrified if Kakashi had gone to the hospital as he should have. Even if it meant Iruka would have to wait a few hours for word of his lover's condition to reach him, he would have preferred to continue his personal agony if it would spare Kakashi pain.
"It's not that bad," Kakashi pointed out as he caught his lover's chin with a finger, forcing Iruka to look him in the eye. "I can deal with injuries. This isn't the first time I've come home with cuts and breaks. But I didn't want you wondering when I would be back. I had to make sure you were alright first."
Despite his indignation, Iruka could not help but smile at Kakashi's admission. Was this what it meant to have a man who loved you? To have someone who saw his own needs as a secondary concern? Even though it was an unfamiliar warmth that spread through him at the realization that Kakashi cared so deeply for him, Iruka found it addictive.
Then he was hit with the one thing that he had refused to think of the past two weeks. What if Kakashi had not made it back and Iruka never got the chance to come clean about Saki's parentage? Looking into his lover's eyes, ones that took on a glint that Iruka could only describe as an attempt to hide the pain the jounin was in, Iruka decided on his course of action.
No matter how long he had been putting off telling Kakashi the truth, he had to tell him. But those words could wait until his lover was no longer gasping for air or wincing from each gentle touch. Kakashi deserved at least that concession. And, though his reasons were purely selfless, Iruka could not help but be relieved that he had a reason to delay telling Kakashi.
"W-When I'm done...I-I have to tell you something," Iruka said softly as he focused on his lover's middle and began healing the worst of the breaks. He spoke not to warn his lover that their discussion was going to be one Kakashi might not like, but to make sure Iruka did not find some kind of way to postpone again.
Kakashi furrowed his eyebrows at his lover's words. Iruka was being strangely serious, as though whatever he had to say was bad news. And the first thing he could think of stopped his heart and made his entire body go instantly numb. "Saki?" he croaked the baby's name, the instant terror he felt coming out in his words. If something had happened to Saki, he did not know what he would do.
Iruka glanced up from his lover's bruised middle when he heard the emotion in Kakashi's voice. Instantly, he understood the pained expression he was met with, and Kakashi's concern made his stomach flip. How would Kakashi respond if he knew why Iruka was so certain Saki was his son? "He's fine – he missed you, though," Iruka admitted quietly as he brought his healing touch up to Kakashi's cheek. With no more than a thought, the small bruise on Kakashi's cheek was erased, leaving pale, unmarred skin.
"Good." Kakashi's response came out as more of a whoosh of relief as he closed his eyes, sensing the baby's chakra in the other room. A part of him itched to slither off the couch and go to Saki. He was not sure if he would wake the baby up to see Saki's dark blue eyes and hear his sweet babbling or if he would be content just to watch him sleep. Either way, he knew the moment Iruka was done healing him, he would be in the nursery so that Saki would see him the moment he awoke, whether it be in a matter of minutes or hours.
"Every time he woke up in the morning or after a nap, he would look around for you – and pout when he saw you weren't here," Iruka said as he smiled, recalling the indignation on the baby's round face every time he realized Kakashi was still missing. If Iruka didn't know better, he would have said Saki knew Kakashi was on a mission and was just as worried as his father.
"Awww..." Kakashi glanced towards the nursery, longing clearly visible on his face. Iruka's words made up his mind for him. He would definitely have to wake Saki up, if for no other reason than to reassure that beautiful baby that he was home. Kakashi also had the feeling that he might not let Saki go until long after the baby went back to sleep. Already, his hands itched to touch that soft crown of brown hair and feel Saki's strong grip wrap around his finger.
"You have no patience," Iruka mumbled under his breath as he felt his lover's body tense, as though Kakashi was mere moments away from jumping up and racing to the nursery. "I'm not going to have you bleed all over the baby," he added as he ran his touch along Kakashi's right arm where he caught a glimpse of red streaks trailing down the muscular limb, leaving a small puddle on the once unstained couch. Once he was certain that his lover's arm was no longer bleeding, Iruka returned to his lover's middle.
