A Queen Abandoned

Chapter Two: Homecoming

1561

It is almost time. In a day or two, weather permitting, this vessel will enter Scottish waters and at that moment I will turn the page on a new chapter in life. It is strange to think that soon I will descend the gangway as both a stranger in a foreign land and also it's Queen.

The voyage so far has been treacherous. We came upon fierce storms that caused the ship to toss and turn with some ferocity. I was afraid. It is a surreal feeling to be out here, without another soul in sight except those with me on-board.

I have now spent several months preparing for this journey. I have spent countless hours reviewing court hierarchy, Scottish customs and poring over detailed maps of the highlands and lowlands. I need to win over the people if my homecoming is to be a success and I am more than ready for the challenge. I will use charm and charisma, traits I have honed carefully over many years, to sway the masses to my side. I am eager to take on this new role and excited to finally meet my nobles – many of whom I have known through years of correspondence but never had the pleasure of meeting in person.

In the eyes of my advisors this move could not have come at a more opportune time. The state of affairs in my country is not as I would wish it. I must attend to a number of issues with some urgency if I am to prevent the country from plunging into all-out war. First, I must deal with the English patrols that have been ravaging our border-towns. There is a constant threat of invasion. I must somehow restore good relations with Elizabeth if we are to regain security. The second issue is more complex. My nation has fallen away from the old faith. Without anyone in Edinburgh to keep them in check, the Privy Council has taken it upon themselves to decree Protestantism as the new national religion. This may help to improve relations with England, but what of my people? I worry for their souls.

I must tread carefully, for my advisors say that it is now too late to right this wrong. However, I do plan to assure my Catholic allies that they will not be persecuted for their faith. I know that relations between the two groups have been terse, but I remain confident that we can forge a path of peace.

My return brings the opportunity to rebuild a connection with my Father's family: something I have long yearned for. In particular, I am eager to see my brother James. We have never been close. James grew up in a way of life entirely different from my own, him being my father's bastard. But he is eleven years my senior and respected by the nobles. He is a protestant, yes, but it seems to me that he may be suitably positioned to advise me at Scottish Court while I am learning the lay of the land. He promised to wait for me when we dock.

The sun is setting now and the aroma of salted pork wafts up through the floorboards from the kitchen below. In a moment, I will have to leave my writing and join the crew for supper. The vast majority of my travelling companions have been struck by seasickness. The captain says that these rough seas are enough to insight agony in those who do not already have their sea legs. I am fortunate that I have not been afflicted with the condition myself. Not one of my ladies has been well enough to attend me these past few nights, preferring instead to remain in the confines of their cabins.

I am thankful that my ladies are with me at all. My friendship with each has become a source of great pleasure. All four are infinitely kind to me and more compassionate than I expect. Not one would accept my offer when I suggested they might be released from my service. Each was given the option to remain in France where they would have enjoyed the benefits of suitors and riches aplenty. Instead, to my amazement, all four agreed to see me home. They came to me with the news one evening, all of them rushing into my chamber to tell me that they will not even entertain suitors until I am married and settled again. Their loyalty brings me so much comfort. I could not present such a strong front each day without Flem whose pragmatism is my chief amusement, Livi who keeps my spirits high, Bea with her outlandish schemes for charming men and Seton, whose voice can lull me into a state of pure relaxation while she works to arrange my hair so elegantly.

This homecoming is bittersweet for all of us. We will miss our friends in France. I have my family to think of too. Never again will I visit the Duke of Guise, my uncle, at his charming chateau or take supper in the palace gardens with Princess Claude. But it is Francis whom I will miss most of all – or rather, his memory. Though I still pine for him, I know that I must leave my grief behind. Thankfully, planning my departure has done wonders to shake off the pain of loss. I find that my emotions run highest in the quiet moments. It is during these little cracks in time, when business is done for the day, or when my attendants have taken their leave, that the tears well up and I suddenly realise I am alone. I still find myself turning to embrace him at night only to realise that he is not there. The shock washes over me in waves.

From the moment I set foot on Scottish soil, people will be watching: forming their impression. Nobles and their wives, Clan-chieftains, guards, soldiers and priests. It is imperative that I present as an impressive figure to all. From now on I must always watch my posture. Every gesture and remark I make will be critiqued by the masses. I must be the finest dressed person in every room, but take care not to make too great a display of my wealth. Perhaps most importantly, I must present a strong, wise countenance, whilst remaining benevolent and resilient.

At dinner the captain delivered some good news. We will be able to make berth at the Port of Leith by nightfall tomorrow. It seems that, despite the bad weather, the wind has been travelling with us and we have made good time. Leith is the better of the two ports we had considered. From there, it is only a short ride into Edinburgh. A wave of excitement surges through me as I realise that my plan is finally coming to fruition. By this time tomorrow, I could be exploring the grounds at my palace Holyroodhouse, or else tucked up safe and secure within the impenetrable walls of Edinburgh Castle. I do hope that it is the former over the latter, as I have heard the Castle can be quite foreboding.

What the future has in store, I do not know. I can only hope to receive a warm welcome.