Trembling, his fingers gently pressed against Kakashi's ribcage, Iruka began healing the breaks. He was thankful Sakura had already set them or else he would never have had had the confidence or energy to sufficiently heal his lover. Strangely, however, Iruka did not yet feel the drain he had anticipated. Even healing bruises on students took a good amount of chakra, though with Kakashi, it was as though his energy was endless. Slowly, he felt the warmth of injured tissue dissipate as the bruising and swelling went down due to his jutsu, which seemed to work far faster than he was accustomed to.
Kakashi froze as he felt the strangest sensation race through his body. He had experienced many odd jutsu in his life, but it was a rarity to have his chakra drain steadily. In fact, other than enemy jutsu, there had only been one occasion Kakashi had ever had his energy stripped from him. Though that had been the most painful experience of his life and this time the only thing Kakashi felt was the healing warmth of Iruka's hands on his torso.
Even more unusual was to have that same energy that was stolen from him being pumped back into him. And as understanding hit him, the jounin gaped at his brunet lover in confusion.
Only one person ever had the ability to use his chakra. There was only one time Kakashi had ever even considered forging that kind of bond with someone. So it was impossible that he now could sense Iruka sucking his very chakra from him only to direct it back into him in order to heal his body. The only person who should have such ability was long dead and the only reminder of that short-lived and painful link with Kakashi lay sleeping in the other room.
Did Iruka have some unique Bloodline Limit that no one knew about? Because short of a forbidden jutsu, there was no way any shinobi could suck another's energy from them. But that didn't make sense. If Iruka had such a potentially dangerous ability, all elite shinobi would be aware of it just as a precaution.
But as Kakashi scoured his memories, he could not recall anyone telling him about Iruka having any odd abilities other than having the patience and compassion to train pre-genin and raise Naruto. Despite his confusion, there lurked one explanation in the back of Kakashi's mind. No matter how impossible and ridiculous the more the jounin thought about it, the more strange sense it made.
Iruka's close relationship to Saki.
Iruka's mannerisms being eerily similar to his cousin's.
His physical features being almost identical to Keiko's.
And, most damning of all, how rapidly Kakashi had fallen in love with him...as though he knew him his entire life. As though he had loved him longer than they had known each other.
Kakashi did not care if his thoughts had gone down an insane road. Without warning, he slipped off of the couch, straddling Iruka's waist. So surprised, having not noticed his lover's confused expression, Iruka fell backwards onto the floor. Cursing softly when the back of his head connected with the hard wood, the brunet was about to glare at his lover and demand an explanation, but then he felt his shirt being lifted up.
Kakashi was fully prepared to say a little white lie and declare his odd actions as those of a horny lover – lies he would more than gladly make truth. But as he continued to pull Iruka's shirt up, revealing his lover's adorably round belly, any thoughts of lying fled from his mind.
The dark marks that stretched across Iruka's midsection were achingly familiar. How could they not be when they were in Kakashi's own scrawled handwriting? How could he ever forget putting them across Keiko's middle as Saki kicked him?
But how were those same heart-wrenching marks now on Iruka?
Seals did not transfer easily, especially not without the knowledge of the creator of said seal. And Kakashi sure as shit did not place the chakra-transfer seal on Iruka. Finally, as Kakashi's fingers unconsciously traced the characters he had so lovingly written on the pregnant kunoichi many months ago, he came to a startling conclusion that made him fly off of Iruka and across the room.
Iruka was really Keiko.
Iruka huffed as he raised an eyebrow at Kakashi's quirky behavior and was about to ask what was going on when he caught a glimpse of what Kakashi had been staring at only moments before. Instantly, he recognized his lover's messy, distinctive handwriting.
"What the...?" Iruka continued staring at the marks, placing them as a seal – and a powerful one at that considering that he recognized a few as the same one that were written on Naruto's middle. But why would Kakashi put a seal on him? And, judging from the jounin's reaction, be surprised by it? "What the hell did you put on me?" he asked, not out of anger, but confusion as he looked up to Kakashi. Instantly, he saw the defensive stance his lover had taken.
And he saw the glint of a kunai in Kakashi's right hand.
Iruka's stomach did not even have the chance to flip at the realization Kakashi was mere moments from attacking not some enemy shinobi or someone who had the bad idea of popping in and surprising Kakashi, but him.
"Explain."
The voice that came from his lover was not one Iruka recognized. It was too dark and cold to belong to the silver-haired jounin. And Iruka's heart sunk as he realized that this hard, fierce shinobi was the face everyone else saw. This was the man that half the village feared and the other half was in awe of. This was the man who terrified missing nin and those who would harm Konoha or her citizens.
This was not the man who laughed at Saki's gurgling or Pakkun's griping over changing diapers. This was not the same man who kissed Saki's forehead every night as he put the baby to bed, his arms so gentle that the baby never even woke up as he was moved from Kakashi's shoulder to his crib. This was not the lover who could seduce Iruka with a single look or whose very words made Iruka ache for him. This was not the man Iruka had fallen in love with.
Iruka did not know this man. He had fallen for someone he hardly knew or else he would have at least been ready for this side of him. But he was sadly ill-prepared to meet the darker, mistrustful side of his lover. As that realization hit him, his stomach tightened, and the nausea hit him so suddenly Iruka had to cover his mouth to keep from embarrassing himself.
"I put that seal on Keiko."
"P-Please, Kakashi..." Iruka stammered as he shook his head, not sure how to even begin, for a moment ignoring his own questions on why Kakashi would place a seal on him when he was a woman, not to mention when the hell he had had the chance. In all the scenarios he had played through his head over how to tell Kakashi, this had not been one. How could he have guessed that Kakashi might find out from some other means? As devoted as Pakkun was to his master, Iruka knew that not even the ninken would have wanted to be the one to tell Kakashi about Iruka's secret. Naruto and Sasuke wouldn't tell him because they had promised Iruka they would not mention it until Iruka had a chance to explain. No, in all the times he thought about what he would say, Kakashi had found out from him. Not a seal that Iruka had not even been aware of. Not a mark that Kakashi had obviously not known was on him until now.
And the betrayal Iruka could clearly read in his lover's eyes hurt him far more than any of the angry or hateful things he had imagined Kakashi saying in his theoretical situations. It was not because of the fact Kakashi still held a blade, obviously prepared to attack if need be. It was not the dark anger that was threaded into his words or the tenseness of his muscular frame.
It was the fact Kakashi felt deceived by him that struck Iruka most agonizingly. Of all the times he played through these very moments in his head, Iruka had never thought the look of confused disbelief would have been one that would hurt him most of all. Anger or hatred would have been more expected – and, in many ways, easier to deal with. Iruka could handle those emotions, but how could he make Kakashi feel better when he had knowingly lied to him all this time? Kakashi had every right to feel betrayed, but that did not make Iruka feel any better – if anything, it made him feel even worse.
"T-This is what I wanted to talk to you about," Iruka started out as he kept his gaze trained on Kakashi's face for any indication of his lover believing his words and begin to forgive him for his duplicity. From the incredulous look he received, apparently Kakashi was not in the mood to forgive so easily.
Kakashi listened to Iruka's words, trying to feel the righteous hatred he should after Iruka – or should he say Keiko – lied to him. But he couldn't. The stricken, wounded expression on his lover's face was too painful for him to even consider adding to that agony. How could he hate Keiko for giving him the best weeks of his life? How could he fault her for having a child that had all too easily become his entire world?
But why did she lie? Why did she parade around as her cousin? Why did she fake her own death? Worst of all, why did she come after him a second time as a man? Kakashi did not care what his bed partners were gender-wise, but he had never thought to question their motivations for sleeping with him. Why would he when it was only for a night or two? He had never let anyone close to him before. He had never trusted them to the point they were close enough to hurt him.
The first time he dared to trust anyone with more than just a few hours of anonymous pleasure, he was not burned once, but repeatedly. The pain of searching for a woman no one seemed to have ever heard of, much less know well enough to help Kakashi find her after that fantastic night together. The agony of losing Keiko after speaking so harshly to her, then only to lose her when she supposedly died was painful enough. And now he was forced to feel that same heart-wrenching pain as he looked at Iruka.
Keiko had deceived him far too often. And she had hurt him for the last time.
Loosening his grip on the kunai, Kakashi threw the blade to the floor. The metal struck the floor with a resounding thwack, the handle quivering with the force that had sent the blade through the wood boards. Under very different situations, Kakashi might have actually apologized for embedding a knife into his lover's floor. Right now, all he could do was look at the blade in disgust.
Was it some sick joke that caused Keiko to lie to him? Because, other than that, there was only one reason Kakashi could come up with. And he would much rather think of this as some bad prank than to look at his lover as an assassin. He had been attacked by far too many people, far too often in his life to ever have the idea of attempted murder far from his conscious thoughts. A transgender black widow would definitely have to be a first though, even for him.
But he had given her more than enough opportunities to kill him. All the times he had passed out on the couch or in Saki's rocking chair, it would have been all too simple to slit his throat and Kakashi would have never woken up. What about in bed, after Kakashi was too exhausted to lift a finger, much less fight for his life? All the meals they had eaten together could have easily been poisoned, but Kakashi had never once gotten sick from something his lover made.
He had trusted Iruka enough to be completely defenseless around him, and the brunet had never threatened him. So the only other logical explanation was that Keiko was doing this for some sick pleasure.
"Why?" Kakashi asked hoarsely as he stared at the quivering blade in the floor, unable to lift his gaze. He knew that, if he looked at his lover, he would lose what anger he did feel. He knew he would see the tears that matched the soft sobs that echoed through the otherwise silent apartment. He would catch a glimpse of the pained expression he knew must be on Iruka's face. And, as hurt as he was, Kakashi knew he could not simply fall out of love with the brunet to the point he would willingly cause him – or her –any pain.
"It was stupid – you were the only bi person I knew a-and..." Iruka looked down at his hands as he took a shaky breath for air. This was not how he had expected things to happen. Where was the raging anger or the scathing remarks? He would much prefer those emotions to this cool distain as Kakashi refused to even look at him.
"I never meant for things to go this far. It was just supposed to be a night of sex – that's it!" Iruka continued as he wrapped his arms around himself as though that could protect him from the agony his words inflicted on himself. He could only imagine how much they hurt his lover.
"B-But then I found out I was pregnant...and you were so unsupportive. N-Naruto and Sasuke helped me, but...but all I wanted was you. I wanted you there. T-The first time Saki kicked...all I could think of was that you should have been there to feel it," Iruka whispered as he touched his belly.
Kakashi could not stop himself from looking up at those words and caught a glimpse of the longing in his lover's eyes. And that emotion struck Kakashi to the very core, constricting his throat as he recalled that very day and how desperately he wanted to be there for her. As he looked at the brunet, he could see that, whatever else Keiko lied about, that statement was the complete truth.
"W-When I went into labor month early, I was terrified something was wrong. Again, I wanted you to be there, but you weren't." Iruka glanced down at the floor as he took another breath. "I know you must have realized it, but I named Saki after your father. I know you don't believe me, but I know he is your son."
Kakashi studied Iruka, unable to tear his gaze from his lover's face as he read every emotion that was exposed on his tanned features. And, as he watched the tears slide down his lover's cheeks, Kakashi knew that the brunet was finally telling him the truth. There was no other way to explain the haunted look Iruka gave him before the brunet continued.
"Naruto and Sasuke found out who Saki's father was – and they conned you into babysitting that first time. But I was so happy you were spending time with Saki, I-I couldn't do anything to chance the relationship you were building with him. A-And...I never meant for us to become lovers...I-I just wanted you to be a part of Saki's life...but these weeks spent with you were the best of my life!" Iruka covered his mouth with his hand to stifle a sob as he finally looked away from Kakashi, unable to continue anymore. Kakashi's silence was painful enough. He did not think he could go on without any kind of reaction from the jounin, even if it was one of anger or hatred.
"But why did you fake your death? And why are you pretending to be Iruka?" Kakashi asked quietly as he closed his natural eye, unable to help himself. He had to satisfy his curiosity, but what he was met with only gave him more questions and not a single answer.
Iruka was not using any kind of jutsu. That much was obvious even without the Sharingan, judging from the fact Iruka was not using any large amounts of chakra because the seal had already faded from his belly, but Kakashi's unnatural eye revealed that the man before him was just as real as he was. Whatever Keiko was using to disguise herself now, it was far beyond the abilities of a chuunin. And, despite his emotions toward the brunet, he could not help but feel a moment of unease as his earlier idea of an assassin returned.
"I'm not pretending," Iruka admitted quietly as he shook his head. "Keiko was a stupid illusion Naruto came up with to seduce you...it was never meant to go beyond that night, but...Saki...it never should have happened and now I'm Tsunade's favorite medical oddity. I had to fake her death so that I could raise our son...how else could I explain where Saki came from without people treating him differently?"
Kakashi gave a disbelieving shake of his head. Iruka was not making sense. What kind of trickery was this? What kind of reason could he have to make such outrageous claims? There was no way what Iruka was suggesting was possible. No jutsu was powerful enough to actually give a man the ability to conceive.
But why would Iruka lie?
Iruka caught a glimpse of the incredulity in Kakashi's features and, unable to stop himself, felt a surge of fiery anger. Finally, he came clean and his lover did not even have the decency to hear him out. Iruka knew how insane his words sounded, but shouldn't Kakashi at the very least give him a chance? Pulling his shirt back up to uncover his belly, Iruka glared at his lover.
"You think this is from a few too many ramen binges – these marks are from carrying your son and risking my life in the process!" Iruka cried out as he took a step back. "Gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, cravings and enough emotional roller coasters that left Naruto and Sasuke terrified of me. I could hardly walk towards the end, so I had to keep a constant jutsu so that I had a woman's hips and legs just to I didn't fall over every time I tried to stand. And then, Saki came a month early and I was too afraid to tell anyone I had gone into labor early Christmas morning. By the time Naruto and Sasuke figured it out, I couldn't have any drugs or anything to help. I had to keep up a jutsu to give birth to our son or else he and I would have both died. And now I have a lifetime of looking forward to arguing with people over my rights as a parent, simply because I am his adoptive father on paper. I have a lifetime of worrying if Saki will ever accept the truth or if he would rather not know that I got knocked up by his emotionally-lacking father who never had the decency to trust me when I told him he had a child!"
Kakashi stiffened at those words and the painful emotions Iruka's voice contained. Slowly, he turned away from his lover so that he did not yell a retort as he desperately wanted to. He wanted to point out that no man could conceive and that there was no chance he was Saki's father. But hadn't he and Iruka argued the point of paternity enough times? He knew there was no swaying the brunet. But conception was another thing entirely. It was not possible, but Kakashi wanted so desperately to believe it. It was either that or Keiko was more than a little unhinged, believing herself to truly be a man. And, as crazed as he sometimes thought his lover must be for voluntarily being an academy teacher, not even Iruka was that insane.
But after a few silent moments, Kakashi ran through Iruka's words again. Those marks on his belly were stretch marks due to rapid weight gain. And Kakashi had never seen a shinobi gain that much weight that quickly unless it was a pregnant kunoichi. Due to the years of training and physical exercise, a shinobi's metabolism was far too fast to gain more than a pound or two and, even then, it burned off so quickly that most people hardly had the time to notice the extra weight. So how had Iruka achieved the seemingly impossible?
It was Iruka's last statement, however, that made a flicker of anger finally flare up in Kakashi's heart. Decency to trust Iruka. He had trusted his lover – more than he trusted anyone else in his entire life. And look where that got him. Kakashi no longer knew what to believe. Finally, Kakashi mustered up the ability to speak without his voice cracking and, though he did his best to keep his voice devoid of emotion, his very words made Iruka's eyes water.
"I did trust you – but apparently you didn't have the decency do the same for me."
Iruka gasped softly at those words and the jolt of pain they caused him. No one had ever called him a liar or untrustworthy before. Everyone who knew him knew that he was one of the most sincere people in the village. Biting his lip, Iruka knew that, of all the people in the world, Kakashi was the only person he had ever knowingly lied to. And he hated himself for it. But the very least his lover could do was listen to him now that he was telling the truth.
"I do trust you! I just didn't know how to tell you the truth!" Iruka admitted as he took a step towards Kakashi, only to freeze as the jounin stepped away from him, keeping his distance as though he could not stand to be near Iruka.
"I don't believe you," Kakashi whispered hoarsely as he shook his head. How could Iruka trust him and still keep something like this from him for so long? Why would Iruka even consider such a thing, knowing that he would have to eventually tell Kakashi about his secret?
And then he thought of the highly unlikely chance Iruka really was telling the truth. What kind of hell that must have been for Iruka, first finding out he was pregnant and then only to discover that he would be completely alone. How could he have managed not only his demanding job, but hiding a pregnancy until he had no choice left and switched into "Keiko" so that no one would question the obvious baby bump? What kind of loneliness he must have felt every moment he was alone without Naruto or Sasuke there to talk to him, reassuring him like Kakashi should have been doing. How could Iruka care about someone like him who was so selfish he would not even consider the possibility of his lover being right until the truth was staring at him in the face?
"I tried to tell you so many times! But you always distracted me! A-And then you went on the rescue mission...and I knew I couldn't lie to you anymore b-because I love you!"
Kakashi quickly glanced up at those words, surprise etched in his features. But it was the other emotion that his face held that made Iruka's gaze harden and his eyes to narrow. Of all the emotions that Kakashi could have expressed, he showed the most damning one of all.
Doubt.
"You should leave," Iruka whispered quietly as he moved towards his bedroom, his words draining him not only of his remaining energy, but every emotion he had felt in the past few minutes. Kakashi doubting his love was too much for Iruka to handle right now, especially after all but calling Iruka a liar to his face. Living through two weeks of exhaustion and mind-numbing worry only to have his words thrown back in his face by the one person who should believe him was just too much to take.
Kakashi froze at those words, not sure he had heard his lover right. Did Iruka, in the same breath, tell him he loved him, and then kick him out? Perhaps Kakashi was right in doubting that someone as wonderful as Iruka could possibly love him, especially after all the horrible things he had done because of his own insecurities. He watched as Iruka left the room, not able to form a single word to keep Iruka there, much less explain how he desperately wanted Saki – and how he didn't care how the little boy came into being. He would happily be Saki's adoptive father and to hell with anyone who tried to say Iruka was not his biological parent.
All he wanted was to tell Iruka how much he loved him – and how sorry he was for being such an ass all this time. For making Iruka feel like he had to go through everything alone and hide his secret from the one person he should feel the most comfortable with speaking the truth to.
But he had made a promise to himself when he had started dating Iruka, and he was not going to go back on a promise now.
He had sworn that he would leave without any argument if Iruka ever asked him to. He had known from the beginning of their relationship that Iruka was the one person Kakashi would have happily made a life with. But he still had his pride. He would not push his attentions on someone who did not want him around. And, judging from Iruka's words and actions, Kakashi's presence was something Iruka definitely did not want right now.
Perhaps a few hours would be enough for Iruka to cool off. If not a few hours, then a day or two. Kakashi had to give him at least that much time. It was the very least he could do for the year of hell he must have put Iruka through because he could not come to terms with his own emotions in time to make a difference.
But now that he was more than willing to act on his emotions, Kakashi knew that there was nothing that would stop him from loving Iruka, even if his brunet didn't want him back after the mess he had made of their relationship.
XXX
Iruka sank down into the chair in the nursery, pressing his fists against his eyes in attempts of keeping himself from crying. But it did little good as he let out sob after uncontrollable sob. His body trembled with the force of his tears, but somehow Iruka kept himself quiet enough that he did not wake the baby.
Kakashi's son.
With a soft whimper, Iruka forced himself out of the chair and swooped down to brush a kiss against Saki's forehead. He knew that, if he stayed any longer, he might not be able to keep himself from crying out as he watched their son sleep, oblivious to his fathers' mess of a relationship.
It was so much easier for children. All Saki had to do was smile and Kakashi was wrapped around his finger. He did not have to wonder about his father's love or affection. Kakashi's feelings for him were as clear as day. Whereas Iruka had no idea where he now stood. Kakashi had declared his love – something Iruka was sure the jounin rarely, if ever, said to anyone. But was that love enough to work through their problems? Was it enough for Kakashi to eventually forgive him for lying for so long?
Shivering as a cold breeze swept into the room, Iruka went to close the nursery window before he left to go wallow in his own misery and regrets. So distraught over Kakashi's response to his own heartfelt declaration of love, Iruka did not notice the click of the window's lock as he shut it to keep out the chilling wind that was nothing in comparison to the icy fear and uncertainty that encompassed him.
XXX
Kakashi had gone over to the hospital to check in on Naruto and Sasuke, but the two were asleep and the jounin decided against shaking one of them awake to demand an explanation for his 'conversation' with Iruka, if that could have been in fact been called something so civil-sounding. Had they not been so obviously exhausted, Kakashi might have even considered slapping one of them into consciousness. Instead, he was left with his thoughts and a few hours to kill before he tried going back to Iruka's to see if his lover had cooled down a bit.
So he had ended up at the memorial, as was his custom when he had a problem on his mind. An hour later, and with no help from the ghosts of his past, Kakashi dragged his feet back to Iruka's apartment. It took no more than a thought to attach his feet to the wall and walk up the side of the building.
How many nights had he snuck into Iruka's apartment, intent on spending some time with Saki? And it was then a surprising thought hit him. How long had Iruka known he was there? Kakashi had noticed the baby monitor that amplified sounds from the nursery so that Iruka could hear them, waking him easily out of his light sleep.
Had Iruka known Kakashi visited the baby at night before they were lovers? In his heart, Kakashi already knew that answer was a resounding yes. Judging from his statements earlier tonight, Iruka would have been more than happy to have Kakashi spend time with Saki, even if it had meant letting him sneak in like some kind of thief in the middle of the night just so Kakashi could keep his pride.
With a small smile at that thought, Kakashi moved to push open Saki's nursery window, which was his normal way of getting into the apartment when Iruka was asleep. And, if his lover was not ready yet to forgive him, Kakashi at least had the certainty that Iruka would not have booby trapped Saki's window to keep Kakashi out. He would never do anything to put the baby at risk.
But what Iruka did was much worse than any pressure or heat sensitive jutsu or prank Kakashi might have expected from his angry, hurt lover. Kakashi pushed up on the window, attempting to slide the pane up, but was met with an unfamiliar resistance.
For a brief instant, Kakashi did not understand. Was the window stuck? If so, he would have to definitely fix it in the morning. After a few more gentle pushes, knowing that if he made any noise, he might wake up the baby, Kakashi finally started to figure out that there was not something wrong with the window. In fact, it was working exactly as it should.
It was locked.
For the first time since he had started checking in on Saki, Kakashi found himself locked out of not only Saki's room, but in a metaphorical way, his life. There was no way Iruka was going to be dropping the baby off for a play-date any time soon, not after how Kakashi had so callously spoken to him. And, from the subtle gesture of simply locking a single window, Iruka had made his feelings crystal clear.
It would be all too easy to get in. A lock was nothing for a shinobi who was worth anything. It would little more than a thought to make a clone on the other side of the window to open it for him. Kakashi could wrap chakra around the lock handle and open it himself.
But he did none of that. It was not the lock that kept him outside of Saki's room, separated from the two people who meant the most to him in the world. It was the principle of the thing. For the first time since he had started to get to know Iruka and Saki, the brunet had made a point of stating that Kakashi was not welcome.
And the realization that Iruka was that badly hurt by Kakashi made the jounin wince. He had underestimated Iruka's anger, but he was not going to grovel and beg for forgiveness. As much as he loved Saki and Iruka, Kakashi was not going to bend over backwards for his lover. If Iruka wanted him back, the brunet was going to have to openly admit he was wrong though Kakashi had already forgiven him for everything. Iruka did not need to know that however.
Kakashi was through having his emotions torn to shreds and thrown in his face. If Iruka wanted him, the brunet was going to have to be the one to do something this time. And, while Iruka decided if he wanted to continue their relationship, Kakashi was going to have a few choice words with a few shinobi who had been keeping secrets from him. He could let Sasuke and Naruto off the hook until tomorrow because of their conditions, but Tsunade was another matter entirely. If there was any chance Iruka was telling the truth, Kakashi was going to find out how the hell it was possible.